I'm so fucking sick of failing. What next?

[DyingToDie123]

Went to the bridge again last night. Came close a number of times, but SI is a bitch, and I just hate so many things about jumping from this particular location (passers-by, being restricted to 1-3am, having to park a mile away and walk to the bridge). I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact this just might not be the method for me.

I have now tried:

• Inert gas (specifically argon)
• Partial hanging
• Overdosing
• (almost) jumping

SN is hopefully coming in the mail soon but I throw up ridiculously easily so I'm not counting on that one.

I can't legally buy a gun because of my involuntary hospitalization and restraining order.

I'm getting desperate. I'm running out of time until I run out of money and have to move back in with my parents and then all bets to ctb are off.

I know there are other options but they just get more and more complicated. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Lakavi]

I know the feeling.
Been to many a cliff feeling your body screaming not to jump. Thinking about the impact.

I've cut my wrists, even got a nice cut on my carotid artery at one point which only ruined the motor functions in a quarter of my face.
Even had a loaded gun against my head when I was younger. Still regret not pulling that trigger...
It was an assault rifle so I was scared I'd mess up the angle and blow half my face off.

It's hard.
Anyone who says it's for cowards are insane.
Especially jumping. I'd imagine it's the method where your survival instinct will kick in the most.
There's a reason jumping only makes up a small portion of attempts statistically.

I'm tired of failing too but I'll keep searching.

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb sounds so dreadful and horrible to me, I find it so extremely cruel how people cannot just have the option to easily die in peace. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.