F
foggy
Member
- Mar 1, 2022
- 46
I'm finally ordering SN. The supplier I tried previously didn't work out. I have mixed emotions. Obviously I 100% want to die but I want it to get here now bc I don't want to last another day. I also have to wait until tomorrow to order it bc I'm taking out a PO Box specifically for this. So my roommates don't see it. And I have to go by the post office first before I can order it. I'm anxious af. The timing is bad, bc my best friends birthday is coming up. I don't want to ctb on or near his bday. But I think it's gonna have to be kinda near his bday. I honestly can't hold out much longer. I can't stand the pain I live in from my physical health conditions. And I'm so depressed. It honestly hurts to breathe. And exist. Talking is painful. Everything is painful. I want the pain to end. I don't want to be selfish but as soon as I get the SN I'm going to ctb. Sorry to my best friend R whose birthday it will be. It doesn't matter if I wait bc April is my brothers bday and May is my dads. I'm gonna hurt someone either way. Call me selfish, an asshole, I know I am. I just need this all to stop.