Venting I'm on a different wavelength to normies

[ijustwishtodie]

...and yet they think that they understand me. They think that I'm just like them because they consider everybody else as an extension to them. I'm not like them at all and I never will be as my neurotype is just different to theirs. They all love working and hardships; they all say that they have a passion for a specific job but I know that I'll never be passionate for any type of work. No matter what job I do, I'll always be miserable as I don't want to work.

I believe that I deserve the best and, for me, that best is death because I find death to be absolutely beautiful. I have never liked being a human and I remember that, for as long as I lived, I hated being a human. I envy house cats as they can be lazy for as long as they want.

Normies think that they understand me but they don't. I'm an anomaly as I don't fit the norm at all. I'm different and normies can't understand that difference. Of course it works both ways and, just as they can't understand me, I can't understand them. I can't understand how somehow all of them are passionate with some sort of job. I can't understand how they love hardship. I can't understand how they love their lives and also how they love being a human. I just can't understand any of it.

It's no use trying to get normies to understand me because they can never understand. They just don't have the ability to understand

 

[Ungie]

I can understand you very well.

I was struggling with the feeling that I don't belong to this particular world and this particular body (human body) since I graduated middle school. I think it was a universal reaction to enormous bullying and lack of acceptance, so instinctively and subconsciously my self-image evolved into something non-human. Sometimes it was so painful that I needed to physically let it out by beating against the ground, where nobody could see me.

It subsided over time, when I started to have social interactions here and there just to make a living. However, I can't manage close relationships with "normal" people, I always end up in relationships with someone as traumatized or "not normal" as myself. Until recently, I was comfortable with that, but I got tired because such relationships never lasted long for me.