I'm probably transexual, but it's too late to do anything anyway.

[OOUUneverover]

I probably am, but I was on a stupid SSRI for most of my childhood that completely numbed my feelings. When I finally got off, I was able to see myself for who I really am. It was not good.
I hate my bones. I hate my fat distribution. I hate my hairline shape. I hate my genitals, the only reason I can tolerate them is because I don't ever have to look at it. I don't hate body hair (obv it's natural for everyone) but I hate having SO MUCH of it. but what I really hate the most is fat distribution. Even when I was on the medication I wanted to take a knife to my fat reserves just so I could feel less disgusting. I hate how it's all in my upper body. Even if I was super thin it wouldn't make a difference, it's all in the wrong places.
There's no point in trying to do anything about it. I'll kill myself soon, and then I'll have nothing to feel or worry about.
I feel if my life had branched a differently when I was younger then I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm a horrible person. I'll never be able to live with myself.
I'll ctb in a couple years at most. Sooner if things go well.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Do you have pronouns you prefer?

 

[OOUUneverover]

Do you have pronouns you prefer?

I don't really care anymore. They I guess, I kind of think it's transsex nonbinary..
It doesn't really matter anyway. I'll never have a chance to do any type of surgery or whatever. I wouldn't want it anyway. All I want now is to sleep forever. And drink some water. I'm really thirsty right now.

 

[valleyofthedolls]

I'm sorry it sucks. But you could try out estrogen and see if it makes you feel any better. You can buy it online with Bitcoin

 

[Chemi]

It's never too late to transition. I have known 60-year-olds who just started to transition in LGBT support groups. While yes, it is way harder for them to pass physically, especially in the beginning, transitioning was a gigantic boost for their mental health. Finally accepting yourself for who you are and not having to hide such a core part of your personality anymore can go a long, long way. Just try out new pronouns, go online shopping for some new clothes, create a new online identity as your preferred gender, go to LGBT groups, and be honest that you aren't sure who you are, and if they can help you figure some stuff out. They are usually always very nice. In general, just try tiptoeing the whole topic a little and see what feels good or not.

(Btw, laser hair removal can take care of the hair problem within a couple months)

HRT Cafe

HRTCafe.net, formerly DIYHRT.Cafe, is a website created to provide information for how to safely obtain DIY HRT for trans people who cannot access it via traditional means.

hrtcafe.net

 

[OOUUneverover]

It's never too late to transition. I have known 60-year-olds who just started to transition in LGBT support groups. While yes, it is way harder for them to pass physically, especially in the beginning, transitioning was a gigantic boost for their mental health. Finally accepting yourself for who you are and not having to hide such a core part of your personality anymore can go a long, long way. Just try out new pronouns, go online shopping for some new clothes, create a new online identity as your preferred gender, go to LGBT groups, and be honest that you aren't sure who you are, and if they can help you figure some stuff out. They are usually always very nice. In general, just try tiptoeing the whole topic a little and see what feels good or not.

(Btw, laser hair removal can take care of the hair problem within a couple months)

HRT Cafe

HRTCafe.net, formerly DIYHRT.Cafe, is a website created to provide information for how to safely obtain DIY HRT for trans people who cannot access it via traditional means.

hrtcafe.net

I'd do diy, but even If I didn't have any dysphoria I would still ctb. There are far too many other things wrong with me and the world. But thank you for the help anyways.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I've tried so many times to ctb... because it felt like there was never a way out of the mess that was my body and my head. I started HRT over two years ago, and it didn't magically fix everything, but it cracked something open ...like for the first time I could breathe in my own skin, even a just a little.
I still have bad days, really bad ones.... I still look in the mirror and see things I wish I could carve out.
I'm not going to tell you to "just hang in there." because that's useless. But if there's even a sliver of you that wants to see who you could become ...that's worth at least trying. You're not disgusting. And that being this way doesn't make you weak, it makes you painfully, beautifully human.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I'd do diy, but even If I didn't have any dysphoria I would still ctb. There are far too many other things wrong with me and the world. But thank you for the help anyways.

Even if it's not medically, you might as well explore your identity, right? I mean if you're going to CTB, not much to lose. Personally even if I do CTB, I'm glad I was able to finally figure out my gender.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Even if it's not medically, you might as well explore your identity, right? I mean if you're going to CTB, not much to lose.

This is exactly what I was about to say. I agree.

I'm sorry you're suffering this way. Gender dysphoria absolutely sucks and can make you feel so trapped. I do hope though that you do think about discovering and accepting your identity before you chose, or not, to pass away. Good luck.