Venting I'm so tired of the whole "it gets better" concept

[Bread]

People have told me this platitude my whole life as if it pertains to everything. First it was my exclusion by classmates as a child, then my depression, and most recently my chronic illness. The last one is the most annoying. It's called a chronic illness for a reason; it's not just going to go away.
Anyways, despite what pro-lifers would like me to believe, none of these problems ever went away. The whole "it gets better" spiel is a concept based on entirely false promises. No one can see the future; there's no way to know that things with definitely get better. Especially when you've already been suffering for years, I think in many cases the trend is only going to continue. It's been nearly ten years since I first wanted to die and things only get more horrible with each passing year.
Recently my parents got me to see another therapist. I've hated pretty much every therapist I've ever seen because "It gets better" seems to be their favorite toy. This therapist was the worst one yet; right away she was blabbering on about how my other therapists had failed me, that everyone can change, and that she's going to make me better. One...I sincerely doubt that, and two, what exactly is "better"? I don't even remember what it is to be happy. I have no idea what kind of person I would be without depression. In cases such as mine, is "better" really going to be enough? At this point I've kind of accepted how my life has turned out. I know I'm going to kill myself eventually and that's ok. I've largely made peace with these things and I don't need some naively optimistic therapist digging around in my business and trying to change my thoughts. Just leave me alone and please stop telling me "it gets better".

 

[Vegrau]

They cannot relate thats why they said that. If only they actually took effort to understand you.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I hate this phrase too. It doesn't get better, you just get a different set of worries as you age and develop new priorities and problems. It operates on the erroneous premise that life is somehow fair, and that you can only have so much bad luck before things turn around. Why do people spout this garbage? I'm living proof that life doesn't keep a system of checks and balances. It can rain, pour, then monsoon on your ass without anyone giving a fuck. It's clumsy and misguided, just like most platitudes.

 

[Vegrau]

I hate this phrase too. It doesn't get better, you just get a different set of worries as you age and develop new priorities and problems. It operates on the erroneous premise that life is somehow fair, and that you can only have so much bad luck before things turn around. Why do people spout this garbage? I'm living proof that life doesn't keep a system of checks and balances. It can rain, pour, then monsoon on your ass without anyone giving a fuck. It's clumsy and misguided, just like most platitudes.

People want order and structure to feel safe and so they forcefully applied it to this unreasonable life as if it will work. Hard work means nothing it can be wipe clean just like that it doesnt guarantee anything. Everything is just luck... They.. just never think much at all before talking. Then again they have to protect their own fragile beliefs as well. No matter how ridiculous it is. They simply dont have the experience to say anything meaningful.

 

[TAW122]

I am too. I hate this cliche platitude very much. All the people who have been saying this that I've called out on, all just come back and criticize me for being negative or a debbie downer. Fuck them, I've just gotten to the point where I don't even bother to call them out but disregard them as brainwashed idiots who can't think for themselves.

 

[stargazer]

You have to realise that, and without talking down, that 90 percent of people won't actually do the deed. 10 percent may eventually...but not everyone who's depressed will ever actually go through with ending it all.

There's always variables, personalities, etc.

So for most, if not some, it usually does get better. For others, it never will and for fewer others, they ultimately succeed in leaving this world as they choose, by their own hand, and no one can stop them.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Nobody tells me it will get better lol. I get enjoy and cherish the days you have left. Easy for you to say, I just wish people could accept the fact that sometimes dying on your own terms is a rationale decision to eliminate unnecessary pain and suffering. I really get frustrated of how hard people can not grasp this concept. I guess only clarity can come when people actually walk in the shoes of the person like me who faces an inevitable end.

 

[Vegrau]

Now that I think about it. After the incident my ex boss tell me work it off. Work off my grieve. Hf he told me to work and earn him money so I can get over my grieve quicker? As if working can heal us ffs. I have never seen such shameless display of greed and ignorance. I wonder if he can work it off if that happened to him. I am being surrounded by money grabbing greedy fucktard. Somehow I am the kill joy lol..

 

[Life sucks]

Life doesn't get better with time. Life ends with death and aging problems. Life sucks. And on the contrary, the brutal time machine makes things worse not better.

 

[Lunaemoth]

I agree with stargazer...for some people, it really does. You hear so many stories of people who survived suicide attempts, managed their depression, stopped cutting, whatever else, and found happiness (or at least contentment) with their lives. Many of the people who say this, especially those who have been through something similar, honestly are trying to help. There are some people out there who are suicidal but can and should heal.

But that's not for everyone. One of the many issues with the mental health field is that no one is trained to know the difference between people who are crying out for help and people who honestly are just done ND need to move on. Because in their minds suicide is never acceptable. But I first tried to kill myself when I was 11. It's been 15 years of people telling me that it gets better, amid many more attempts in a life that gets worse and more painful every day. In 15 years, I've never regretted attempting, only surviving time and time again. I wish I'd died during my attempt at 11. Or 14. Or 19. Or 23. My life is not goin to get better. And I no longer have want it to. I just want it to stop.

And in three weeks, if all goes well, it will. :)

 

[Vegrau]

I agree with stargazer...for some people, it really does. You hear so many stories of people who survived suicide attempts, managed their depression, stopped cutting, whatever else, and found happiness (or at least contentment) with their lives. Many of the people who say this, especially those who have been through something similar, honestly are trying to help. There are some people out there who are suicidal but can and should heal.

But that's not for everyone. One of the many issues with the mental health field is that no one is trained to know the difference between people who are crying out for help and people who honestly are just done ND need to move on. Because in their minds suicide is never acceptable. But I first tried to kill myself when I was 11. It's been 15 years of people telling me that it gets better, amid many more attempts in a life that gets worse and more painful every day. In 15 years, I've never regretted attempting, only surviving time and time again. I wish I'd died during my attempt at 11. Or 14. Or 19. Or 23. My life is not goin to get better. And I no longer have want it to. I just want it to stop.

And in three weeks, if all goes well, it will. :)

May you able to find the peace you seek.

 

[sólstafir]

They cannot relate thats why they said that. If only they actually took effort to understand you.

Just don't say it at all or put some sincere effort behind the thought, I would maybe listen to someone whos point is that 'it gets better' when I can see the person is putting some substance into the hole it-gets-better idea showing me for example how I could see my situation differently. It takes dedication, time, trust and care to actually have some impact on me.

 

[Bread]

I fucking love your profile picture btw

Thank you very much!

 

[gnrluver0105]

It never gets better, life are an interminable list of bad things after bad things, with maybe some good times between for some people, anyway, everyone it's going to die at the end

 

[Jen Erik]

I used to hear this all the time as well, but ever since I hit my 40s, pretty much what I get now are solemn nods followed by a quick change of subject whenever I express how impaired my life is.

Because it isn't going to get better if it hasn't gotten better by now.

Edited: punctuation

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I'm sick of hearing it but its what people say add encouragement and when they don't know what to say. Pretty much means that it could be worse