My life is suffering and death will most likely take away that suffering.
This is good except for the fact that death is unknowable.
Even if we infer that we just cease to exist, we can't imagine what that would be like.
So I choose to keep living solely because I'm familiar with life, even though it's a piece of shit.
Knowing that death is inevitable, still doesn't give me the courage to make a plan to CTB.
This is frustrating as hell and I desperately need to know how to get over this hurdle.
Death is the unknown to all life. We don't know much about the universe in our current times. If humanity lasts another million years these questions will probably be answered. Some people think that these questions could be answered within our lifetimes. Honestly I don't know how I feel like that, and I am not patient anymore. Something you need to understand though is that it makes sense that we've evolved a fear of death. It's a mechanism to sustain life. A way to reduce the fear of death is to think about life this way. You had no control over your birth, and everything about it. You didn't choose your ethnicity, height, all that. Heck you didn't even chose your species. You only remember your life, and not even the whole thing. You only remember since you were around 2 years or so, and up till now. Do you remember what happened before that? This scares me a lot, and I feel like barely anyone thinks about this. Another thing is dreams. Every day you get a feeling to lay down and go unconscious. Where are you in your dreams? Your dreams are part of reality since you experience them. You have no control over them. So from this perspective life is scary. Also people look at death in a way that it's something that happens everyday, and don't understand where people are going when they die. What about births though? When people are brought to life where are they coming from? That doesn't get thought of much. The way I see it is that I've always been self aware, and that's all I've ever known. I was dead before I was born, and I didn't experience anything, and despite that I wasn't terrified of life when I came into it. Everything just felt natural. You could die anytime of anything. Cancer, car crash, you name it. Sometimes I think we're just overthinking life.
