Venting I'm so fucking lazy I can't even find the motivation to prepare for CTB

[flakeyknight]

I need to start deleting some information, buy some items and find a place to do it. Except I have almost 0 motivation to do it as I just mope in bed all day and doomscroll. I also need to fast but food is just too fucking tasty and I always cave into eating. I have to be gone at least 1 month before my next birthday but I always put off CTB plans

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What's ur method? SN? Bc you mention fasting. Well, eating is one of the things I still enjoy, probably you, too? That's probably some early SI that disturbs here but I don't know how to get over it. I'm not planning to leave soon but I should also prepare some things, just in case and I also never have motivation to even start.

 

[WretchedDreams]

Same on this side. I had CTB plans at the end of last year but laziness always comes raring its ugly head (also fear, doubts, overthinking), and I think it's another way that SI manifests itself. It seems to me that the limbic nucleus of the brain takes control of the executive part, but not only in such explicit ways, it can also "bribe" your senses with the little joys that are still effective. The food, for instance. Or just another fix, one last date with Rosie Palms, and before you least realize it, another year has passed.

I hope you find the strength for whatever you set out to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

Ideally nobody should ever have to plan suicide in the first place, the option to fall into an eternal sleep should always be there, people shouldn't have to struggle so much to die when they are already tired of everything.

 

[claraisnotcarol]

can I ask if you are planning to fast for the SN method or because some kind of Ed?
you don't have to answer if you don't want to! the last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable.
I asked because the first time I tried to cbt and failed, I suffered from anorexia, so I was obsessed with waiting to the right time and get the my goal weight since I wanted to be found skinny and "pretty"

 

[Andrew10]

We are in the same situation, sometimes it is laziness, other times fear and other times an unknown feeling that makes me question everything and stops me, I don't know how to explain it. I feel like I'm not ready yet but I also feel like it's just a small temporary phase in which I will gain the courage to do it.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

this is so me

 

[voyager]

Have been struggling with low energy too, almost slothful, and love to procrastinate as well. Basically, don't stress yourself out and just do one bit at a time. Might take a while, but eventually one gets there.

What's ur method? SN? Bc you mention fasting. Well, eating is one of the things I still enjoy, probably you, too? That's probably some early SI that disturbs here but I don't know how to get over it. I'm not planning to leave soon but I should also prepare some things, just in case and I also never have motivation to even start.

Food is good yea, but nothing to worry about there. Perhaps it's better to be ideal weight, but really it's just one night fasting, maybe even have a small breakfast and one is ready in the evening. It's not too hard, similar to having surgery.

 

[flakeyknight]

What's ur method? SN? Bc you mention fasting. Well, eating is one of the things I still enjoy, probably you, too? That's probably some early SI that disturbs here but I don't know how to get over it. I'm not planning to leave soon but I should also prepare some things, just in case and I also never have motivation to even start.

can I ask if you are planning to fast for the SN method or because some kind of Ed?
you don't have to answer if you don't want to! the last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable.
I asked because the first time I tried to cbt and failed, I suffered from anorexia, so I was obsessed with waiting to the right time and get the my goal weight since I wanted to be found skinny and "pretty"

Yes I am attempting with SN, I also have to book a hotel and take antiemetic so that my body gets used to it. but the more I wait the more expensive hotel rooms get.

Have been struggling with low energy too, almost slothful, and love to procrastinate as well. Basically, don't stress yourself out and just do one bit at a time. Might take a while, but eventually one gets there.

Food is good yea, but nothing to worry about there. Perhaps it's better to be ideal weight, but really it's just one night fasting, maybe even have a small breakfast and one is ready in the evening. It's not too hard, similar to having surgery.

Some mornings I wake up feeling an overwhelming urge to CTB but then my ribs and calf start cramping if I fast for too long along with cravings. Several times I have been put in situations where I am all alone after hours of fasting and think its a perfect opportunity to CTB but instead I use the time to play games and enjoy good food while having the home alone to myself. I also need to delete some emails, social media and traces of my plans. But I also proctastinate on that.

 

[voyager]

Some mornings I wake up feeling an overwhelming urge to CTB but then my ribs and calf start cramping if I fast for too long along with cravings. Several times I have been put in situations where I am all alone after hours of fasting and think its a perfect opportunity to CTB but instead I use the time to play games and enjoy good food while having the home alone to myself. I also need to delete some emails, social media and traces of my plans. But I also proctastinate on that.

Yeah, everyone at their own pace, we'll die sooner or later anyway and as long as one can cope and still find some joy that's often good enough. Am procrastinating on my belongings as well. Can't destroy them while here and if for some reason it doesn't happen I'd just regret it and therefore will just have to rely on people to respect my wishes when it's time.

 

[claraisnotcarol]

Yes I am attempting with SN, I also have to book a hotel and take antiemetic so that my body gets used to it.

I think for me would be more difficult the liquid fast. I'm used to drink a lot of juice and I love it. you can't even drink water for the day right? (correct me if I'm wrong).
it's impossible that you die if you skip barely the fast?

mornings I wake up feeling an overwhelming urge to CTB but then my ribs and calf start cramping if I fast for too long along with cravings. Several times I have been put in situations where I am all alone after hours of fasting and think its a perfect opportunity to CTB but instead I use the time to play games and enjoy good food while having the home alone to myself. I also need to delete some emails, social media and traces of my plans. But I also proctastinate on that.

also, I feel that during that day I would be watching a lot of movies/TV shows to distract myself, and my mind associates it with eating junk