I'm sadly still here

[Jen0804]

Hi everyone
I've been away for over a week after posting my goodbye theead
I overdosed on diazepam morphine with alcohol and attempted hanging , a member of th public found me in the woods and demanded she stayed with me for a night otherwise she would have called the police on me. She never did thankfully as I never gave her my real name and she's agreed to keep my "trust" so I let her bring me back home. After that I ended up getting a mental health act assessments due to people seeing rope marks on my neck. They have gone now but I remember passing out feeling like I was falling backwards into what I can only describe as a bright light that was behind me. I was peaceful and really wants do to stay where I was and go in to this light. It was like a strange dream. And bam back here again. The cocktail of drugs calmed me a lot to go ahead but I knew the Meds themselves wouldn't have done the job. I am just better prepared for next time which will be soon. I have a walk in wardrobe which is pretty big and I have a set up in there now away from dog walkers and all others wondering through woods at strange hours. was a young Irish girl about 23 and she just sat with me and I convinced her I was just acting on emotional impulse, she believed me.

Anyway my phone is damage done because I smashed it up but I can just about type on it so

Well
I failed and here I am.

Lost feeling and motor fund on in both hands up until today when it came back. I couldn't make a fist or anything I feel like I temporarily damage s my nerves or muscles or somethint
How is everyone?

 

[HGL91]

Hi everyone
I've been away for over a week after posting my goodbye theead
I overdosed on diazepam morphine with alcohol and attempted hanging , a member of th public found me in the woods and demanded she stayed with me for a night otherwise she would have called the police on me. She never did thankfully as I never gave her my real name and she's agreed to keep my "trust" so I let her bring me back home. After that I ended up getting a mental health act assessments due to people seeing rope marks on my neck. They have gone now but I remember passing out feeling like I was falling backwards into what I can only describe as a bright light that was behind me. I was peaceful and really wants do to stay where I was and go in to this light. It was like a strange dream. And bam back here again. The cocktail of drugs calmed me a lot to go ahead but I knew the Meds themselves wouldn't have done the job. I am just better prepared for next time which will be soon. I have a walk in wardrobe which is pretty big and I have a set up in there now away from dog walkers and all others wondering through woods at strange hours. was a young Irish girl about 23 and she just sat with me and I convinced her I was just acting on emotional impulse, she believed me.

Anyway my phone is damage done because I smashed it up but I can just about type on it so

Well
I failed and here I am.

Lost feeling and motor fund on in both hands up until today when it came back. I couldn't make a fist or anything I feel like I temporarily damage s my nerves or muscles or somethint
How is everyone?

Funny how when you try to live and ask for help with problems, no one gives a crap, but the moment someone sees another try to commit suicide, they love to make it their business.

 

[Mbound]

Hugs. I hope you're having an okay afternoon/morning/night.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I hope you're doing better now.

Funny how when you try to live and ask for help with problems, no one gives a crap, but the moment someone sees another try to commit suicide, they love to make it their business.

I never understood that. No one cares until you're not around to care about.

 

[HGL91]

I hope you're doing better now.

I never understood that. No one cares until you're not around to care about.

Even then, it's often short-lived. Especially if you're an adult and childless.

 

[oopswronglife]

Now is the time to step back and look after yourself. Maybe this will have been a good thing and a turning point, maybe not, but when in such a state you shouldn't make any big decisions. Chill out, give yourself time, and see what happens and how you feel once things have settled.

 

[Rocksandsand]

Urgh I am so sorry @Jen0804

Show yourself some kindness (always, but especially now). Take things easy, and give yourself space to process the trauma of everything that happened

 

[MAIO]

Hi everyone
I've been away for over a week after posting my goodbye theead
I overdosed on diazepam morphine with alcohol and attempted hanging , a member of th public found me in the woods and demanded she stayed with me for a night otherwise she would have called the police on me. She never did thankfully as I never gave her my real name and she's agreed to keep my "trust" so I let her bring me back home. After that I ended up getting a mental health act assessments due to people seeing rope marks on my neck. They have gone now but I remember passing out feeling like I was falling backwards into what I can only describe as a bright light that was behind me. I was peaceful and really wants do to stay where I was and go in to this light. It was like a strange dream. And bam back here again. The cocktail of drugs calmed me a lot to go ahead but I knew the Meds themselves wouldn't have done the job. I am just better prepared for next time which will be soon. I have a walk in wardrobe which is pretty big and I have a set up in there now away from dog walkers and all others wondering through woods at strange hours. was a young Irish girl about 23 and she just sat with me and I convinced her I was just acting on emotional impulse, she believed me.

Anyway my phone is damage done because I smashed it up but I can just about type on it so

Well
I failed and here I am.

Lost feeling and motor fund on in both hands up until today when it came back. I couldn't make a fist or anything I feel like I temporarily damage s my nerves or muscles or somethint
How is everyone?

Gods speed on your journey; it's worth going deep in the woods if that's an option. I am okay

 

[Jen0804]

It took me around 35 seconds to pass out and once I did my weight pulled me down and I was unconscious. It must have been a fraction of a second between feeling dizzy and going out. I'm not afraid now of doing it which has made me feel a lot better about next time

You are right people are quick to help when it's too late

Edit: I filmed the whole thing (for personal and legal reasons) hence why I know how long it took. I was unconscious for around twenty seconds. All in all less than a minute, a few more and I'd have been out of here. I had some seizure movements (blinking and head nodding) and then just went.

 

[JoeFailure]

It took me around 35 seconds to pass out and once I did my weight pulled me down and I was unconscious. It must have been a fraction of a second between feeling dizzy and going out. I'm not afraid now of doing it which has made me feel a lot better about next time

You are right people are quick to help when it's too late

That bright light you saw and felt makes me hopeful at least.

 

[Jen0804]

Even then, it's often short-lived. Especially if you're an adult and childless.

SL very true

And I feel you have kids their form of help is taking them from you.
I also Believe it's shortness lived when you are alone and they see your social supports aren't that great. Have a friend who is single and lives alone with no kjds snd they just laugh at her and dismiss everything because they know she hasn't no family and very few friends. Nobody to back her up and hold them accountable for their neglect.

 

[not_a_robot]

Hi everyone
I've been away for over a week after posting my goodbye theead
I overdosed on diazepam morphine with alcohol and attempted hanging , a member of th public found me in the woods and demanded she stayed with me for a night otherwise she would have called the police on me. She never did thankfully as I never gave her my real name and she's agreed to keep my "trust" so I let her bring me back home. After that I ended up getting a mental health act assessments due to people seeing rope marks on my neck. They have gone now but I remember passing out feeling like I was falling backwards into what I can only describe as a bright light that was behind me. I was peaceful and really wants do to stay where I was and go in to this light. It was like a strange dream. And bam back here again. The cocktail of drugs calmed me a lot to go ahead but I knew the Meds themselves wouldn't have done the job. I am just better prepared for next time which will be soon. I have a walk in wardrobe which is pretty big and I have a set up in there now away from dog walkers and all others wondering through woods at strange hours. was a young Irish girl about 23 and she just sat with me and I convinced her I was just acting on emotional impulse, she believed me.

Anyway my phone is damage done because I smashed it up but I can just about type on it so

Well
I failed and here I am.

Lost feeling and motor fund on in both hands up until today when it came back. I couldn't make a fist or anything I feel like I temporarily damage s my nerves or muscles or somethint
How is everyone?

I was wondering how you were doing, and if you escaped.

 

[Jen0804]

That bright light you saw and felt makes me hopeful at least.

It was something else

Imagine the brightest stage lights you can imagine, dazzling bright, through a huge door. And you are in front of that door with your back turned to it but from your peripheral vision you can see it around you and you feel like you are slowly falling backwards into it. I really wanted to. I remember "thinking" this is it., I'm going into this light

And well ... never happened

 

[not_a_robot]

SL very true

And I feel you have kids their form of help is taking them from you.
I also Believe it's shortness lived when you are alone and they see your social supports aren't that great. Have a friend who is single and lives alone with no kjds snd they just laugh at her and dismiss everything because they know she hasn't no family and very few friends. Nobody to back her up and hold them accountable for their neglect.

It's the same here. My social workers know that IRL I'm so isolated that I have to use *them* for my emergency contacts, so they also know there is absolutely no one in the world who will take my side if I'm abused, and they take full advantage.
For each agency paperwork, I use my caseworker from another agency as Emergency Contact. It's pathetic. I always beg them, just let me leave it fucking blank, nobody cares.

 

[Jen0804]

I was wondering how you were doing, and if you escaped.

Hugs they never got me! I made up some BS to the psychs and told them I was desperate to go home and hug my partner and that I was in regret for "trying such a thing" and I expressed false gratitude for being alive and then he started talking about me writing a book so I said I'd love to someday. Off they went. Just like tgat

HOWEVer know I need to be very careful now as next time (if there ever was one) I know they would have no trust in me

And sadly. Not escaped this planet yet. I'll be here maybe a couple of weeks. I'm going to get some jute rope and try pad it better.

Xxx

It's the same here. My social workers know that IRL I'm so isolated that I have to use *them* for my emergency contacts, so they also know there is absolutely no one in the world who will take my side if I'm abused, and they take full advantage.
For each agency paperwork, I use my caseworker from another agency as Emergency Contact. It's pathetic. I always beg them, just let me leave ot fucking blank, nobody cares.

Hugs hugs same here!!!! And yes you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I'm sorry

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Nice to have you back. I guess that's not really what you want to hear as you'd rather find lasting peace. It does fill me with hope too that you saw the light as you were close to ctb. I'm hoping to ctb in the next few months if not sooner x

 

[SinisterKid]

I only looked at your profile last night to double check last log in as I was wondering how things worked out for you.

Like you now know, after making a very nearly successful attempt, there is nothing to be afraid of. After discovering that for myself, the next time holds no fears for me whatsoever.

Glad you are ok and had the balls to let us all know here. Kudos on that score.

 

[Jen0804]

Thank you so much

I pondered for a day whether to return.but honestly there is absolutely no shame in it not being successful for any reason at all and I thought well if I return to let you know others may feel more comfortable doing so to

2) i met some really lovely people here and If I'm here for a couple more weeks then I'd like to keep talking with you all

3) thanks SS!

 

[Ruffian]

Well, I hope it's ok to say I'm happy to see you again and can empathize with how annoying it is to survive that particular OD that manages to kill people who aren't even trying. Waking up from an OD is one of the biggest feelings of failure I've had to tolerate. It's a sick joke that woman just happened to be passing by. At least she just sat with you. I'm sure you're very convincing as a sweet person IRL. For whatever reason, I'm glad to see you again. Hugs.

 

[lymbo]

Thank you so much

I pondered for a day whether to return.but honestly there is absolutely no shame in it not being successful for any reason at all and I thought well if I return to let you know others may feel more comfortable doing so to

2) i met some really lovely people here and If I'm here for a couple more weeks then I'd like to keep talking with you all

3) thanks SS!

dyd u do partyal hangyng why u choose the woods?

 

[MeltingHeart]

It took me around 35 seconds to pass out and once I did my weight pulled me down and I was unconscious. It must have been a fraction of a second between feeling dizzy and going out. I'm not afraid now of doing it which has made me feel a lot better about next time

You are right people are quick to help when it's too late

Edit: I filmed the whole thing (for personal and legal reasons) hence why I know how long it took. I was unconscious for around twenty seconds. All in all less than a minute, a few more and I'd have been out of here. I had some seizure movements (blinking and head nodding) and then just went.

may i ask how do you stop yrsllf or 'get bac up' after such 'trials' are you holding onto the rope at one end? - just wondering how everyone is doing all these practices- also my face went all puffy and weird when ive tried before and i didnt even feel that close to passing out, maybe i was though without knowing it.

 

[kkatt]

I was recently rescued
All I can think is "I shouldn't be here"

 

[Lady black]

I know this feeling. hope there are no permanent damages?

 

[MeltingHeart]

It was something else

Imagine the brightest stage lights you can imagine, dazzling bright, through a huge door. And you are in front of that door with your back turned to it but from your peripheral vision you can see it around you and you feel like you are slowly falling backwards into it. I really wanted to. I remember "thinking" this is it., I'm going into this light

And well ... never happened

It sounds kind of nice. Sorry for what happened

 

[kkatt]

My heart is fucked,but at least I will be able to try again.
I told absolutely nobody but someone just got suspicious and sent the police
Who kicked in my door,called a load of contacts,kicked in my mum's door and saved me