Ohhhh..... Mann yess, I can relate. While I didn't grow up in an ideal household(school wasn't the best either), I often look back and try to figure out what went wrong. And I'm always amazed what an understanding, hardworking kid I was. I believe kids are very different from each other just like different kinds of colors. Some kids flourish in one environment while other may not in the same environment, do you get my point? And I may not have been in the worst environment, but it wasn't ideal for me either. That, including all the factors in my life, now I'm just a meatball. I try to be kind to myself but I really hate myself.
Don't worry, friend, I'm stupid as well.