![mnemosyne](/data/avatars/l/77/77762.jpg?1695711824)
mnemosyne
make it last forever
- Sep 24, 2023
- 3
nobody likes me anymore. i don't know what i did. before 2020 i was so close to normal, i felt like my life was finally starting to get better. i had friends who loved me and who i loved. to me it wasn't even just love, i adored them from the bottom of my heart, from their personalities to their looks to their life stories and mannerisms. they were all so perfect to me. sometimes i would just lay in bed and look at the ceiling and cry out of gratefulness and love to have met such wonderful people. i would try to show it too, in any which way i could. my favorite thing was talking to them when they were in relationships. i always felt so happy for them to have found love. i miss all of these things so much. i moved because i had to and i lost everything. i tried so hard but was unable to make friends. it broke me. that was 4 years ago. i've been struggling since. now all of my friends are online, i do school online. i rarely leave the house. my current friend group which is entirely online is still growing smaller. i have 2 people i talk to on a regular basis and it's usually just texting anyway. i push people away or they do it to me. usually for reasons unrelated to me/them. my thoughts have gotten worse. so much worse. it's hard to have bad thoughts when ur around people or things that distract you. when i left the house regularly when i was in public i was more concerned about how i was being perceived than i was thinking about killing myself. so that worked as a distraction. nowadays it's unbearable. i think about it all the time. i have so much built up anger and frustration towards the world. if there was a god i wish they would bless me with one fucking person. i just want a friend. it could be online or in person. just someone to play games with or hang out with. it's not even like i need a close emotional relationship with somebody. i just need somebody to like me. they don't even have to love me, just enjoy hanging out. i laugh i smile, i try so hard to be nice to people and considerate of others. yet it still feels like nobody likes me. i know a good part of it is in my own head. but i feel like just having people who likes u helps prevents those thoughts from being so prevalent. that's how it always was for me at least. idk i would love some real advice or just something. i swear if one person gave me a chance they would see that im not a terrible person and i can be a good friend and positive force in their lives, and just by even pretending to like me they could help save a life. idk how much longer i can keep living like this. even just giving me a site where i can make friends on would be enough, even if it's online i just want someone to be silly with :( is that too much to ask for?