Venting I’m ready to die and my body and mind have given up but I still can’t get over survival instinct

[Araya]

I'm living like I'm going to die but every time I plan to do it my SI is too strong. How am I meant to seem normal when I don't care about anything cause I think I'm going to die, given up on work and friends and family but still can't get the strength to do it. I hate who I am but I don't have the energy to change, I hate life and society, but I also can't kill myself. How do people get the courage? I'm depressed and anxious as fuck, I wanna escape myself and my head but it feels like I'm being forced to stay here to suffer by my own mind.

 

[JonL666]

It's like being trapped with yourself it's okay for everyone else they can leave you, but how do you escape yourself, I struggle with this often

 

[RedEther]

The one thing I can advise is to do everything possible no matter how hard before commiting to the choice to ctB. You will ether find a better life, or know that you truly tried everything and posible, and riding with no regrets.

 

[Chiisai]

I'm living like I'm going to die but every time I plan to do it my SI is too strong. How am I meant to seem normal when I don't care about anything cause I think I'm going to die, given up on work and friends and family but still can't get the strength to do it. I hate who I am but I don't have the energy to change, I hate life and society, but I also can't kill myself. How do people get the courage? I'm depressed and anxious as fuck, I wanna escape myself and my head but it feels like I'm being forced to stay here to suffer by my own mind.

From your writing, I believe what you're experiencing must be very hard on you right now. I feel you for I am the same. I have my method prepared just right by my bedside but I have been just staring at it for weeks. My mind is stopping me from touching it. I want to so much but I am in fear of the pain. Just like yours, SI is making it difficult for me. I understand your struggle. You are not alone in this.
Maybe it takes time until there's a day where we finally get the strength to push through our plans.

 

[ClownMe]

I feel your pain. I've given up on life but im staying alive until my dog passes away, it's extremely painful.

 

[RedEther]

From your writing, I believe what you're experiencing must be very hard on you right now. I feel you for I am the same. I have my method prepared just right by my bedside but I have been just staring at it for weeks. My mind is stopping me from touching it. I want to so much but I am in fear of the pain. Just like yours, SI is making it difficult for me. I understand your struggle. You are not alone in this.
Maybe it takes time until there's a day where we finally get the strength to push through our plans.

I recommend the same thing. Go out and try all the things youv always wanted to do but the only thing holding you back where you.. Like that meal you always wanted to try or class wanted to take Things you thought might help like losing weight, or building muscle (whatevers obtainableband fits your personal serenstance.). Youll there find a reason to keep going even for a bit longer, or satisfaction of having no regrets

ie. Iv taken every advantage and applied for every government disability help i could find as well as pushing for my dreams (achieving some of it) and im more free to go than i was a few years ago

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it is hard to let go of life. We may want to die but it is difficult because we are programmed to survive. I think in my case, I believe I will reach a point of desperation and hopelessness and I cannot think past the suicidal thoughts. I think at that point I will be able to leave this world. I'm sorry you are suffering, I hope you can find the peace you are looking for.

 

[TobyPadres]

I feel the same, wanting to be dead and actually carrying it out yourself are very different feelings. I am and have been wanting out if this world for quite a while now, its beleived I came close when i took a rather large quietpine overdose, but SI must of kicked in as although i dont remember, i called emergency services. Some might say it was a cry out for help instead of an actual CTB action but im not sure. Another time I was hyper ventilating so much tbh I was scared, scared that something was going wrong or it was going to be very stressful and not peaceful at all, i ended up calling emergency services again. As much as I am rational about it and I feel like ive decided over some time now this is the right decision and what I want, SI or fear always gets the better of me, im thinking my next attempt i must get rid of my sim card, idk

 

[pramavoid]

I feel you. I'm trying to get past the nerves of doing it myself but as everyone has uniform agreed I won't do it I have everything ready but I'm struggling with that SI/fear of doing it myself
I'm going to see if some swigs of alcohol help calm the nerves

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

Survival instinct is almost impossible to overcome. People who say suicide victims are weak or cowardly are so deep in their ego they will never break out. This is a big reason why we aren't understood, treated as a physical risk rather than a human being who needs help. While i support the right to end ones life philosophically, it pains me to see how many people could be helped isolated even further when they ask for it. The human psyche is a complicated thing. Even some of the most understanding people will recoil at the idea of someone close to them idealizing suicide. I have love in my heart for everyone, and i believe almost every human does. Were just too easy to fool, too easy to misguide. And the one's misguiding aren't even conscious of the fact that they are. Strange world we live in.