Im ready. I need help

[pigtime420]

Ive struggled with mental illness for the past decade. It just gets worse and worse every year. 2022 was probably the most traumatic year Ive ever had and life still fucking sucks.

I grew up in a situation where my parents, brother and i lived in a basement while my uncle and nonna lived upstairs. My uncle was an alcoholic with schizophrenia and he would take his anger out on my father and i specifically. He molested me when i was 7.

In 2013, i started cutting myself. I was also in a relationship with a boy when i started high school that year who sexually abused me. Cutting has been my go-to coping mechanism since then and i have so many scars all over me. I dropped out and am still working on getting my HS diploma to this day which has been hard because i lose motivation to continue and end up dropping out

I was in a relationship with someone for 8 years. I thought he loved me until he started hitting me, verbally abusing me, withdrawing affection as punishment and even sexually assaulting me And then in 2022, i fell deeply inlove with someone who didnt love me back and used me for my body. From there, my relationship with him became codependent and toxic and its still like this to this day.

That year i spent most of it self destructing. I barely ate and got to 95 pounds at one point. I became addicted to edibles and spent almost all of last summer crossfaded. I had moments of psychosis where i would just wander the streets of my city, freaking the fuck out.I was sent to a mental health facility for a month which did not help as i would go home on the weekends and relapse on my cutting and drugs, meeting up with the guy to fuck him. It never helped

Ive tried therapy, ive tried medication, ive tried being put away for awhile, ive tried harm reduction but i havent gotten better. I have no hope. I have come to the conclusion that i am this unlovable, disgusting woman who's only worth is my body. I dont think i will ever find someone who loves me for who i am. I have destroyed my body. It is so skinny, and pale and covered in these disgusting fucking scars. Im not beautiful. I am a disgusting woman.

I have no hope for women. Violence against women is still so prevalent despite the #MeTooMovement. The new surge of misogynistic content on the internet is terrifying to me. The justice system is an absolute joke for survivors and i dont think it will ever get better.

If i could leave this city and move to a small town with my family so i could start fresh, i would absolutely stay here and recover and become someone i want to be, but i know that wont happen. So i need to leave. Ill be 25 in February and its so embarassing to be a 25 year old cutter with no self worth

I have decided to hang myself tonight. I wrote letters to my friends and family and i have sealed them each in hot pink envelopes. After my friend leaves tonight i will do it. The problem is that i do not want to do it in my house because the thought of my family finding me breaks my heart. I am also too scared to do it in public because im worried that pictures will be taken of me and they will end up somewhere for people to mock or sexualize my body. I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated

 

[ipmanwc0]

Maybe in a hotel room? Good luck may you find peace

 

[Lost_my_soul]

Really sorry, I agree relations do make you weak, I hope you find peace if you choose to do it

 

[qw3rty259]

I would recommend you to find some forest area if possible. You can send a location to somebody via a postponed message, so the cops could find your body until some vandals find it first. But remember, as soon as you're dead, you will not give a fuck about your body anymore, regardless of what will happen to it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. Do you plan full or partial hanging? I hope you find peace.

 

[pigtime420]

I would recommend you to find some forest area if possible. You can send a location to somebody via a postponed message, so the cops could find your body until some vandals find it first. But remember, as soon as you're dead, you will not give a fuck about your body anymore, regardless of what will happen to it.

Your idea is probably what im going to do. Thank you. My only reasoning for caring about people taking pictures is that i dont want my loved ones to see some people mocking me or some deranged necrophile talking about wanting to fuck my corpse. Its terrifying to think about

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. Do you plan full or partial hanging? I hope you find peace.

Im thinking partial hanging. I dont think i could do full hanging

 

[avaruus]

I'm sorry for your situation :(

Your idea is probably what im going to do. Thank you. My only reasoning for caring about people taking pictures is that i dont want my loved ones to see some people mocking me or some deranged necrophile talking about wanting to fuck my corpse. Its terrifying to think about

Im thinking partial hanging. I dont think i could do full hanging

Do you already have a rope?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Im thinking partial hanging. I dont think i could do full hanging

This could be of interest for you if you are planning partial.

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

I have decided to hang myself tonight. I wrote letters to my friends and family and i have sealed them each in hot pink envelopes. After my friend leaves tonight i will do it. The problem is that i do not want to do it in my house because the thought of my family finding me breaks my heart. I am also too scared to do it in public because im worried that pictures will be taken of me and they will end up somewhere for people to mock or sexualize my body. I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated

Reading this again, are you sure this isn't an impulsive act? Did you prepare and plan everything well?

 

[flowers in the mist]

I think the odds of some creep finding your body is quite low and you shouldn't worry that much about that.. But that's just a guess from me.
I don't really have any good advice but I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. It sucks reading what you've gone through..

 

[carac]

I am sure you have gone through all these before and tried all channels but if you change your mind or fail your attempt are there any support groups for women such as yourself that you can contact for help?

 

[pigtime420]

I'm sorry for your situation :(


Do you already have a rope?

I do. We have alot of it downstairs for some reason

This could be of interest for you if you are planning partial.

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

Reading this again, are you sure this isn't an impulsive act? Did you prepare and plan everything well?

Its not impulsive. Ive been planning this for awhile I've just never had the date set. I knew that when the time eventually came, i would hang myself and i would most likely do it in a forest near my house

I am sure you have gone through all these before and tried all channels but if you change your mind or fail your attempt are there any support groups for women such as yourself that you can contact for help?

I was actually in a support group for female CSA survivors from the beginning of April of this year to august 1st. It helped a bit in terms of understanding where my trauma comes from and how it affects my life and relationships. However, it didnt help with my fear of men and unstable sense of self which i think is what has been impacting me for a long time

 

[avaruus]

I do. We have alot of it downstairs for some reason

Its not impulsive. Ive been planning this for awhile I've just never had the date set. I knew that when the time eventually came, i would hang myself and i would most likely do it in a forest near my house

I was actually in a support group for female CSA survivors from the beginning of April of this year to august 1st. It helped a bit in terms of understanding where my trauma comes from and how it affects my life and relationships. However, it didnt help with my fear of men and unstable sense of self which i think is what has been impacting me for a long time

Make sure the rope doesn't snap.
I hope you find peace.
good luck! :)

 

[bepop:$$]

Ive struggled with mental illness for the past decade. It just gets worse and worse every year. 2022 was probably the most traumatic year Ive ever had and life still fucking sucks.

I grew up in a situation where my parents, brother and i lived in a basement while my uncle and nonna lived upstairs. My uncle was an alcoholic with schizophrenia and he would take his anger out on my father and i specifically. He molested me when i was 7.

In 2013, i started cutting myself. I was also in a relationship with a boy when i started high school that year who sexually abused me. Cutting has been my go-to coping mechanism since then and i have so many scars all over me. I dropped out and am still working on getting my HS diploma to this day which has been hard because i lose motivation to continue and end up dropping out

I was in a relationship with someone for 8 years. I thought he loved me until he started hitting me, verbally abusing me, withdrawing affection as punishment and even sexually assaulting me And then in 2022, i fell deeply inlove with someone who didnt love me back and used me for my body. From there, my relationship with him became codependent and toxic and its still like this to this day.

That year i spent most of it self destructing. I barely ate and got to 95 pounds at one point. I became addicted to edibles and spent almost all of last summer crossfaded. I had moments of psychosis where i would just wander the streets of my city, freaking the fuck out.I was sent to a mental health facility for a month which did not help as i would go home on the weekends and relapse on my cutting and drugs, meeting up with the guy to fuck him. It never helped

Ive tried therapy, ive tried medication, ive tried being put away for awhile, ive tried harm reduction but i havent gotten better. I have no hope. I have come to the conclusion that i am this unlovable, disgusting woman who's only worth is my body. I dont think i will ever find someone who loves me for who i am. I have destroyed my body. It is so skinny, and pale and covered in these disgusting fucking scars. Im not beautiful. I am a disgusting woman.

I have no hope for women. Violence against women is still so prevalent despite the #MeTooMovement. The new surge of misogynistic content on the internet is terrifying to me. The justice system is an absolute joke for survivors and i dont think it will ever get better.

If i could leave this city and move to a small town with my family so i could start fresh, i would absolutely stay here and recover and become someone i want to be, but i know that wont happen. So i need to leave. Ill be 25 in February and its so embarassing to be a 25 year old cutter with no self worth

I have decided to hang myself tonight. I wrote letters to my friends and family and i have sealed them each in hot pink envelopes. After my friend leaves tonight i will do it. The problem is that i do not want to do it in my house because the thought of my family finding me breaks my heart. I am also too scared to do it in public because im worried that pictures will be taken of me and they will end up somewhere for people to mock or sexualize my body. I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated

I am so so sorry that you have been treated like this. You sound like such a sweet soul who was taken advantage of. I hope you find peace

 

[Next]

I have seen you do have 3 post only. Partial is a little bit tricky. Maybe it is not a bad idear, to make a detailled plan and get more infornation.

 

[wontachievehappines]

Ive struggled with mental illness for the past decade. It just gets worse and worse every year. 2022 was probably the most traumatic year Ive ever had and life still fucking sucks.

I grew up in a situation where my parents, brother and i lived in a basement while my uncle and nonna lived upstairs. My uncle was an alcoholic with schizophrenia and he would take his anger out on my father and i specifically. He molested me when i was 7.

In 2013, i started cutting myself. I was also in a relationship with a boy when i started high school that year who sexually abused me. Cutting has been my go-to coping mechanism since then and i have so many scars all over me. I dropped out and am still working on getting my HS diploma to this day which has been hard because i lose motivation to continue and end up dropping out

I was in a relationship with someone for 8 years. I thought he loved me until he started hitting me, verbally abusing me, withdrawing affection as punishment and even sexually assaulting me And then in 2022, i fell deeply inlove with someone who didnt love me back and used me for my body. From there, my relationship with him became codependent and toxic and its still like this to this day.

That year i spent most of it self destructing. I barely ate and got to 95 pounds at one point. I became addicted to edibles and spent almost all of last summer crossfaded. I had moments of psychosis where i would just wander the streets of my city, freaking the fuck out.I was sent to a mental health facility for a month which did not help as i would go home on the weekends and relapse on my cutting and drugs, meeting up with the guy to fuck him. It never helped

Ive tried therapy, ive tried medication, ive tried being put away for awhile, ive tried harm reduction but i havent gotten better. I have no hope. I have come to the conclusion that i am this unlovable, disgusting woman who's only worth is my body. I dont think i will ever find someone who loves me for who i am. I have destroyed my body. It is so skinny, and pale and covered in these disgusting fucking scars. Im not beautiful. I am a disgusting woman.

I have no hope for women. Violence against women is still so prevalent despite the #MeTooMovement. The new surge of misogynistic content on the internet is terrifying to me. The justice system is an absolute joke for survivors and i dont think it will ever get better.

If i could leave this city and move to a small town with my family so i could start fresh, i would absolutely stay here and recover and become someone i want to be, but i know that wont happen. So i need to leave. Ill be 25 in February and its so embarassing to be a 25 year old cutter with no self worth

I have decided to hang myself tonight. I wrote letters to my friends and family and i have sealed them each in hot pink envelopes. After my friend leaves tonight i will do it. The problem is that i do not want to do it in my house because the thought of my family finding me breaks my heart. I am also too scared to do it in public because im worried that pictures will be taken of me and they will end up somewhere for people to mock or sexualize my body. I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated

I completely relate to what you're feeling and what you have gone through. I'm 21F and I have nothing to show for it. :( I wish you the best of luck though