I’M SO INTERNALLY PISSED OFF

[idontwannadothisanym]

maybe if I fucking didn't stop fucking training mma I would be the best I could fucking be and be able to get a job at the gym I used to train at as now they're employing kickboxing teachers people after corona dies fuck sake this shit gets me so pissed and want to CTB even more fuck man regret is the worst pain to have I tell you that fuck I had the whole entire world in my hands and I just crushed it fucking hell someone post me some fucking SN so I can get this shit over with the only thing I've learned since flipping not training is that I enjoy having a buzz cut and moisturising my scalp fuck I've abused my body ever since so many half assed hanging attempts inhaling deodorant eating shit fuck I'm sorry for the rant needed it out there.

 

[maru.]

fuck I'm sorry for the rant needed it out there.

No need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong.
Venting is a form of therapy by itself, so it's good that you get it out of your system.
I don't know the details of what's going on in your life, but i understand you're sad about not getting a job you feel you could get had you worked harder. Is it impossible for you to get the job or are you predicting that you won't be good enough to get it? Because if it's the latter, then there's still hope, perhaps you can train at home or at a park depending on how the lockdown is in your region, idk.

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

No need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong.
Venting is a form of therapy by itself, so it's good that you get it out of your system.
I don't know the details of what's going on in your life, but i understand you're sad about not getting a job you feel you could get had you worked harder. Is it impossible for you to get the job or are you predicting that you won't be good enough to get it? Because if it's the latter, then there's still hope, perhaps you can train at home or at a park depending on how the lockdown is in your region, idk.

It's just the internal regret and the social anxiety I suffered with before I started training and now I have after stopping that I have no self confidence in myself it's not that I couldn't or could get it I'm just so regretful of stopping training because I was progressing at high rate training 6x a week my therapist say I just burnt myself out as I felt I was so obsessed it was all or nothing now I'm in the nothing part literally nothing

 

[maru.]

It's just the internal regret and the social anxiety I suffered with before I started training and now I have after stopping that I have no self confidence in myself it's not that I couldn't or could get it I'm just so regretful of stopping training because I was progressing at high rate training 6x a week my therapist say I just burnt myself out as I felt I was so obsessed it was all or nothing now I'm in the nothing part literally nothing

I understand what you're saying, especially the regret part, there are few things more miserable than regret.
But still, you admit that there is a chance of you getting that job, and from your rant it seems like something that could cheer you up, so try to set that goal for yourself, it's one of the most important things when trying to fight depression/mental illness, having things to look foward to and invest time and energy in, goals overall.
Now, you regret stopping training, but your therapist said you burnt yourself out, so yeah, you ended up putting yourself in an all or nothing situation, but it's not impossible to fix... Another goal that i think you should set for yourself is, when your gym opens again, go back to training, but don't push yourself too much, try to find the balance, that's the key factor here i think.

 

[mesohappy]

maybe if I fucking didn't stop fucking training mma I would be the best I could fucking be and be able to get a job at the gym I used to train at as now they're employing kickboxing teachers people after corona dies fuck sake this shit gets me so pissed and want to CTB even more fuck man regret is the worst pain to have I tell you that fuck I had the whole entire world in my hands and I just crushed it fucking hell someone post me some fucking SN so I can get this shit over with the only thing I've learned since flipping not training is that I enjoy having a buzz cut and moisturising my scalp fuck I've abused my body ever since so many half assed hanging attempts inhaling deodorant eating shit fuck I'm sorry for the rant needed it out there.

Hilarious ..thanks

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

I understand what you're saying, especially the regret part, there are few things more miserable than regret.
But still, you admit that there is a chance of you getting that job, and from your rant it seems like something that could cheer you up, so try to set that goal for yourself, it's one of the most important things when trying to fight depression/mental illness, having things to look foward to and invest time and energy in, goals overall.
Now, you regret stopping training, but your therapist said you burnt yourself out, so yeah, you ended up putting yourself in an all or nothing situation, but it's not impossible to fix... Another goal that i think you should set for yourself is, when your gym opens again, go back to training, but don't push yourself too much, try to find the balance, that's the key factor here i think.

Thank you :) <3

Hilarious ..thanks

I'm confused

 

[maru.]

Thank you :) <3

I'm confused

You're welcome, i hope everything turns out okay afterall.
And remember, even though the goal of getting that job is set, don't get bummed out if it doesn't happen, things don't always go our way for these kinds of things because, well, other people want the job too, so it's not 100% under our control.
But getting back to training, that goal is under your control, so i'm sure you can do it, and i think it's the most important one right now.
Good luck!

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey love, I can def understand regret. I have many..

As long as u have ur health and strength, u can always get back to training once this mess is over..Don't b so hard on yourself..

My beloved nephew was a physical trainer n passed away in his sleep 3 wks ago..As long as u have life, u have hope..Get back in the game..♡♤◇♧
We're cheering u on..

Hilarious ..thanks

????

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

Hey love, I can def understand regret. I have many..

As long as u have ur health and strength, u can always get back to training once this mess is over..Don't b so hard on yourself..

My beloved nephew was a physical trainer n passed away in his sleep 3 wks ago..As long as u have life, u have hope..Get back in the game..♡♤◇♧
We're cheering u on..

????

Damn thank you feeling that gave me but it's so much easier said than done I'm in worst physical condition with double ruptured eardrums I see no hope but thank you so much :)

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hey love, I can def understand regret. I have many..

As long as u have ur health and strength, u can always get back to training once this mess is over..Don't b so hard on yourself..

My beloved nephew was a physical trainer n passed away in his sleep 3 wks ago..As long as u have life, u have hope..Get back in the game..♡♤◇♧
We're cheering u on..

????

I'm sorry about your nephew. RIP to him. A big hug to you... from me.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Damn thank you feeling that gave me but it's so much easier said than done I'm in worst physical condition with double ruptured eardrums I see no hope but thank you so much :)

So sorry to hear..What is the treatment for that?

I'm sorry about your nephew. RIP to him. A big hug to you... from me.

Ty so much♡

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

So sorry to hear..What is the treatment for that?

Ty so much♡

mini surgery but they don't want to give it me as it's apparently suppose to take long time to recover by itself

 

[Lostandfound7]

mini surgery but they don't want to give it me as it's apparently suppose to take long time to recover by itself

Ook..so I'm assuming ur not even considering this as an option for u in the future?

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

Ook..so I'm assuming ur not even considering this as an option for u in the future?

I'm not sure what's really going on as the hospitals are all otherwise engaged in the pandemic

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm not sure what's really going on as the hospitals are all otherwise engaged in the pandemic

Yeah, well they're not doing anything elective right now. But meant if u would consider this procedure once this pandemic settles...?

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

Yeah, well they're not doing anything elective right now. But meant if u would consider this procedure once this pandemic settles...?

yes I would guess so

 

[BlackPoppet]

So sorry to hear..What is the treatment for that?

Ty so much♡

You're welcome. I had a family member who passed away from SADS.

 

[Lostandfound7]

yes I would guess so

Ok...so u can b back in ur MMA once ur healed..Give it another shot since it's ur passion..

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

Ok...so u can b back in ur MMA once ur healed..Give it another shot since it's ur passion..

I'll try...

 

[Lostandfound7]

You're welcome. I had a family member who passed away from SADS.

I'm so sorry to hear that...we won't know exactly what happened until the coroner's report comes out in about 3 months..looks like he might have had a seizure from the way he looked in the bed..smh

 

[BlackPoppet]

I'm so sorry to hear that...we won't know exactly what happened until the coroner's report comes out in about 3 months..looks like he might have had a seizure from the way he looked in the bed..smh

Thank you. Oh no I'm so sorry! Did your nephew have any underlying health conditions?

 

[Lostandfound7]

Thank you. Oh no I'm so sorry! Did your nephew have any underlying health conditions?

Funny how sometimes the ones that hate life n don't wanna live, can't die. And the ones that love life n wanna live, die..the irony of life...

My nephew LOOOOOVED life!lol

 

[BlackPoppet]

Funny how sometimes the ones that hate life n don't wanna live, can't die. And the ones that love life n wanna live, die..the irony of life...

Yes! Very true. Its a strange irony. My mum also died in her sleep... very unexpected. Coroners report was Bronchial pneumonia. We never saw it coming.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Yes! Very true. Its a strange irony. My mum also died in her sleep... very unexpected. Coroners report was Bronchial pneumonia. We never saw it coming.

Omg. So sorry! Yes that was the own thing the coroner was able to say, that his lungs were filled with fluid. But she also said that could have been from intoxication..he was out celebrating..

 

[BlackPoppet]

Omg. So sorry! Yes that was the own thing the coroner was able to say, that his lungs were filled with fluid. But she also said that could have been from intoxication..he was out celebrating..

Aww! Well you have my condolences! It's awful when a loved one dies out of the blue.

I'll try...

That's the spirit!