I'm so fascinated by all these (military/intelligence ageny) special forces guys

[Promortalistic4Life]

They're badass and mentally and emotionally hard as steel. Their training and selection course are agonizing and the hardest military programs in the world and only few have the willpower to fight through hell. When they take part in a CQC (= close quarters combat) action they're tactical methods are remarkable, the way they clean out rooms with such professionalism. They are capable to control their minds like a firebreather controls his fire, and this is how they can resist interrogation when captured by enemy forces. They rappel down and kick in windows, arise from deep-sea and take the enemy by stealth and just wear those badass gears and night-vision googles and gas masks. My brother was obsessed with them as well, and wanted to join the KSK, but he didn't out of ethical reasons/his christian beliefs and to not hurt our mom. I never talked about it with anyone, as I know that people outside this forum would judge me for my desires so I'd be too ashamed to admit it but I would absolutely love to parttake in such selection (even if I would fail) and just being like my heros, just a bit. I'm also a massive fan of these MTF special ops units from the SCP universe. They are responsible for capturing and containing these dangerous, paranormal anomalies (SCPs; SCPs aren't neccessarely monsters, ghosts or demons they can also be cursed rooms, environments, items whatever). If only I could find a way out of my problems, and (I don't believe in the supernatural but whatever) be one of these MTF operators and go on a house raid in the middle of the night to capture an anomaly... fucking hell.


Scene from the horror-short SCP: Dollhouse (2019). Perhaps the best movie I've ever seen. Usually, in Hollywood horror-blockbusters, it's often just a bunch of unaware, panicky teenagers encountering sth beyond life. Here they already have somewhat of a clue what they're dealing with, and send in these highly-trained special forces operators to deal with the ethereal threat. But, even though they're so well-trained and prepared and armored, only 3 out of 6 of these men leave the Dollhouse...

If only OCD wouldn't fuck up my life. If only I could have a SOMEWHAT healthy mind. If only I could live freely without intrusions, LIVE. If only I could be just like my brother, just like these guys. But to me it seems like death is the only answer. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I can control my depression and my existential dread. Not my OCD though.

 

[netrezven]

My first hand experience:
They have self esteem issues.
They fuck up innocent peoples life's, playing it's the right thing to do.
They brake all of their promises.
They are not capable of having real friends.
They commit more crimes, but hate on criminals.
They live with the idea that everybody else owns them something.
Some literally run their own crime organisations.
They profit power from people who don't know their rights.
They live for gossip and gaslighting.
Some thing that their position actually protects them from what they do to other people.
None of them ever thinks that when one "bad" guy is out, dozen others come in his place. And maybe that's the purpose of their orders.
All of the "Top" secret stuff is just private business or salary And has nothing to do with any real cause.
Almost most of them will follow the most stupid orders without questioning.
This list can go so fare more, and I don't even wanna start with military sectors.
And this is not local, it's worldwide spread nonsense.

 

[Promortalistic4Life]

My first hand experience:

I wasn't aware of that... guess I should have distinguished between these people and the romantic, heroic image I have of them in my head. Thanks for the info.

 

[netrezven]

I wasn't aware of that... guess I should have distinguished between these people and the romantic, heroic image I have of them in my head. Thanks for the info.

Don't trust or consider my writing, it's too subjective. I like some movies too.

 

[Promortalistic4Life]

Don't trust or consider my writing, it's too subjective. I like some movies too.

Oh ok. Just wanna point out that it doesn't matter to me wheter others talk good or bad about special forces and the military in general. I'm pretty neutral about this topics. I'm ok with these "hardcore" guys being majorly flawed, cos, like I said, to me it's the image I have of them rather than them themselves. Just like a nerdy kid who is fascinated by space rangers and science-fiction in general. You know the former SBS soldier Ant Middleton? I love listening to his motivational videos while running or working out, even tho I really dislike him as a human being (he's also pretty full of himself).
And to your point about these guys having self-esteem issues, I think you were spot on. I just cannot imagine anyone entering such program without feeling "small". I think they all want to prove them or others sth, and they wanna feel like big bois but you know what? I think that's fine. It's fine as long as they don't become assholes. David Goggins had also massive self-esteem issues before becoming a SEAL and an ultramarathon runner (and I believe he still has), but he's a nice guy (or that's at least what people say who hang around with him).