Venting I'm scared of my friends

[Meimi18]

They just care a lot y'know?
They keep telling me to rely on them and that they'll be patient with me, but how long until that patience runs out? How long until they realise there's nothing worth caring for here? I don't want to be a burden, I already have all this emotional debt to them, how am I ever supposed to pay it back? I wish they would shout at me a little, I really upset them with my plan.
I can't tell if I would rather they be secretly mad, or if I would rather they be sincere about everything. I don't get why they aren't yelling at me

They're expecting me to explain all of this to them, but there's nothing to say. How am I supposed to explain that I'm just whiny over nothing, and that I just want to die for the sake of dying? I wish I had a good reason to ctb

I hope they give up soon, I hope they're angry at me
I just want them to forget about me already... I want them to be happy...

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I feel this way too. I want them to see that I am just weighing them down and leave so it hurts them less when I go.

 

[Maeve]

I feel the same im just burden a curse that is pulling them down and they just don't want to realize that.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Wow, it is nice to hear there are some good friends out there. My friends just straight out told as soon as life took a good turn for then that I was a burden and upsetting there happiness. That I deserved to be miserable because I was selfish and unable to put aside my pain for there happiness and good luck. Not that i wasnt happy for them, i just was unable to show it like they wanted because of the struggles in my life. They are all happily married with nice homes and good family's now, so maybe there where right and I'm a miserable shit that deserved to be alone, trodden on and left of the shelf.

 

[turbomightbegone]

Based off my own experience, it's kinda scary how much friends care. It kinda makes you feel bad after they try to help you with your problems. You'd expect them to shout and yell at you that it makes you start to overthink. I also feel the same way, that I'm putting pressure on my friends and just putting more on their plate. Sometimes it makes you feel like you can't even ctb, because they care too much, or at least seem to care. It makes you feel like you have to stay because of them, because you cant hurt them like that. It sucks.

 

[sad_rock]

it's nice that you have ftiends who care- all my friends left when i became too much. i dont blame them, things got scary and they couldnt handle it anymore. psychosis sucks tbh. but damn, it hurts but you cant blame anyone for leaving you behind. and its not something in their expertise to deal with mentally ill people- they were just college students. i miss them and who i was before though.

I hope they give up soon, I hope they're angry at me
I just want them to forget about me already... I want them to be happy...

from personal experience, dont go through this alone. it's better to have friends nearby who care and have the support you need. there could be times where they will say things that will hurt, but remember they are trying. theyre not experts but they care
Also, dont feel pressured to explain everything at once. It takes time to wrap eveeything you are dealing with into words. And that takes a lot to process.