ancient owl
New Member
- Feb 3, 2025
- 4
Last year, I tried to commit suicide, but I failed.
There was no solution except to tell my mother. I told her that I had been sick for three years, and that for a whole year I hadn't been going to university.
I already knew what her reaction would be before I told her. My mother and I were always close, always friends. She trusted me more than any of my siblings, and I was the closest one to her.
At first, she didn't believe me. In the end, when she was sure I was telling the truth, she took me to a psychiatrist. She asked me if I loved her not to do it again. She was crying. And I did what she asked, because I love my mother.
I went to therapy, and I went back to university. Of course, my mother paid for all of this. But I wasn't getting better on the contrary, my condition was worse than before.
Still, I swore to my mother that I would get better. I pressured myself. I attended all my university lectures and committed to my therapist . After all these attempts, I failed. Even though I attended every lecture, my grades were bad.
Of course, I was lying to the doctor so he would think I was improving. I wanted to stop going and hearing the same positive talk from him. Now, I don't know what to do.
After I told my mother that I was getting better and that I would succeed this year, I failed worse than before. I never asked for any of this. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I want to disappear.
Why can't people understand that there are people who are not made for life? Not everyone wants to live. I am tired.
Now I have to be honest with my mother again that I am a lying, worthless person who can't carry responsibility
or I try to commit suicide again and end all the guilt I feel.
In all cases, my mother will be the one who gets hurt, because of a worthless person like me.
There was no solution except to tell my mother. I told her that I had been sick for three years, and that for a whole year I hadn't been going to university.
I already knew what her reaction would be before I told her. My mother and I were always close, always friends. She trusted me more than any of my siblings, and I was the closest one to her.
At first, she didn't believe me. In the end, when she was sure I was telling the truth, she took me to a psychiatrist. She asked me if I loved her not to do it again. She was crying. And I did what she asked, because I love my mother.
I went to therapy, and I went back to university. Of course, my mother paid for all of this. But I wasn't getting better on the contrary, my condition was worse than before.
Still, I swore to my mother that I would get better. I pressured myself. I attended all my university lectures and committed to my therapist . After all these attempts, I failed. Even though I attended every lecture, my grades were bad.
Of course, I was lying to the doctor so he would think I was improving. I wanted to stop going and hearing the same positive talk from him. Now, I don't know what to do.
After I told my mother that I was getting better and that I would succeed this year, I failed worse than before. I never asked for any of this. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I want to disappear.
Why can't people understand that there are people who are not made for life? Not everyone wants to live. I am tired.
Now I have to be honest with my mother again that I am a lying, worthless person who can't carry responsibility
or I try to commit suicide again and end all the guilt I feel.
In all cases, my mother will be the one who gets hurt, because of a worthless person like me.
