I'm ready. But my cat is keeping me here.

[WhenTheSunHits95]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

I have been chronically suicidal for over a decade and have survived 2 attempts. The last few months have been the most pain I have ever felt. Nothing brings me joy, every day is the same. Work, get off work, go to the bar, try to distract myself, waste money on alcohol for strangers hoping to make connections, fail, go home, sleep, repeat. Now, it'd be silly to say that I AM alone, because i'm not. I'm very loved by the few people I trust in my life. Namely my mother, and 3 best friends. Unfortunately, as i'm sure a lot of us can relate to, generally when I muster up the bravery to talk about wanting to ctb, it's typically met with something like "same girl" or "sorry I can't be there for you in that way right now." They love me, they do what they can, but this has been such a isolating experience. Hence why i'm here.

I digress... I have accepted I am ready to ctb. I have not told anyone in my personal life and I will not. If they find this account somehow, then HELLO. I am ready, i've been writing my note, it will be long as I have much I want to say. But my cat... my cat is all I have. He is the only living thing I can rely on for comfort and company. He even does this cute thing where he sits in my lap anytime I'm at my desk. I'm his mama and every day I'm grateful that he came into my life. Grateful to my ex for paying the adoption fee haha. I want to put him into the care of someone I trust before I do it but I worry it'd be a red flag. I also dont want to wait until after I do it, such as signing over his care to someone within my note. But then I think, what if I'm not found for a while and no ones there to feed him? He'd be so confused and sad. I'm not sure what to do.

Attached is a photo of him just because he's so cute and I want to maybe make yall smile. Looking forward to hanging out here and meeting some of you.

<3

 

[strawberry_lemons]

i understand my cat is my main reason for not ctb, hes such a sweetheart and hes really the thing most affected by my death

heres a photo of mine as well

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

i understand my cat is my main reason for not ctb, hes such a sweetheart and hes really the thing most affected by my death

heres a photo of mine as well
View attachment 119306

what a cutie <3 i hope in some way our animal companions can understand and forgive us

 

[Stormy Raine]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

I have been chronically suicidal for over a decade and have survived 2 attempts. The last few months have been the most pain I have ever felt. Nothing brings me joy, every day is the same. Work, get off work, go to the bar, try to distract myself, waste money on alcohol for strangers hoping to make connections, fail, go home, sleep, repeat. Now, it'd be silly to say that I AM alone, because i'm not. I'm very loved by the few people I trust in my life. Namely my mother, and 3 best friends. Unfortunately, as i'm sure a lot of us can relate to, generally when I muster up the bravery to talk about wanting to ctb, it's typically met with something like "same girl" or "sorry I can't be there for you in that way right now." They love me, they do what they can, but this has been such a isolating experience. Hence why i'm here.

I digress... I have accepted I am ready to ctb. I have not told anyone in my personal life and I will not. If they find this account somehow, then HELLO. I am ready, i've been writing my note, it will be long as I have much I want to say. But my cat... my cat is all I have. He is the only living thing I can rely on for comfort and company. He even does this cute thing where he sits in my lap anytime I'm at my desk. I'm his mama and every day I'm grateful that he came into my life. Grateful to my ex for paying the adoption fee haha. I want to put him into the care of someone I trust before I do it but I worry it'd be a red flag. I also dont want to wait until after I do it, such as signing over his care to someone within my note. But then I think, what if I'm not found for a while and no ones there to feed him? He'd be so confused and sad. I'm not sure what to do.

Attached is a photo of him just because he's so cute and I want to maybe make yall smile. Looking forward to hanging out here and meeting some of you.

<3

He's a cutie, what's his name? Cats are wonderful pets and so easy to love

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

He's a cutie, what's his name? Cats are wonderful pets and so easy to love

his name is gabagool haha, big sopranos fan and it just seemed to fit him. and i agree <3 he's the only thing thats ever shown me unconditional love

 

[Stormy Raine]

What a name lol. Well long as you have your cat you are safe. I gave my kittens away so I could ctb but I'm still here

 

[Nothere01]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

I have been chronically suicidal for over a decade and have survived 2 attempts. The last few months have been the most pain I have ever felt. Nothing brings me joy, every day is the same. Work, get off work, go to the bar, try to distract myself, waste money on alcohol for strangers hoping to make connections, fail, go home, sleep, repeat. Now, it'd be silly to say that I AM alone, because i'm not. I'm very loved by the few people I trust in my life. Namely my mother, and 3 best friends. Unfortunately, as i'm sure a lot of us can relate to, generally when I muster up the bravery to talk about wanting to ctb, it's typically met with something like "same girl" or "sorry I can't be there for you in that way right now." They love me, they do what they can, but this has been such a isolating experience. Hence why i'm here.

I digress... I have accepted I am ready to ctb. I have not told anyone in my personal life and I will not. If they find this account somehow, then HELLO. I am ready, i've been writing my note, it will be long as I have much I want to say. But my cat... my cat is all I have. He is the only living thing I can rely on for comfort and company. He even does this cute thing where he sits in my lap anytime I'm at my desk. I'm his mama and every day I'm grateful that he came into my life. Grateful to my ex for paying the adoption fee haha. I want to put him into the care of someone I trust before I do it but I worry it'd be a red flag. I also dont want to wait until after I do it, such as signing over his care to someone within my note. But then I think, what if I'm not found for a while and no ones there to feed him? He'd be so confused and sad. I'm not sure what to do.

Attached is a photo of him just because he's so cute and I want to maybe make yall smile. Looking forward to hanging out here and meeting some of you.

<3

This may sound cruel but it would be the right thing to do actually, you should take him to an animal hospital and euthanize him, tell the vet that your cat has cancer and is suffering too much, the process of death for your cat will be very very quick, it's almost instant death, your cat will not suffer, all animals go to paradise/heaven when they die because they're without sin and that is where they belong, they do not belong in this cruel miserable horrible world. I have a friend that killed herself and when she died she said she saw her dogs in heaven running to her to greet her and to welcome her to heaven, she even met jesus christ. That is how i know for sure that all animals go to heaven, my friend is alive now because the paramedics revived her but she fully remembers her dogs that passed away in heaven very happy. Heaven is where all animals belong.

 

[tora]

I'm going thru the same thing, I'm ready to die but then I look at my dog and my heart breaks thinking about the day I'll have to say goodbye to him for the last time. I feel like no one will take care of him and love him the way I do :(

 

[polka slide]

awww your cat is so cute <33 black cats are so pretty

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

im in the same boat omg
in my note i included a very long part about my cats and what they need and what i want their life to be like and how i want whoever gets them afterward to treat them

the younger one i have is very precious and believes im her mother, like actually

sometimes i wish i never got them because they're so attached to me and now i'm just going to leave :(

my kitties :3View attachment 119310
View attachment 119311

aww they're gorgeous!! i definitely empathize with how you feel. I got my baby as a therapy cat, and he definitely does his job... but i also sometimes wish i never got him so i could just go

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

the cats don't know this world is cruel and horrible! let them live! i think op should just make it clear what should happen with the cats. they deserve to have a plentiful happy life

I have in my note assuring people that he will be taken care of, and he will be put in the care of someone i trust. luckily i have life inscurance through my job so he will be very very well taken care of. possibly better than i could have ever done

 

[tpboy]