I'm reaching for silver linings in suicide, but...

[falloutcarter13]

I just remembered something. After my mom died two years ago, my grandma bought the burial plot next to my mom for me. They aren't rich by any means, and she just dropped $6000 on a hole in the ground with my name on it like nothing. I think, at least subconsciously, she always knew she'd be the one to bury me. Is it totally fucked up to think of my ctb as giving her a return on her investment?

 

[Werewolf]

Without knowing a thing about you I'd say yes it's a pretty strange way of looking at it. I imagine her investment, so to speak, is for her own peace of mind, did she not also secure a spot for herself beside yours?
And 6k for a burial plot? Wow. That's indeed a lot of money for some dirt.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I just remembered something. After my mom died two years ago, my grandma bought the burial plot next to my mom for me. They aren't rich by any means, and she just dropped $6000 on a hole in the ground with my name on it like nothing. I think, at least subconsciously, she always knew she'd be the one to bury me. Is it totally fucked up to think of my ctb as giving her a return on her investment?

It is strange that she spent that much money on something that was theoretically only supposed to happen in, like, 30 years or so.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Without knowing a thing about you I'd say yes it's a pretty strange way of looking at it. I imagine her investment, so to speak, is for her own peace of mind, did she not also secure a spot for herself beside yours?
And 6k for a burial plot? Wow. That's indeed a lot of money for some dirt.

Lol nah she didn't get herself one, afaik...she's got a really weird, subconscious fascination with death. She's always scanning the obits, and if she had any sort of random connection with the deceased, she is *at* that funeral. She farms sympathy about death like fuckin Old Macdonald, and on some deep subconscious level I think she actually enjoys it. I'm not just saying that stuff to make myself feel better, she's been like this my whole life.

 

[Werewolf]

Lol nah she didn't get herself one, afaik...she's got a really weird, subconscious fascination with death. She's always scanning the obits, and if she had any sort of random connection with the deceased, she is *at* that funeral. She farms sympathy about death like fuckin Old Macdonald, and on some deep subconscious level I think she actually enjoys it. I'm not just saying that stuff to make myself feel better, she's been like this my whole life.

I recognize that behavior from my own elders. I don't think it's enjoyment as much as acceptance and a way to handle the concept of death. For healthy people not in the business of taking bus rides age is the limiting factor so to speak, and when friends and family start... declining. Well then the insight of ones own mortality becomes quite palpable.