I'm not sure why I try anymore

[eliza23]

I don't know, I mean I moved out of my abusive relationships at home but it's like I stepped into an even deeper and bigger problem. I moved in with my friend who's even more lost than me because she's already given up on life but is to scared to take her life so she reads books so much so that she get's lost in them as if they were real. I mean don't get me wrong glad she didn't take her life and honestly I still get lost in the books I read as if I'm actually there living in the book like it's reality. But I want to help her and I'm trying to help her and for those that don't believe in god in any way this may sound stupid. But if I'm honest I have this feeling that I'm supposed to help her that it's not her time to go whether it be literally or not, and yeah I sound stupid and delusional but I don't care what anyone else has to say. I'm gonna help her and I've been trying to start small y having her try new foods and go outside even for a short period of time but she won't do it. I've not made any progress with her in the past 2 months and the thing that gets me is that she's so negative all the time and she get's pissed at me when I try to get her to participate in life as if she never wants to leave her fantasy world. It's just making me feel like shit all over again it's making me think of myself when I was like her for a few months and I do understand that she's been through a lot but she's had so many years seen therapists and not one drop of progress and it's making me mad and get upset with her because I wanna help her and she's a great person sometimes naive kind sweet and affectionate but the way she makes me feel is different from how she is seen. She makes me feel like shit, like I don't matter cuz shes to caught up on youtube or playing minecraft, like I'm a nobody, like I'm just here to be used and not loved cared about, she doesn't even really treat me like a human and I promised to not give up on her but were gonna be roommates for a long time because I do truly care about her as a friend but were gonna have to live as just roommates for a while and not friends because I need a break she's making me feel so frustrated that I wanna die that I'm having suicidal thoughts after not having them for months. I sometimes feel like I'm just throwing myself back into the situation I was in before at home with my family, but I wanna be there for her because no one else has been but so help me god I can't do this right now I need a damn break this is just to much to take on all at once let alone by myself but I no longer have friends because one of my friends parents blame me for her depression getting worse, the other doesn't want their 13yr daughter being friends with someone whos 18, and the other one got mad at me cu I couldn't meet up with her anymore cuz I had a ride but she doesn't wanna drive me their anymore cuz she'll be busy and the last one never notices me anymore. I just feel like I bite off more than I could chew again and it's backfiring on me which would be my own fault but oh well. I'm already mentally tired and exhausted from the world and life in general but I'm trying to help my friends while pulling myself together and on top of that I'm trying to get my life together so I can start living again but not I'm feeling as if that is all pointless all over again and now I'm asking myself why the fuck do I try, I do nothing but fail and fall deeper into the dark into nothingness again and again every time I try whether it be for me or someone else. Now I just wonder why I'm trying again exactly cuz I don't know anymore, I;m just so tired I tried and I know there is no success without failure but damn I can't do this anymore.

So if you guys have anything and i mean anything to say good or bad or questions to ask go ahead and do just that, I'm to tired to keep trying I'm starting to not care anymore about succeeding in life so change my mind if you can or don't and just let me rot away I don't think I care that much anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really does sound like a difficult situation to be in. I understand why you would be so tired. I do think that some people simply don't want to be helped and theres nothing you can really do about that. You do sound very caring and like you are doing all that you can. I wish you the best.