Venting I’m out of methods.

[Ardesevent]

I had a strange experience with partial a few days ago, and I finally found out why- apparently I managed to damage the wardrobe bar I was using for it pretty badly. It's still screwed into the wall, but it's barely hanging on there. I was an idiot for not realizing it was screwed in instead of bolted before, and I got what I deserved.
But now that I lost the wardrobe, I don't have any more methods to use. I can't even use a door in my house, since they're hollow. My guns got confiscated, my drowning attempts and overdoses went as well as you can expect, and now partial is impossible. I can't order SN or charcoal either, since my dad goes through everything I order.
The only bet I have left is a train that runs through my area. Company delivery train only, so no passengers to worry about traumatizing, either. But since it doesn't take passengers, I have no way of knowing when it might show up. There's also the issue of whoever's driving it- I doubt they'll see me when I jump in front of it, but I have no way to make sure.
I'm running out of options and I don't want to live forever. I turn 19 in a couple months, and I don't want to celebrate another year of failed attempts and being useless. Hopefully I get lucky and get conveniently murdered or die of Covid.

 

[almost_dead]

I think jumping maybe better than trains .

 

[UpsidedownStar]

I'm personally going to go out via hypothermia around December. I'd rather go out peacefully than trains or COVID. I've got no way to do partial, either, and I couldn't gather the courage to jump all those years ago.

I empathize with you here, though. I'm a little bit older than you and I've not been able to get out of this suicidal mindset for as long as I can remember. We've both got a future, but it's up to us to decide whether or not we want to experience it. I'm personally choosing to opt out.

 

[yep]

I'm basically in the same boat as you my birthday is in October but I don't want to make it there.I would try to get sn, I got my own amazon account and I'm having the amazon delivery guy hide it in a very easy but not visible spot. I hope this helps