Venting I'm sick of abuse.

[degeneratewaste]

Throughout my entire life, I've always had at least one person mentally abusing me. Family, partners... "friends"...
I don't understand what it is about me that just screams 'mentally abuse me'. Maybe I give off some sort of aura of brokenness. Like a pheremone or something. I'm unsure, but all I know is that the sort of people I attract all seem to want to prey on me, like some sort of parasite.
The abuse just feels endless. Exhausting. It cripples me. I feel as if I can never heal from the bad stuff, the trauma, because it's never going to end. There will always be someone there perpetuating the intention of the last. It's like slow excrutiating pain, like picking off a scab to a wound so that it will never heal. And the mental scars are indefinite. I've become a shell of a person and I'm so afraid.
I want this all to end. It feels like I'm the problem. Maybe without me these people would be happy. Or would have been happy. Maybe if it weren't for me, it would be all better.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I'm sorry you've had to go through all that. If you're being abused, it's not you that's the problem, it's them.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry to hear life has been so cruel. I feel you, some of us are just magnets for emotional abuse.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Throughout my entire life, I've always had at least one person mentally abusing me. Family, partners... "friends"...
I don't understand what it is about me that just screams 'mentally abuse me'. Maybe I give off some sort of aura of brokenness. Like a pheremone or something. I'm unsure, but all I know is that the sort of people I attract all seem to want to prey on me, like some sort of parasite.
The abuse just feels endless. Exhausting. It cripples me. I feel as if I can never heal from the bad stuff, the trauma, because it's never going to end. There will always be someone there perpetuating the intention of the last. It's like slow excrutiating pain, like picking off a scab to a wound so that it will never heal. And the mental scars are indefinite. I've become a shell of a person and I'm so afraid.
I want this all to end. It feels like I'm the problem. Maybe without me these people would be happy. Or would have been happy. Maybe if it weren't for me, it would be all better.

This has got to be demoralizing to say the least and I have similar issues. It feels like we have a target on our back and everyone could pick up on it. Humans pick up on so many things that they aren't consciously aware of and I think one of them is that I am someone they want to mess with. I feel for you. Just know that you aren't the only one with this problem and we did not choose to be made this way. We are unlucky. It is very sad but I'm okay with it. I will bow out of this game and spare myself from this pointless struggle.

I am curious though, could you give me a typical example of how this happens to you? Maybe just the first thing that comes to mind? If you don't want to share this, then feel free to not reply.

 

[Meditation guide]

all I know is that the sort of people I attract all seem to want to prey on me, like some sort of parasite.

You may have been set up for this type of a life by your parents. Abusive users look for people who will take abuse or allow themselves to be used, and not leave and just accept it. I've had to learn how to have strong boundaries.

If it feels like maybe you are the problem, it may be that you do not know how to recognize the red flags that someone is using or abusing you right away and block them from your life, or from being too close.

The people you describe are narcissists and most are probably the "covert" (hidden) type who wear nice masks to lure people like you in. They seek out people to prey on who will not know to reject them and will take anything from them. Narcissists need to be strictly avoided and you need to learn to spot them quickly.

 

[degeneratewaste]

I am curious though, could you give me a typical example of how this happens to you? Maybe just the first thing that comes to mind? If you don't want to share this, then feel free to not reply.

The person in question finds me, is nice, we form a relationship, they give glowing promises of friendship or love, everything seems fine. Then after a bit of time they become more abusive until it's unbearable.

You may have been set up for this type of a life by your parents. Abusive users look for people who will take abuse or allow themselves to be used, and not leave and just accept it. I've had to learn how to have strong boundaries.

If it feels like maybe you are the problem, it may be that you do not know how to recognize the red flags that someone is using or abusing you right away and block them from your life, or from being too close.

The people you describe are narcissists and most are probably the "covert" (hidden) type who wear nice masks to lure people like you in. They seek out people to prey on who will not know to reject them and will take anything from them. Narcissists need to be strictly avoided and you need to learn to spot them quickly.

I think maybe I have been set up for it by my parents. I find it so hard to spot red flags until it's too late and I'm in a complete mess.

 

[grungeCat]

Throughout my entire life, I've always had at least one person mentally abusing me. Family, partners... "friends"...
I don't understand what it is about me that just screams 'mentally abuse me'. Maybe I give off some sort of aura of brokenness. Like a pheremone or something. I'm unsure, but all I know is that the sort of people I attract all seem to want to prey on me, like some sort of parasite.
The abuse just feels endless. Exhausting. It cripples me. I feel as if I can never heal from the bad stuff, the trauma, because it's never going to end. There will always be someone there perpetuating the intention of the last. It's like slow excrutiating pain, like picking off a scab to a wound so that it will never heal. And the mental scars are indefinite. I've become a shell of a person and I'm so afraid.
I want this all to end. It feels like I'm the problem. Maybe without me these people would be happy. Or would have been happy. Maybe if it weren't for me, it would be all better.

I'm sorry you feel so terrible... sometimes it feels like every human on this f... planet wants nothing but make us suffer. For nothing, only because we are the most perfect target for being abused. Mental pain is very exhausting and makes you run out of will to live instantly. No one sees it, no one respects it, yet it exists and hurts all the time...

 

[Good4Nothing]

I feel the same way.

 

[okaoki]

i had to be aware of my surroundings at all time , especially my brother, he and my mother mentally abused me for so long
its really tiring , i can't do anything everyday, im short of attention and focus.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Throughout my entire life, I've always had at least one person mentally abusing me. Family, partners... "friends"...
I don't understand what it is about me that just screams 'mentally abuse me'. Maybe I give off some sort of aura of brokenness. Like a pheremone or something. I'm unsure, but all I know is that the sort of people I attract all seem to want to prey on me, like some sort of parasite.
The abuse just feels endless. Exhausting. It cripples me. I feel as if I can never heal from the bad stuff, the trauma, because it's never going to end. There will always be someone there perpetuating the intention of the last. It's like slow excrutiating pain, like picking off a scab to a wound so that it will never heal. And the mental scars are indefinite. I've become a shell of a person and I'm so afraid.
I want this all to end. It feels like I'm the problem. Maybe without me these people would be happy. Or would have been happy. Maybe if it weren't for me, it would be all better.

I know exactly how you feel, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

This is why good people snap...

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I find it so hard to spot red flags until it's too late and I'm in a complete mess.

Do you ever sense red flags before you're cognitively aware? Do you get a flash of a gut feeling or some other kind of feeling that says something is off? We have a kind of internal warning system that processes things much more quickly than we do cognitively, that says something is wrong and to get away, even though we don't yet know what it is. Personally, I used to get that and override it, make excuses for the person, make excuses for why I was feeling that or that it was an overreaction, but it was never wrong. I've learned that the more I listen to it and honor it, the more honed it gets and the better it protects me. If my gut says something is wrong with what's happening, no matter how innocent it may appear on the surface or to others, I know that it's wrong and move to protect myself. I've learned to stop giving af if others say I'm overreacting.

As far as possibly giving off something that says, "Abuse me," I've learned that when I start speaking up and speaking out, people may fight it, but they also have a tendency to back off because I'm no longer an easy target. Their reactions reveal a lot about them. A person who respects boundaries and has self-awareness is not going to have a problem with someone speaking and defending their boundaries.