syl
I am so bored
- Jun 23, 2022
- 2
Im the best ive ever been in life since i was a little kid. Am i happy? somewhat, but it doesnt even matter. Im as "stable" as i can be and its still not enough. My life is a constant up and down. I go from planning my suicide one day to hanging out loving life the next. Its absolutely exhausting. I just want it to end, im okay with losing the times I genuinely do enjoy my life for the sake of just getting some rest. I wish i could just live without worrying when my next depressive episode is going to hit. Waiting for the euphoria to come back as im planning to off myself myself the next day. If it was one or the other it would be so much better. Im medicated, have gone to therapy for years, in and out of psych wards since i was 12, and im still just as bad. The only thing thats changed is that i havent acted on anything. I think i might just do it before i hit my 30s, if i still want to live ill continue but its so tiring and i dont want to get old. Is that bad? should i wait even longer because im still young. Im so lost and dont know what to do anymore.
sorry for the vent, havent slept and am slightly having a crisis
sorry for the vent, havent slept and am slightly having a crisis
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