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VampQueen
Ace of Hearts
- Feb 6, 2024
- 119
Currently working on my suicide note. I wrote it months ago when i planned to ctb with Ontwon. Im ready to go but not. Idk why this is s hard and conflicting. Why cant it be easy. I can barley even see the keybaored and screen as my eyes are filled with tears, blurring my vision. I just need it to be quick and painless and like i just fell asleep. no, not even that, like i never exsisted.
am i stupid?!!!! I NEED TO DIE BUT MY BODY WONT ELT ME!!!!!
fuck, i think i may be having a mental breakdown
My note:
I'm sorry it had to end this way, but I couldn't bare the pain anymore. Everyday feels the same. Life to me is a miserable, endless, monotonous cycle. It is my time to go. Although I've burned all my bridges, if there is an afterlife, I'd like to rebuild them. On the note of me being a miracle baby, I don't understand it. Why would God give birth to me just to die? I defied him and then I got punished for wanting to live. I get punished for wanting to be a normal human being, it's not fair. I love you all, I truly do. I just wish life had treated us all better.
You guys are my best friends and I really do love y'all from the base to the apex of my heart. Through the ups and downs, I'll never forget our shared memories and experiences. I must move on
I'm sorry that we never got along. I felt that everyone was stuck in their ways and I wanted to change. I wanted to break the habit of just smoking and drinking. I also think that y'all can't handle anger well, I hate being around yall when y'all are angry, not something I feel comfortable with. I wish we all got along better and had more in common, I know I'm the odd one of us 4. Please love each other and take care of yourselves.
I love yall both. I wish I had more time with both of y'all. Please take care of yourselves and the rest of my siblings. Maybe my death will keep everyone closer together. I was the glue that held the family together, now it's your turn to fill in the gaps. Please take care of yourselves and take time to grief, I know losing a kid isn't easy, be kind to yourselves, it's not anyone's fault. I love you both
Please take care of Me-Mow for me. If you cannot take care of him then please surrender him to a shelter, he deserves a good life. The password to my phone is @&^#. Most of my passwords should be in a Google doc on the google doc app. Please feel free to go through my phone and tablet, maybe I'll give you insight on the real me. @(*&^ can have my laptop and any other electronics besides the tablet, mom can have the tablet. Mom can have my peep plush, her name is Artemis, named after the Greek goddess. Please take care of her. If I still have my Inuyasha funko pops (toys), )!(@#&^^ can have them. They won't have any meaning to him but they have meaning to me. Inuyasha was my favorite show and I watched it all the time when I was depressed. I really identify with Inuyasha, the character. #(*^! and mom can fight to have my blanket. Mom can have my photo album, book, and whatever else I've missed out in this note.
am i stupid?!!!! I NEED TO DIE BUT MY BODY WONT ELT ME!!!!!
fuck, i think i may be having a mental breakdown
My note:
To my family:
I'm sorry it had to end this way, but I couldn't bare the pain anymore. Everyday feels the same. Life to me is a miserable, endless, monotonous cycle. It is my time to go. Although I've burned all my bridges, if there is an afterlife, I'd like to rebuild them. On the note of me being a miracle baby, I don't understand it. Why would God give birth to me just to die? I defied him and then I got punished for wanting to live. I get punished for wanting to be a normal human being, it's not fair. I love you all, I truly do. I just wish life had treated us all better.
To Cousins:
You guys are my best friends and I really do love y'all from the base to the apex of my heart. Through the ups and downs, I'll never forget our shared memories and experiences. I must move on
To Siblingsk:
I'm sorry that we never got along. I felt that everyone was stuck in their ways and I wanted to change. I wanted to break the habit of just smoking and drinking. I also think that y'all can't handle anger well, I hate being around yall when y'all are angry, not something I feel comfortable with. I wish we all got along better and had more in common, I know I'm the odd one of us 4. Please love each other and take care of yourselves.
To Mom and Dad:
I love yall both. I wish I had more time with both of y'all. Please take care of yourselves and the rest of my siblings. Maybe my death will keep everyone closer together. I was the glue that held the family together, now it's your turn to fill in the gaps. Please take care of yourselves and take time to grief, I know losing a kid isn't easy, be kind to yourselves, it's not anyone's fault. I love you both
About my stuff:
Please take care of Me-Mow for me. If you cannot take care of him then please surrender him to a shelter, he deserves a good life. The password to my phone is @&^#. Most of my passwords should be in a Google doc on the google doc app. Please feel free to go through my phone and tablet, maybe I'll give you insight on the real me. @(*&^ can have my laptop and any other electronics besides the tablet, mom can have the tablet. Mom can have my peep plush, her name is Artemis, named after the Greek goddess. Please take care of her. If I still have my Inuyasha funko pops (toys), )!(@#&^^ can have them. They won't have any meaning to him but they have meaning to me. Inuyasha was my favorite show and I watched it all the time when I was depressed. I really identify with Inuyasha, the character. #(*^! and mom can fight to have my blanket. Mom can have my photo album, book, and whatever else I've missed out in this note.
This is my OFFICIAL WILL, please respect it to the best of your ability.
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