Venting I'm pathetic and useless

[Scribbilamarks]

I wanted to CTB since I was 5 years old. It's been almost 20 years and I'm still alive. I cant imagine living past the age of 25, but I just keep failing. Over and over again. Every time. I've probably attempted like 50 times (I lost count) but SOMEHOW I always survive. Wether its SI kicking in, or being caught by a friend or family member, its impossible to leave this world. Why can't I? There are people who get it right first attempt! How useless do I have to be to fail this much. Is it even worth trying again? I don't think I can NOT try again, that would mean LIVING, but I don't think I'll be able to take it if I fail again. I always get something wrong. It's ALWAYS my fault I fail, but I don't know what else I can do. I plan on attempting one more time with SN, but I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't work.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing, it's so horrible to me how there isn't a guaranteed way to just free ourselves from this existence in peace, it sounds so awful going through that many failed attempts. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.