Venting I'm Ready to go.. My "LAST CRY FOR HELP" you may call

[whoami?]

Hey Everyone, here is a brief explanation of what has been going on with me. I'll really appreciate if you read the whole thingi lol

I from my childhood was a very ambitious kid.

1. First very very very passionate about the stuff I liked. And would do anything to achieve my goals.
2. Second, and worst thing that sticks to me to this day is that I "LOVE TOO MUCH" I care too much. I get obsessed easily and I would do anything to help you and to comfort you even if it brings discomfort to me. In my 19 years of life I have never met a single person who cares about me. I can tell you about a lot of stories were I loved people even though they hated me.
3. I had the ability to focus very deeply and critically on something I was passionate about. By that I mean extra ordinary amount of focus

My life was always filled up with suffering and pain being ignored, unloved and always bullied and treated harsh Here are a few of my tragedies :

I had dreams to be a professional soccor player but after working very hard for it.... My dream was crushed.
I was really bad at studies. Really Really bad. I never wanted to study in the First place, but my parents pressured me too. I worked hard and got good grades at my final year at high school. But that good time came to end.

The pressure kept building.I started to realize that I can't think clearly and can't learn anything. I started to notice a ringing voice in my ears and my head was always overwhelmed and fogged and sometimes in pain.My parents kept pressuring me and the day before the finals I decided to ctb but I was so in panic and
shamefully told my parents that I almost killed myself. They were shocked but still supported me. Now I'm put on anti depressants and yeah time is going bad. I have accepted the fact that I have lost all my powers and fall into the same pit no matter how hard I try to climb out. And to me life is meaningless without purpose.
I have so many blurry ideas of what I can do in "content creation" (Only thing that comes in my mind after failing at soccor) but I can't focus and critically think like I used to. My brain feels like a mess. I CAN'T EVEN THINK CLEARLY LIKE MY MIND IS ALWAYS FOGGED AND I FEEL SO NUMB AND PHYSICALLY WEAK. NOW I CAN'T EVEN WORK FOR THE THINGS I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT.Im pretty sure I'm gonna killmyself very soon and all these ideas are gonna die with me.

All my life I've always felt that I'm very different. I've never seen people as passionate about stuff and caring as I am
. I'm sorry if I'm judging them..

I'm just a boy who has been broken to his core. I've never felt relevant and loved in this cruel world.

This iis the most important part of this all :
It will really help if I can talk with someone who I can relate with. Maybe sharing each other's pain make it less.
Please only message me if you relate with me to some extent OR are willing help without judging me . Idk why I can't start convos on this web and message others. But you can message me on my email "[email protected]'


I'm sorry if this post said something that hurt any of the readers. I'm sorry if this came off as creepy and weird. I'm sorry if this came of weird. I don't know what to say....

Much love ❤❤❤

 

[cali22♡]

I am rlly sorry for your story but

You can also talk to the users here you don't need to send them an email the site is safe dont worry...


Take care

</3

 

[whoami?]

I am rlly sorry for your story but

You can also talk to the users here you don't need to send them an email the site is safe dont worry...


Take care

</3

Im new on this site and idk why it says that "I don't have permission to perform this action" Whenever I try to send a DM.

Thank you for the support it means a lot❤

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry that your dreams have been rushed by this cruel world~ :( I wish you the best even in spite of that and will pray for you~ >_< I know that it's really hard to give up on something you really love but perhaps, you can try a football rec league and continue from there while working some other job~ :) Perhaps you can work your way up find a new passion and dream~ :) after all, becoming a professional sports player is very difficult, and they are much fewer in number than the amount of those who wish to be them! >_<

I started to notice a ringing voice in my ears and my head was always overwhelmed and fogged and sometimes in pain.

I can't and won't diagnose anything, but is it frequent? Like Tinnitus?

 

[gudetamalover]

i just want to say that i relate to you. i may not have experienced some things you've gone through but i can definitely understand the way you feel. its sucks being pressured or pushed into stuff you have no interest in doing. all you really cant do is try, or find the route that is most comfortable with you. there are always options out there.

do you think it is the medication making your brain feel foggy/different? i also take antidepressants and find that it does that to me. i'm not sure if they really even help me or not - i've stopped taking them for a period, convinced that whatever i was dealing with, id have to do it myself mentally (still feel this way). i ended up back on them anyway it's different for everyone, maybe you need to try a different medication?

all that aside, i believe your ideas are worth something. being passionate about something you love is a beautiful thing. if you are able, i'd say focus on that as much as you can! there may be stuff getting the way, it's inevitable, but what YOU want to do is the most important thing.

i honestly feel like i am in no place to talk but i read your story and i really wanted to say something. you are not alone. i feel like there will be more to your story - for the better. :)
at the end of the day, you are in control.

no matter what road you take, i wish you peace and a successful life

 

[whoami?]

i just want to say that i relate to you. i may not have experienced some things you've gone through but i can definitely understand the way you feel. its sucks being pressured or pushed into stuff you have no interest in doing. all you really cant do is try, or find the route that is most comfortable with you. there are always options out there.

do you think it is the medication making your brain feel foggy/different? i also take antidepressants and find that it does that to me. i'm not sure if they really even help me or not - i've stopped taking them for a period, convinced that whatever i was dealing with, id have to do it myself mentally (still feel this way). i ended up back on them anyway it's different for everyone, maybe you need to try a different medication?

all that aside, i believe your ideas are worth something. being passionate about something you love is a beautiful thing. if you are able, i'd say focus on that as much as you can! there may be stuff getting the way, it's inevitable, but what YOU want to do is the most important thing.

i honestly feel like i am in no place to talk but i read your story and i really wanted to say something. you are not alone. i feel like there will be more to your story - for the better. :)
at the end of the day, you are in control.

no matter what road you take, i wish you peace and a successful life

Hey, really thanks for saying something made me feel better. The foggyness and pain in my head is there doesn't matter if I take medicines or not. But thanks for the support and maybe just maybe there is still a bit of hope left. Thanks for taking your time to show me som love much appreciated ❤

I'm sorry that your dreams have been rushed by this cruel world~ :( I wish you the best even in spite of that and will pray for you~ >_< I know that it's really hard to give up on something you really love but perhaps, you can try a football rec league and continue from there while working some other job~ :) Perhaps you can work your way up find a new passion and dream~ :) after all, becoming a professional sports player is very difficult, and they are much fewer in number than the amount of those who wish to be them! >_<


I can't and won't diagnose anything, but is it frequent? Like Tinnitus?

Hey, I really appreciate you saying something at least I feel somewhat relevant lol. Yeah, it is tinnitus and the ringing won't stop in my ears no matter what. But thanks for the kind words. Rlly appreciated ❤