Venting I'm so tired of him blaming me for everything.

[lekomania]

I'm constantly being blamed by my partner of 2+years.
It could be the dumbest shit.
Rn i just got blamed for him shaving his head like, 2 months ago.
Why? Because "I lied" and he had a mental breakdown.
About 2 months ago, I was supposed to meet my friend, but she couldn't make it to the meeting, and on my way i met my another (female) friend. Didn't inform him about the change of plans, cause he ignored me, didn't answer my calls, or texts, and was busy with his best buddy, probably drinking and playing some video games.
When I came home, and he was already there, I told him about my day, how was it, expecting to have a small talk, but no, the shouting started, screaming, throwing insults, etc., cause "I lied" about what I've been doing.
(He just aplogized for the situation that happened now, while i'm writing this. He wouldn't normally. Maybe he started noticing that im disinterested with everything lately.)
After the huge fight, I dont't remeber well, but he might've pushed me, I only remember trying to feel asleep in bed, totally soaked, cold, after i tried to slit my wrists in a bathtub. Crying.
I wake up, and he has shaved off his hair.
Now we had argument about this.
I told him it's not my fault, that he chose to react like this. He doesn't agree.

Another time he snapped my phone in half, i borrowed it from my friend. Now he thinks it's fair for me to pay for it, just because he did it, because i texted someone, he doesn't like.

This post might be chaotic. Im sorry for that. I'm just very tired.

I feel like I'm being gaslighted all the time.

I'm so, so tired....

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

Sounds like an abusive relationship. Can you dump him and stay with someone else?

 

[lekomania]

I forgot to mention, he found this forum in his history yesterday, i forgot to delete it off of his computer.
There was a lot of screaming. "because he is worried"
Why would he scream at me then..

Sounds like an abusive relationship. Can you dump him and stay with someone else?

I tried. Lots of times.
I met a person, that wanted to help me. They actually helped me stop drinking alcohol (my partner drinks a lot), and thanks to them, I actually enjoyed life. Didn't think about hurting myself much. But they left. And here i am. All alone now.
They were the only person that actually helped me through all these years. That's a long story.
But he decided to cut off the contact. We still text. But we don't see each other anymore.
I was supposed to move in. And cut ties with my partner. But life sucks.
I feel ashamed for not being able to leave on my own

 

[ThisUnrest]

I hope you can be forgiving with yourself, it's not fair to make yourself feel shame on top of being hurt. Sounds like a very volatile relationship. Alcohol makes things even more intense. It's good that you stopped drinking, something to be proud of. Sadly there's nothing you can do to beg or force him to stop. If you are reconsidering leaving your partner and moving in with your friend, maybe you can tell your friend youre ready to leave now because things are worse. I really feel for you and am worried about your safety. Being in an abusive relationship really messes with your head and makes you feel like garbage. It's very embarrassing and can make you lose friends. It can impact your memory too -- you may be blocking out all the bad parts and only remember the good parts because you love him (you may not even realize you've been doing that). Things generally get increasingly worse over time instead of better, including the self-harm. And it gets even harder to leave him over time. You probably know that all too well. I understand how vulnerable and confused you feel. I hope you can find someone you trust to help you get into a safer living situation. There may be free therapy and/or housing resources in your community helping people facing domestic violence. Love to you

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

I forgot to mention, he found this forum in his history yesterday, i forgot to delete it off of his computer.
There was a lot of screaming. "because he is worried"
Why would he scream at me then..

I tried. Lots of times.
I met a person, that wanted to help me. They actually helped me stop drinking alcohol (my partner drinks a lot), and thanks to them, I actually enjoyed life. Didn't think about hurting myself much. But they left. And here i am. All alone now.
They were the only person that actually helped me through all these years. That's a long story.
But he decided to cut off the contact. We still text. But we don't see each other anymore.
I was supposed to move in. And cut ties with my partner. But life sucks.
I feel ashamed for not being able to leave on my own

That's really unfortunate, do you think your partner would get violent if you tried to run away to family or another friend? Can you go to the police?

 

[ThisUnrest]

I experienced this myself, so I know how helpless and trapped you probably are feeling. Even though you really care about him. Please be very careful about internet privacy, and privacy in general. You can look up domestic violence websites for tips on what to do. He sounds controlling and will probably be watching you even closer now if he thinks you may hurt yourself, or leave him. I hope your username isnt recognizable to him. You could also make a small bag of emergency things (like toothpaste, clothes, some cash, burner phone) and hide it away in case you need to run away from him during a fight. Also look up your local domestic violence laws. In some US states, the police are able to prosecute even if you dont want to (I never wanted this to happen, so i never was able to call them. I was too scared of what he would do.) Feel free to DM me once you have the ability. No one here wants you to get hurt.

 

[lekomania]

I hope you can be forgiving with yourself, it's not fair to make yourself feel shame on top of being hurt. Sounds like a very volatile relationship. Alcohol makes things even more intense. It's good that you stopped drinking, something to be proud of. Sadly there's nothing you can do to beg or force him to stop. If you are reconsidering leaving your partner and moving in with your friend, maybe you can tell your friend youre ready to leave now because things are worse. I really feel for you and am worried about your safety. Being in an abusive relationship really messes with your head and makes you feel like garbage. It's very embarrassing and can make you lose friends. It can impact your memory too -- you may be blocking out all the bad parts and only remember the good parts because you love him (you may not even realize you've been doing that). Things generally get increasingly worse over time instead of better, including the self-harm. And it gets even harder to leave him over time. You probably know that all too well. I understand how vulnerable and confused you feel. I hope you can find someone you trust to help you get into a safer living situation. There may be free therapy and/or housing resources in your community helping people facing domestic violence. Love to you

Thank you for writing this. No one ever said anything similar to me like you just did, because they just don't understand.
I would move in with my friend, but he doesn't want to anymore. At least not for right now.
I already lost lots of friends because of this relationship. After some time, I can see that some of the friends weren't healthy relationships to me after all, but still, it hurts.
My memory is basically non-existent.
My best friend could ask "why tf are you at his place? don't you remember what he have done yesterday?"
And then I remember some stuff, but it still doesn't feel like reality.
That's why i started voice recording the fights. To listen to them later, to make sure, I didn't do anything wrong, that i'm not the abusive one, but I just can't, he is so effing mean and it's hard to listen.

That's really unfortunate, do you think your partner would get violent if you tried to run away to family or another friend? Can you go to the police?

I don't know. I don't think so. He could be verbally abusive, he used to be, when i decided to cut the ties off.
When i went to the police once, when he almost broke my finger, to document this, they laughed at me, that this isn't the place to go to with things like that. When i asked, where should i do the examination, they told me to go to ER. And there iheard once again - that I'm an idiot for coming.
Once police showed up to our apartment, because my friend called them, saying he could be potentially dangerous and might've hit me.
They asked me next to him, if i'm okay. I said yes. I was scared.
The worst thing about this, is how i feel rn, like the worst person, imagining him finding out about me typing all this. This would break his heart. I don't want to hurt him. But he hurts me

 

[lekomania]

That's really unfortunate, do you think your partner would get violent if you tried to run away to family or another friend? Can you go to the police?

I don't know. I don't think so. He could be verbally abusive, he used to be, when i decided to cut the ties off.
When i went to the police once, when he almost broke my finger, to document this, they laughed at me, that this isn't the place to go to with things like that. When i asked, where should i do the examination, they told me to go to ER. And there iheard once again - that I'm an idiot for coming.
Once police showed up to our apartment, because my friend called them, saying he could be potentially dangerous and might've hit me.
They asked me next to him, if i'm okay. I said yes. I was scared.
The worst thing about this, is how i feel rn, like the worst person, imagining him finding out about me typing all this. This would break his heart. I don't want to hurt him. But he hurts me

 

[lekomania]

I experienced this myself, so I know how helpless and trapped you probably are feeling. Even though you really care about him. Please be very careful about internet privacy, and privacy in general. You can look up domestic violence websites for tips on what to do. He sounds controlling and will probably be watching you even closer now if he thinks you may hurt yourself, or leave him. I hope your username isnt recognizable to him. You could also make a small bag of emergency things (like toothpaste, clothes, some cash, burner phone) and hide it away in case you need to run away from him during a fight. Also look up your local domestic violence laws. In some US states, the police are able to prosecute even if you dont want to (I never wanted this to happen, so i never was able to call them. I was too scared of what he would do.) Feel free to DM me once you have the ability. No one here wants you to get hurt.

This helps a lot

 

[nozomu]

I've been in your shoes before. It really sucks... Do you want help finding domestic violence resources? You qualify, it's how I got away last time it happened to me. I'm happy to help you if you're willing to share location etc.

 

[ThisUnrest]

❤❤❤ I hope it does help. Please do not be ashamed!! Dom viol and alcoholism happen across all segments of society. People just go to great lengths to hide it and suffer privately. Far too many people on here have had their lives destroyed by domestic violence.

 

[D!psh!tMcgee]

well you have evidence gather as much as possible and attempt to get help from the police but as most will know the police can't do jack but what you can do is get a gun or knife or worse comes to worse fashion your self a weapon and bait him into getting super angry call the police and defend your self if necessary if the police see him trying to hurt you or have him super pissed while the police are there it should be enough evidence for at least a restraining order if you think you have no where to go there are usually shelters for women who have experienced domestic abuse in most cities and some towns and maybe after a while your friend will be willing to take you in also if you have to defend your self let your self get angry let out any pent up rage and aim for weak points (armpits eyes ears groin nose fingers and thighs are all areas that are either very painful or have major arteries in em) sorry if this comes off wrong and stay safe homie good luck and may god be with you

 

[ThisUnrest]

Just be careful about your cutting. If you called cops for help and had visibly bleeding arms, he could claim you're unstable and making things up about him. Things can get real ugly real fast when people are cornered. Please be very careful and I would advise you not to escalate the violence. You dont know where it could lead. Stay safe.

 

[Kattt]

You need to get out of this relationship right NOW.
I'm only telling you what you already know.
He's obviously very insecure, controlling and quite possibly mentally ill. The longer you leave it, the harder it will become to break it off, regain your independence, salvage your self respect and should you choose to do so, move on to a better life with people who respect you rather than abusing you emotionally, psychologically and physically (if it hasn't happened already, it definitely will soon enough).
You will need to make it very clear that it's over, sever all ties and absolutely do NOT say it's over then take them back. This is only going to get worse..I can 100% guarantee that.

 

[lekomania]

I've been in your shoes before. It really sucks... Do you want help finding domestic violence resources? You qualify, it's how I got away last time it happened to me. I'm happy to help you if you're willing to share location etc.

I could share my location on PM. But i'm a new user and can't use it yet

 

[ThisUnrest]

My heart breaks for BOTH of you. I used to record fights, take pictures and write diaries about exactly what happened. Then I would delete them all because I felt guilty for having bad things about him (?!) and also more importantly didnt want to face the reality of what was happening. It's messed up, i know. I really loved him and felt protective of him (like you said, even tho he had hurt me) and i just wanted him to stop drinking and hurting me. That is terrible that the police laughed at you!! So dangerous. I understand why you would say youre fine during a welfare check, it's impossible to say you want help when the person is right there next to you! Who knows what could happen if he got mad and then the cops just left. I know how much you care for him and trust him. It's a dangerous situation for you though. Friends really have a hard time understanding and lose patience quickly. They often demonize the guy and dont understand that those statements also are also hurtful to you. They just have not been in your shoes and dont know how to help. Ive heard really cruel things from female work friends talking about another girl in an abusive relationship and how she deserved it for staying, so they stopped talking to her.. not knowing that i secretly was too! I hope you can find a dom viol support center, or maybe a therapist who specializes in trauma or complex ptsd to help you figure things out. There are also centers and hotlines on a national level. It can be hard both emotionally and in practical financial terms to leave someone you care about, even if they did awful things to you. It tears your head and heart into pieces. You really need someone you can trust to help you. Good decision not to publicly share your location. Wait till you can DM. Wishing you a peaceful night.

 

[lekomania]

Just be careful about your cutting. If you called cops for help and had visibly bleeding arms, he could claim you're unstable and making things up about him. Things can get real ugly real fast when people are cornered. Please be very careful and I would advise you not to escalate the violence. You dont know where it could lead. Stay safe.

A lot of people could back me up.

You need to get out of this relationship right NOW.
I'm only telling you what you already know.
He's obviously very insecure, controlling and quite possibly mentally ill. The longer you leave it, the harder it will become to break it off, regain your independence, salvage your self respect and should you choose to do so, move on to a better life with people who respect you rather than abusing you emotionally, psychologically and physically (if it hasn't happened already, it definitely will soon enough).
You will need to make it very clear that it's over, sever all ties and absolutely do NOT say it's over then take them back. This is only going to get worse..I can 100% guarantee that.

I was so sure about leaving him many times… and then i couldn't do it. We have two bunnies together, but they're not the main problem. Once when i tried to run away, i took them with me. He tried to threaten me, drunk, but i lawyered up and turns out he never called the police.
The biggest problem is, when he turns cold, it's like a switch in my brain.
"what have i done?, it's my fault" and all these thoughts. And it makes me stay.

A lot of people could back me up.

I was so sure about leaving him many times… and then i couldn't do it. We have two bunnies together, but they're not the main problem. Once when i tried to run away, i took them with me. He tried to threaten me, drunk, but i lawyered up and turns out he never called the police.
The biggest problem is, when he turns cold, it's like a switch in my brain.
"what have i done?, it's my fault" and all these thoughts. And it makes me stay.

Wha i meant, by "a lot of people could back me up", is there have been a lot of reports about us, either to the police, or the paramedics, stating that my unstable behavior happens because of his mental abuse. idk

 

[ThisUnrest]

I follow what youre saying. Im so sorry youre in this situation.

 

[Kattt]

I've been where you are and very nearly lost my own life and those of my kids.
Because you've issued empty threats, told him it's over then taken it back, it's given the impression that all this is acceptable for you.
Irrespective of the reports to the authorities, they see people like yourself everyday and it's the reason why they are loathe to get involved in domestic disputes.
It's good that there are official records, because it's necessary to obtain a restraining order, which I suggest you look into as soon as possible. It will send a clear message that you are serious about it and might just save your life.
"But the bunnies" as much as you love them, won't cut it on your gravestone

 

[ThisUnrest]

I wish Kattt and I could take you out for a coffee to help you feel better and talk through a plan. Are you sure a friend wont give you a place to stay for a little while? This is scary stuff to have to deal with by yourself. I hope it helps you to know that we care very much for your safety.

 

[lekomania]

I wish Kattt and I could take you out for a coffee to help you feel better and talk through a plan. Are you sure a friend wont give you a place to stay for a little while? This is scary stuff to have to deal with by yourself. I hope it helps you to know that we care very much for your safety.

Thank you very much. I wish i could go out for a coffee too, but we are probably very far away… It helps to know that, yes.
I could ask my friend, but they will probably answer in like… 6hours.

 

[nozomu]

I could share my location on PM. But i'm a new user and can't use it yet

I dmed, but if your account is too new, keep posting. You can unlock PMs that way. If you need a way to rack up posts try some of the stuff in off topic like counting game.

 

[Jimmyg]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I am a male and am also in a similar situation, although it is emotional abuse not physical (I have been slapped hard across the face.)

I would leave in a heart beat, except I am disabled, I have no money and no job, and we have two children. I have to stay for the children's sake, as I'm leaving them to the mercy of their super strict (Draconian) narcissistic and controlling mother. I am able to make a difference by being their for them. To explain the reason for her actions. But she is so horrible. It is awful.

It is taking a massive toll on me. I don't feel I could trust another person after this. I'm frequently suicidal. I am also struggling with an addiction to opiates (actually addicted to buprenorphine or subutex, the so called miracle for addicts!).

I self neglect, as in don't look after myself, don't care about myself. In truth I just want to give up.

 

[Jimmyg]

In fact right now I'm formulating a plan to get out of here for good.

 

[ThisUnrest]

Best of luck to you, Jimmy. Im sorry you and your kids are being abused. Thats so sad. Having disability and addiction in the mix has to make things extra difficult.

 

[lekomania]

In fact right now I'm formulating a plan to get out of here for good.

i hope it turns out in a way you want it to. your situation must be so fucking hard..

 

[Jimmyg]

Best of luck to you, Jimmy. Im sorry you and your kids are being abused. Thats so sad. Having disability and addiction in the mix has to make things extra difficult.

I am being abused that's for sure! My kids are mostly fine so far, she does love children, so at least she treats them relatively well. It's only when she gets angry and shouts at them. That's why I stay, to keep the punishments reasonable.

I do want to be clear that theres no children being straight up abused. I wouldn't stand for that and would go straight to authorities if that were the case!
Thanks for your reply! I keep going for now, but won't be able to keep this up forever.