Venting I'm so stupid, I accidentally let slip to my husband about my plans

[SHThrowAway213]

I was planning on trying out full suspension on Monday, after my failed partial attempt a couple of days ago
According to him I've been acting more depressed then usual and more snappy
He kept on bugging me about my mood, and I accidentally let slip about it because he wouldn't leave me alone.
Now he's extremely worried and won't shut up about how selfish it is doing it around Christmas, what would my family think ect.
I also have SN on the way and am worried he's going to intercept the package now.
Why couldn't I just keep my stupid mouth shut, why the fuck does he cares so much?
I'm so frustrated and disappointed

 

[Stan]

We are all human and we all make mistakes. Hope it all calms down for you.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I tell my friends and family through sly innuendo constantly. But ultimately no one really cares. Unless it's one of those pro life groups then they rat you out at any misnomer.

 

[SawItOnce]

Would it be possible to get into another discussion, be it intense and argument like, where you "accidentally" blurt out something that would imply that you lied/exaggerated about the ctb intention?

 

[anonbpdgirl]

I was planning on trying out full suspension on Monday, after my failed partial attempt a couple of days ago
According to him I've been acting more depressed then usual and more snappy
He kept on bugging me about my mood, and I accidentally let slip about it because he wouldn't leave me alone.
Now he's extremely worried and won't shut up about how selfish it is doing it around Christmas, what would my family think ect.
I also have SN on the way and am worried he's going to intercept the package now.
Why couldn't I just keep my stupid mouth shut, why the fuck does he cares so much?
I'm so frustrated and disappointed

I mean no offence, but what sort of a shitty husband guilt trips you about your own suicide?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I mean no offence, but what sort of a shitty husband guilt trips you about your own suicide?

Mine apparently.
He's very good otherwise, but he just doesn't understand why I'm suicidal and thinks I should stick around for him

 

[ReneeSuicideAccount]

Mine apparently.
He's very good otherwise, but he just doesn't understand why I'm suicidal and thinks I should stick around for him

Yeah because it's working out so well now lol

Maybe try to lay low and fake it for a week or two and hope he starts to forget everything

 

[Mloureiro]

I mean no offence, but what sort of a shitty husband guilt trips you about your own suicide?

Maybe he loves her and he is scared to lose her?

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I tell my friends and family through sly innuendo constantly. But ultimately no one really cares. Unless it's one of those pro life groups then they rat you out at any misnomer.

I have been doing this too. Very subtle hints and play on words. Either they chosen to ignore it or they just don't get it. After my ctb, maybe then will they only realize what they could have stopped

 

[Final Escape]

yea it's hard not to show signs prior I've found myself dropping hints not trying. The pple around u pick up on it sometimes.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Oh no, I know how hard it is when you are feeling very down and emotional to hide it- sometimes these things just come out! Can u make sure u get up earliest to get the post- even if u don't intend to take it at the moment and just keep it safe- atleast it will avoid the extra drama you may have to deal with if that parcel is found. best wishes

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this added pressure. Remember, you are in charge of you. Not guilt or your husband. Whatever you decide, it is YOUR decision. We at SS will support you either way. Hopefully your husband can do the same. Do you think you can defuse it by addressing it?

 

[I'm exhausted]

won't shut up about how selfish it is doing it around Christmas, what would my family think ect.

This disturbs me. I feel he only cares about what others may think hence the worry. He is selfish to say you're selfish without any regards to how you are feeling and offering any usable solutions. Isn't it selfish of him and others when you are suffering so much that you are contemplating suicide yet he wants you to live in misery. I may sound mean but I'm tired of "righteous" people pushing their feelings on you when they haven't lived as you.

Please do what you need to do. It's your life that you would have to live, not your husband's or anyone else. I'm sickened by all these guilt trips. It's not humane to let anyone live in misery. If they believe otherwise, they are terrible and selfish because THEY don't want to feel the pain. They only care about themselves.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Would it be possible to get into another discussion, be it intense and argument like, where you "accidentally" blurt out something that would imply that you lied/exaggerated about the ctb intention?

He wouldn't belive me.
He knows about my suicide attempts in the past and would not belive that I lied.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this added pressure. Remember, you are in charge of you. Not guilt or your husband. Whatever you decide, it is YOUR decision. We at SS will support you either way. Hopefully your husband can do the same. Do you think you can defuse it by addressing it?

No he will still be just as worried.
Trying to defuse the situation might make it worse.

 

[SawItOnce]

He wouldn't belive me.
He knows about my suicide attempts in the past and would not belive that I lied.

No he will still be just as worried.
Trying to defuse the situation might make it worse.

Sorry to hear that :(

 

[ManWithNoName]

Now he's extremely worried and won't shut up about how selfish it is doing it around Christmas,

It seems as if he's only upset because of the time of year, as opposed to being upset that you want to terminate your life. I don't mean to judge, but he seems very insensitive about you.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

Maybe he loves her and he is scared to lose her?

Wrong way to show love.

 

[onlyinsleep]

"Now he's extremely worried and won't shut up about how selfish it is doing it around Christmas, what would my family think ect."

No wonder you are suicidal. Think about reevaluating your relationship. It may be contributing to it. This person is literally more worried about what his family would think or the time of year you'd kill yourself. But he isn't worried that you'd KILL yourself. This person is wack.

 

[Spooks]

I don't think it's wrong for our loved ones to panic and want us to stay. To even say crap things to try and make you. That's their fear and panic speaking, I would think that they would be allowed that in some way, they will have to deal with the emotions we leave behind.
On the other hand I had a two hour conversation with my husband 5 days ago about my feelings. He hasn't said a word about it since. Like if he doesn't say anything I might forget. I don't think peoples brains react rationally in those situations especially if they haven't been there themselves.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

Yeah, I had a bad night and drunkenly texted my best friend. She demanded the drugs for my CTB (a part of the overall method). I just switched them out. So I still have them and she feels better. But I now I feel like I get the obligatory "how are doing?" in most of our conversations. I know she genuinely means it but now I just say Im doing good and move on.

 

[BlueWidow]

I almost told my sister-in-law yesterday that I wished I was dead, but I stopped myself. I'm trying not to let on at all that I am suicidal or have any plans to ctb. I'm so close. I don't want to screw it up now.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Maybe he loves her and he is scared to lose her?

I know that is the case here but it's very frustrating when he says stuff like I'm not allowed to try to die.
I should be allowed to choose what I want to do to myself

 

[Sunshine]

I know that is the case here but it's very frustrating when he says stuff like I'm not allowed to try to die.
I should be allowed to choose what I want to do to myself

I mean I'm 100% pro-choice for suicide but you're acting a bit like a brat. It's only LOGICAL and NORMAL for people who love you (husband, family) to be terrified about it and trying to stop you. It' s a very difficult situation for them. You're not the only one who is in pain. Are you really asking why does someone who loves you care about you taking your own life? You can't be serious.

 

[schopenh]

> why the fuck does he cares so much?

A couple of reasons, any of them could be true, I don't know you are him:
1. He may actually legitimately care for you and misunderstand your need to CTB as transient and therefore feel he is saving you.
2. He misunderstands your level of suffering and sees your suicide as selfish for the emotional grief it may cause others.
3. Ideology (probably the most important): the zeigeist is not pro-choice, he will feel cognitive disonance if he tries to reason against the anti-choice thought processes.

The third point is probably the most important. It doesn't really matter what the individual intellectual and emotional interpretations of the situation are, because most people will just be anti-choice by culutural default and therefore will not be able to accept the CTB and act against it. This position is so strong and so taboo that there is basically no way you couldn't expect him to care so much.