Venting i’m so insanely lonely

[mnemosyne]

nobody likes me anymore. i don't know what i did. before 2020 i was so close to normal, i felt like my life was finally starting to get better. i had friends who loved me and who i loved. to me it wasn't even just love, i adored them from the bottom of my heart, from their personalities to their looks to their life stories and mannerisms. they were all so perfect to me. sometimes i would just lay in bed and look at the ceiling and cry out of gratefulness and love to have met such wonderful people. i would try to show it too, in any which way i could. my favorite thing was talking to them when they were in relationships. i always felt so happy for them to have found love. i miss all of these things so much. i moved because i had to and i lost everything. i tried so hard but was unable to make friends. it broke me. that was 4 years ago. i've been struggling since. now all of my friends are online, i do school online. i rarely leave the house. my current friend group which is entirely online is still growing smaller. i have 2 people i talk to on a regular basis and it's usually just texting anyway. i push people away or they do it to me. usually for reasons unrelated to me/them. my thoughts have gotten worse. so much worse. it's hard to have bad thoughts when ur around people or things that distract you. when i left the house regularly when i was in public i was more concerned about how i was being perceived than i was thinking about killing myself. so that worked as a distraction. nowadays it's unbearable. i think about it all the time. i have so much built up anger and frustration towards the world. if there was a god i wish they would bless me with one fucking person. i just want a friend. it could be online or in person. just someone to play games with or hang out with. it's not even like i need a close emotional relationship with somebody. i just need somebody to like me. they don't even have to love me, just enjoy hanging out. i laugh i smile, i try so hard to be nice to people and considerate of others. yet it still feels like nobody likes me. i know a good part of it is in my own head. but i feel like just having people who likes u helps prevents those thoughts from being so prevalent. that's how it always was for me at least. idk i would love some real advice or just something. i swear if one person gave me a chance they would see that im not a terrible person and i can be a good friend and positive force in their lives, and just by even pretending to like me they could help save a life. idk how much longer i can keep living like this. even just giving me a site where i can make friends on would be enough, even if it's online i just want someone to be silly with :( is that too much to ask for?

 

[Wolf Girl]

Look for Discord servers about your interests. Favorite fandom, sports, art, furry, whatever it is.

 

[Bleh61]

I get it. I have a few friends who live near me, but it just seems like I'm invisible to them. I have a friend who lives two blocks from me, and I don't hear from her unless I knock on her door.
I know it's old school, but maybe you should check out meetup.com. It's not a hookup site. It's a place where you can find local groups that interest you. Several years ago, I joined a short-lived group called the UME. Before I joined, I had no friends. Finding that group was the best thing that happened to me.

 

[hadenough58]

I know it is easier said than done but you need to get out and meet people, despite what the younger generation believe online is not real and they can and will disappear into the ether as fast as they appeared?
Once you have met somebody in person you have a tangible relationship to build on, they are not all going to become your best friend but casual friendships, meeting for a drink, cinema etc can fill a gap in your life.