Venting I'm planning on OD'ing on a speedball today.

[AngelTears]

I'm supposed to be meeting 2 clients today and I'll be getting around $200. Hopefully half of that will be enough to cause an overdose. I'm planning on leaving the other half of the money and all my possessions and copyrights to my gf.

I've gone through morre than $100 of dope before in a day and stayed up like nothing, but today im going to do it in the shortest span I can.

Hopefully I don't wake up this time.

I also hope they actually give the things I leave behind to my girlfriend.

She's the only reason II been here for so long and am still...

I feel like a piece of shit knowing how bad she'll feel when she finds out..

I just know she'll be better off without me, even if it hurts in the beginning.

Wish me luck please.

 

[Aries]

Are you alone at home?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I wish you luck, of course, but for those of us who don't know (me, maybe I've been sheltered), what's a speedball?

 

[Aries]

I overdosed when nobody was there and the next minute i was surrounded by people forcing me to eat......I was cold and my hands couldn't unfold.......and....I slept through the whole Monday........ So sad. I had died if they had let me
But all in all I wish you a safe trip......I just can't get over the feeling of absolute unconsciousness when everything was happening. I was pale, unresponsive.. ...hhhh. That would be my way to go next time
But the words of my brother break my heart. He told me he'd hang himself if I died.... I just don't know what to do
I just think I should go on. For him. Our Mother died. We are the only siblings here.....I just don't know what else to do

 

[dogtired]

If you survive I'd be interested to know what it felt like - I've only done a speedball once and wasn't a fan so can't imagine that taking an OD level of both would be pleasant - wouldn't the upper keep you awake? When I go I'm doing it on heroin alone bc I want be blissfully unconscious when I die. Not to discourage you, just sharing thoughts. Good luck

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[AngelTears]

I wish you luck, of course, but for those of us who don't know (me, maybe I've been sheltered), what's a speedball?

Heroin + Cocaine. Usually injected

If you survive I'd be interested to know what it felt like - I've only done a speedball once and wasn't a fan so can't imagine that taking an OD level of both would be pleasant - wouldn't the upper keep you awake? When I go I'm doing it on heroin alone bc I want be blissfully unconscious when I die. Not to discourage you, just sharing thoughts. Good luck

Speedballs tbh are the only thing keeping me alive. I always hated cocaine untill I shot it up with heroin. Then I felt true happiness for the second time in my life.

I'm so pissed off rn bc looks like I been left hanging. Not only will I have to wait another day or 2 to do this, but I also have to go through withdrawals.


:/

Are you alone at home?

No, I was out at my psychiatric appointment. I always am alone for enough time a couple of times a day that if I OD they wont be able to bring me back. Thats my main concern cause there's so much narcan in my house. But nobody has ever thrown my door down when I don't respond. I've also never been brought back with narcan from an OD. I've woken up cold with vomit all over my mouth and inside my nose a couple of times, that's the closest I been and there were people at my house at that time.


I just hope I can get the money.

I hope you find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

Thank you

 

[MrDarkness]

I hope your able to find peace, I'll join you soon if possible

 

[AngelTears]

If you survive I'd be interested to know what it felt like - I've only done a speedball once and wasn't a fan so can't imagine that taking an OD level of both would be pleasant - wouldn't the upper keep you awake? When I go I'm doing it on heroin alone bc I want be blissfully unconscious when I die. Not to discourage you, just sharing thoughts. Good luck

I re read and I just saw I didn't describe how a speedball feels to me.

The minute before you're feeling like you've got the flu, with hot and cold flashes running all over your body. You're just desperate to get that shit into your body.

You hastely cook up the first shot with as much coke and h you can put into as little water as possible.

I always sanitize my hands and injection area, bc I don't want to die slow or painfully. I want to die fast.

I pick up a clean needle, cut off a piece of an unsmoked cigarette filter and drop it in the cook.

Draw up the hit and now comes the best part.

I've been lucky that I have always been able to find my veins fast, so I can quickly cure myself when I need to.

So I stick the needle in, draw anc check for blood, and if a I see a line spunk inside the needle, everything just goes to a calm.

I slowly push in. And wait.


In a matter of seconds, I'm cured. No hot/cold flashes. No trembling. No pain.

Then comes the cocaine rush. I get the taste of the coke in the back of my mouth, a very hard to describe feeling. And my vision gets aittle hazy.

Usually I'm watching a youtube video and its almost like the volume goes down. Feels like I'm looking and listening through a tunnel.

A very pleasurable rush goes through my body as I try to quickly clean up everything, cap my needle and get a cigarette to smoke before the rush goes down.

Then I rinse and repeat untill I'm low or out.


Now,


When I OD, usually it's just a couple of seconds of the best high I've ever felt and then darkness. Nothing.

I wake up hours later, cold and dizzy, usually with the taste or residue of vomit in my mouth or beside me.

I get mad bc that means that either my attempt didn't work or I wasted my high.