I'm sinking against my will

[Foresight]

I'm not doing so well. It's completely involuntary. I have such severe ptsd that I find myself slipping into psychosis. I never experienced psychosis until this year so I'm unequipped to know what to do about it. It's very scary.

I'm always scared. There's a fear in me that's unresolvable. The thing is I do all that I can to get better, but the illnesses are so much bigger than me. It's taken over my mind, my heart rate, my muscles, my voice. I can't speak well, I can't heal, I can't move. I'm in SHOCK. I'm shocked by this life. I'm trying but my quality of life is very low. I don't know if I'm going to win this. Suicide is a true path when suffering far exceeds anything else. I'm scared of my own existence. I'm scared of death. I wish I didn't need to live or die. I wish I never was. Everything is too much for me.

 

[onleana]

im sorry you are suffering this much. life is very unfair. sending you lots of hugs

 

[perrin_still_here]

psychosis is a sucky feeling, i know from experience. i am proud of you for holding on for this long. sometimes we all need a bit of serenity. i hope you find it. kudos to you <3

- perry

 

[Forever Dead]

I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how dreadful it feels. I have been finding life to be very frightening for many years now. I cannot understand why we are here, and who created us etc, and I certainly dont believe in a god, so I have a big problem dealing with reality because everything just feels wierd. I am currenltly struggling with depersonalization and derealization, which is often bizarre and terrifying. I am now at my lowest point because literally everything in life is going wrong including imminent homelesness on the horizon. I have made peace with the fact that I am well and truly fucked, and there is no fight left in me anymore. Once you reach a certain point after battling life and its demons for many years, you just realise that everything is futile and this sick game of life is rigged against you. Many of us here feel just like you do, and it fucking sucks big time. Maybe you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your suffering, I know it can help a lot when you are in the pit of despair.

 

[Foresight]

I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how dreadful it feels. I have been finding life to be very frightening for many years now. I cannot understand why we are here, and who created us etc, and I certainly dont believe in a god, so I have a big problem dealing with reality because everything just feels wierd. I am currenltly struggling with depersonalization and derealization, which is often bizarre and terrifying. I am now at my lowest point because literally everything in life is going wrong including imminent homelesness on the horizon. I have made peace with the fact that I am well and truly fucked, and there is no fight left in me anymore. Once you reach a certain point after battling life and its demons for many years, you just realise that everything is futile and this sick game of life is rigged against you. Many of us here feel just like you do, and it fucking sucks big time. Maybe you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your suffering, I know it can help a lot when you are in the pit of despair.

Whenever this hits me my empathy just skyrockets. I wish I could say I feel better to relate but I can't hold back tears knowing how you feel and what you're going through. The only thing keeping me off the streets is pure luck and my heart hurts for people out there. I wouldn't wish this life and this suffering on anyone. This realm of existence is just too fucking much.

 

[Forever Dead]

Whenever this hits me my empathy just skyrockets. I wish I could say I feel better to relate but I can't hold back tears knowing how you feel and what you're going through. The only thing keeping me off the streets is pure luck and my heart hurts for people out there. I wouldn't wish this life and this suffering on anyone. This realm of existence is just too fucking much.

Whenever this hits me my empathy just skyrockets. I wish I could say I feel better to relate but I can't hold back tears knowing how you feel and what you're going through. The only thing keeping me off the streets is pure luck and my heart hurts for people out there. I wouldn't wish this life and this suffering on anyone. This realm of existence is just too fucking much.

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. Its wonderful to know that there are still some compassionate beings out there in this hellish world. And once again I am so sorry that you are really going through such a bad time at the moment. My heart goes out to you.

 

[whatevs]

This place is definitely what christians refer to as "Hell" or at the very least "Purgatory". Even if you are a materialist is still an apt description, seeing what goes on historically.

You aren't delusional for finding it scary in a general sense. I think people that are temporally comfortable and content while being completely oblivious of what can happen to them are more delusional, but at the end of the day during their delusion they feel better than us. Sooner or later this reality will spawn something painful or demoralizing for them, but unlike some of us pessimists in this forum they aren't aware of that 24/7.

Though of course, PTSD is a mental scar, and you would be better off without it. I guess it might be correct to call it a delusion, since it makes you scared and tense in situations where danger is very unlikely.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be unbearable going through all that. It sounds really horrible living with so much fear. I'm sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[_Minsk]

I can just relate to op, have been in this kind of situation for many years, this last year is so intense and its consuming me. It just won't get better and the trauma sticks with me wherever i go. I can just try to distract myself but it doesn't really do anything, i feel trapped.. it's really bad when psychosis starts to kick in, i mean something really horrible must happen that someone starts to get psychotic i think. Im sorry you're dealing with this, i hope you find relief the one or other way.

 

[jimmy7754]

This place is definitely what christians refer to as "Hell" or at the very least "Purgatory". Even if you are a materialist is still an apt description, seeing what goes on historically.

You aren't delusional for finding it scary in a general sense. I think people that are temporally comfortable and content while being completely oblivious of what can happen to them are more delusional, but at the end of the day during their delusion they feel better than us. Sooner or later this reality will spawn something painful or demoralizing for them, but unlike some of us pessimists in this forum they aren't aware of that 24/7.

Though of course, PTSD is a mental scar, and you would be better off without it. I guess it might be correct to call it a delusion, since it makes you scared and tense in situations where danger is very unlikely.

I have irrational anxiety because of my PTSD. It is uncomfortable.

 

[Foresight]

I went ahead and got a prescription for clonidine to hopefully dial down my fight or flight response. I need to get my body to calm down to get my head on straight.