Venting I'm not ready for adulthood

[Codename_Joryu]

I was never ready for it in the first place. I'm 20 years old this year but I'm still processing my problems from 2016. Every single person around me just goes with their lives normally, they do great at schools or universities, they have a good social life, they are enjoying their lives as much as they can. And then there's me, a sad sack of shit that doesn't even know what the fuck is happening around him. Literally like 99% of my days are just staring at desktop while listening to music, because I don't know what else is there to do. All these responsibilities are so overwhelming, even though I'm technically an adult, I still feel like a little kid, like I can't do anything myself and I just have to hold someone's hand in order to succed at basic things. I don't even know what do I want to do in life, because all this stress and sadness just stole every little bit of dreams and ambitions I had. At this rate I'm pretty sure I'll end up as a depressed minimum wage worker, reliving the same day for the rest of my pathetic existence.
Honestly I just wish time stopped, so I can at least have some time to figure out all the things that are killing me from the inside, but that will never happen. I missed every single opportunity I had in life, and there will only be less of them as the time goes by. At this point I don't even believe in better future, things will only get worse. I never wanted to be an adult, I just want to be a teenager again and start over.

 

[SilentSadness]

That sounds tedious and stressful, I hope you find peace from your suffering soon.

 

[Scythe]

Yeah same, I hate growing up. There's suddenly so much more responibilities now. Society demands more than one third of your day for work in your adulthood, and I don't know how people deal with it either. Guess they just have more reasons to live and something that makes them very happy so their life is worth it. We either work or we strave. Covid crushed the economy and everything's so expensive now. The government here starts taxing our pay before it's even at a livable amount.
I just want to rot away somewhere. I wish we can just be cats or birds, they are carefree.

 

[F@#$]

Me neither, and I'm old already.

 

[haibane]

I really feels u, i feel like im the same person that i was 2yr ago. Everything is going so fast i feel like its impossible to keep up. Time dont make sense anymore and its so perturbing. Im sorry you are feeling like that too and i hope u will get through it.
(Btw i love ure edgerunner pfp)

 

[Blackpepperpancake]

Living means suffering specially when we hit adulthood. We have to work 8 hrs for ungrateful riches out there, maintain social life, hobbies, both physical and mental state. Human are supposed to do what they want to do by using each individual potential but here we are sell our time and soul just enough for bare minimum living cost. I no longer have a faith in this world, I will try to do what I can until the day I finally CTB. This world has fucked up by everyone of us.

 

[Daxter_87]

Yeah, I understand. Life sucks, and it's astonishing how most people can cope with such slavery - working at a job eight hours a day, five days a week - if you're "lucky" enough not to be enslaved even more - and then going home and doing housework... Just beyond me.

There's nothing wrong with you feeling and being like this, it's just that life, the way it's set up, is pure insanity at its core. It takes a great deal of self-deception/delusion/brainwashing/programming to adapt to such a rigged system.

 

[hannila_m]

Me neither, however I'm way older:(

 

[DesperateOne]

I was never ready for it in the first place. I'm 20 years old this year but I'm still processing my problems from 2016. Every single person around me just goes with their lives normally, they do great at schools or universities, they have a good social life, they are enjoying their lives as much as they can. And then there's me, a sad sack of shit that doesn't even know what the fuck is happening around him. Literally like 99% of my days are just staring at desktop while listening to music, because I don't know what else is there to do. All these responsibilities are so overwhelming, even though I'm technically an adult, I still feel like a little kid, like I can't do anything myself and I just have to hold someone's hand in order to succed at basic things. I don't even know what do I want to do in life, because all this stress and sadness just stole every little bit of dreams and ambitions I had. At this rate I'm pretty sure I'll end up as a depressed minimum wage worker, reliving the same day for the rest of my pathetic existence.
Honestly I just wish time stopped, so I can at least have some time to figure out all the things that are killing me from the inside, but that will never happen. I missed every single opportunity I had in life, and there will only be less of them as the time goes by. At this point I don't even believe in better future, things will only get worse. I never wanted to be an adult, I just want to be a teenager again and start over.

I relate to this so much. I'm at a completely similar, but probably way more doomed state at 23. I've spent my chilhood and teenage years avoiding adversity, pushed away friends/family, skipped on education and spent majority of my time severely addicted to games and social media.

Now at 23 I'm looking back on what the fuck happened... Where are my happy memories? Where is my identity? Why do I only get anxiety when thinking about the past? Everything is so hollow in my soul and there are no foundations to keep me standing and push me forward (I also think that I have BPD along with many other mental fuckery).

So now you are telling me I have to get a 9-5 and work my whole life for company and enjoy none of it? I'm suppose to be mature for my age, even though I still feel like a little kid? I'm supposed to develop professional mature friendships even though my social development stopped in high school?

Feels like my brain has stopped updating when I was 10, but people are asking me when will I start a family, get a partner or a career. Bitch I can barely get out of bed in the morning and all I can do is stare at a screen which is pretty much my entire reality at this point. There is and probably will never be a partner or a career...

It's all fucked from the root to the stem to the leaves.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Same. When I was younger I remember fearing adulthood because I understood how miserable it was. While I don't think I'd ever want to be a child again, I'm also not a huge fan of being an adult either. I'm genuinely bad at adulting.

Everyone around my age seems to be busy moving out of their parents home and living on their own, going out, getting good grades in uni with the hopes of going into some spectacular career, etc. Meanwhile, I have trouble talking to strangers, I still live with my mom, I'm doing horrible in school and just found out that I'm suspended for having a low gpa. I don't have any skills or talents. I feel like a 15-year-old trapped in the body of a 20-year-old. On the brightside, being an adult means that I can go and buy alcohol, which is great since I plan to drink before I ctb!

I went out to get some vodka this morning because I was planning to kill myself today, but my mom came got home from work early (she's not feeling well) so I'll have to postpone it until Monday.

 

[uniqueusername12]

I'm not at the age where I can fully relate

But my experience of my 20's was like being hit by a runaway train that just kept going. It's still going to this day, it never stopped.

I will say that even though it never stopped. I did see some fantastic views, ones that I am so happy I witnessed.

Hopefully, you and everyone else struggling, will get to see some views as well. Hopefully the train will stop and give you the chance to look back on everything you got to see.

 

[Codename_Joryu]

Same. When I was younger I remember fearing adulthood because I understood how miserable it was. While I don't think I'd ever want to be a child again, I'm also not a huge fan of being an adult either. I'm genuinely bad at adulting.

Everyone around my age seems to be busy moving out of their parents home and living on their own, going out, getting good grades in uni with the hopes of going into some spectacular career, etc. Meanwhile, I have trouble talking to strangers, I still live with my mom, I'm doing horrible in school and just found out that I'm suspended for having a low gpa. I don't have any skills or talents. I feel like a 15-year-old trapped in the body of a 20-year-old. On the brightside, being an adult means that I can go and buy alcohol, which is great since I plan to drink before I ctb!

I went out to get some vodka this morning because I was planning to kill myself today, but my mom came got home from work early (she's not feeling well) so I'll have to postpone it until Monday.

Yeah, that's probably the only good thing about being an adult for me. That I can just buy alcohol and cigarettes so I'll at least get cancer sooner. Life is so fucking boring, we were literally born in the worst timeline possible where the only thing we can do is just work in shitty jobs and overpay for absolutely everything because economy is shit. We are not meant to be great, we are not meant to be a part of something bigger, we are not meant to achieve something and get titles for it, we are not meant to fight for our beliefs and be tested by life. We are only meant to be slaves to everyone that were lucky enough to succed in this rat race. I hate being a boring gray human that everyone will forget about, but I know that no matter what I do, nothing will change.

 

[dynastickitten]

I was never ready for it in the first place. I'm 20 years old this year but I'm still processing my problems from 2016. Every single person around me just goes with their lives normally, they do great at schools or universities, they have a good social life, they are enjoying their lives as much as they can. And then there's me, a sad sack of shit that doesn't even know what the fuck is happening around him. Literally like 99% of my days are just staring at desktop while listening to music, because I don't know what else is there to do. All these responsibilities are so overwhelming, even though I'm technically an adult, I still feel like a little kid, like I can't do anything myself and I just have to hold someone's hand in order to succed at basic things. I don't even know what do I want to do in life, because all this stress and sadness just stole every little bit of dreams and ambitions I had. At this rate I'm pretty sure I'll end up as a depressed minimum wage worker, reliving the same day for the rest of my pathetic existence.
Honestly I just wish time stopped, so I can at least have some time to figure out all the things that are killing me from the inside, but that will never happen. I missed every single opportunity I had in life, and there will only be less of them as the time goes by. At this point I don't even believe in better future, things will only get worse. I never wanted to be an adult, I just want to be a teenager again and start over.

You might be surprised at how many people relate to this sentiment that seem perfectly fine. None of my buddies feel like adults, yet one of them is going to school to become an electrician, another is trying to get pregnant, yet another is going to Yale university for grad school, etc etc. All of us seem like we have our shit together, but I'm not so sure any of us do.

I myself am writing this response from work right now. I'm here on this site, same as you, listless, not quite sure what I want to do in life, not sure if what I've invested so much time and energy into is actually what I'm cut out for.

You're not alone, not by a long shot.