Venting I'm so, so fucking tired and I don't know what else there is for me to do

[TiredKitty]

First I'd just like to mention that I'd been joined for a little while now, and mostly lurked when I first joined. (Funny enough, found the site from the video fella who shall not be named.) So yeah, lurked, never really got involved with conversations directly. Anxiety's a bitch like that, takes me a good while before I start feeling comfortable "talking". Even now, I feel nauseous thinking about posting this.

I took a break from lurking for a while, since I was trying to have a more positive mindset about life and things seemed like they were actually looking up.

Of course, that all went to shit. I don't know what to do. There are no prospects for me now. I want to CTB, fuck I always have, but I don't want to do anything impulsively. There'd be more of a risk of failure and having things be messy. Fuck. I need a plan. Maybe I just need to calm down and think.

I'm worried about trying to buy stuff online, since I won't lie I'm not too great with technology stuff. I'd want to try to find someone to help me CTB, but I'm AFAB… I've heard horrible, horrible stories of bad things happening to female people before and sometimes after to their bodies. I don't want that. I just want to stop existing. I want the constant emotional pain to stop. I don't want to feel pain when I CTB, or at least feel as little pain as possible.

God, I can't think straight. Idk if I want help, or someone to talk to, or if I'm just screaming into the void.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable feeling so tired of suffering in this existence and I will always find it so incredibly inhumane how it's purposely made so difficult to die. It really would be such a relief if there's the option to just leave this existence in peace, it would prevent so much suffering, the difficulty of ctb has always kept me trapped here.

 

[cscott]

First I'd just like to mention that I'd been joined for a little while now, and mostly lurked when I first joined. (Funny enough, found the site from the video fella who shall not be named.) So yeah, lurked, never really got involved with conversations directly. Anxiety's a bitch like that, takes me a good while before I start feeling comfortable "talking". Even now, I feel nauseous thinking about posting this.

I took a break from lurking for a while, since I was trying to have a more positive mindset about life and things seemed like they were actually looking up.

Of course, that all went to shit. I don't know what to do. There are no prospects for me now. I want to CTB, fuck I always have, but I don't want to do anything impulsively. There'd be more of a risk of failure and having things be messy. Fuck. I need a plan. Maybe I just need to calm down and think.

I'm worried about trying to buy stuff online, since I won't lie I'm not too great with technology stuff. I'd want to try to find someone to help me CTB, but I'm AFAB… I've heard horrible, horrible stories of bad things happening to female people before and sometimes after to their bodies. I don't want that. I just want to stop existing. I want the constant emotional pain to stop. I don't want to feel pain when I CTB, or at least feel as little pain as possible.

God, I can't think straight. Idk if I want help, or someone to talk to, or if I'm just screaming into the void.

I'm screaming into the void too.. I hear the cry honestly. Life is sickly I never wanna experience this shit again

 

[luminouss]

It's such a shame there are no easy ways out.

 

[TiredKitty]

I have calmed down a bit, less in "crisis mode" now, but still feel incredibly... tired

My mental illness ruins everything for me, and even with meds and coping mechanisms there's only so much they can "fix" or suppress. A lot of it's still there, and I still very much don't want to be around anymore. I'm just too scared to do anything about it.

I don't get why optional, painless CTB isn't legal / an option for people who've suffered with chronic mental illness. I've tried pretty much everything, nothing's worked, and I'm just a failure... I'm worthless to society, and I don't want to be here, so I truly don't understand why I'm not allowed to go.

 

[sserafim]

I have calmed down a bit, less in "crisis mode" now, but still feel incredibly... tired

My mental illness ruins everything for me, and even with meds and coping mechanisms there's only so much they can "fix" or suppress. A lot of it's still there, and I still very much don't want to be around anymore. I'm just too scared to do anything about it.

I don't get why optional, painless CTB isn't legal / an option for people who've suffered with chronic mental illness. I've tried pretty much everything, nothing's worked, and I'm just a failure... I'm worthless to society, and I don't want to be here, so I truly don't understand why I'm not allowed to go.

Same, I wish I could have the option to VAS as well. My chronic mental illness (Asperger's/autism, ADHD, and social anxiety) is incurable and I wish I could have a right to leave this world instead of being forced to keep living. Life is so tiring and I wish I could have a way out

I'm screaming into the void too.. I hear the cry honestly. Life is sickly I never wanna experience this shit again

Literally! I hate the fact that I was forced to experience life in the first place.