im not my mother

[Life_and_Death]

the difference, i recognize my problems. when im in the wrong i say sorry. and im trying to fix the over all problem.
these three things mean im nothing like her. for as long as im improving or at least trying to, ill never be like her.
im not hiding my problems, im not in denial about them. while i do smoke up im not hiding behind the weed like she does.
IM NOT HER.

 

[timf]

Differentiation can be helpful, but you want to be careful that it does not lead to excessive contempt. If you see your mother as lacking the courage to face her problems, you might feel sorry for her and consider what you might be able to do to help her. This can work to keep you from being infected with bitterness.

 

[Life_and_Death]

If you see your mother as lacking the courage to face her problems, you might feel sorry for her and consider what you might be able to do to help her.

i already gave her the chance years ago and she basically threw it in my face. i dont have much sympathy for her

 

[timf]

It would have been nice if there was a possibility of helping her in some way. However, even though there is no chance to be helpful to her, holding an image in your mind of her as your tormentor can contribute to bitterness which can harm you.

If you can shift the image in your mind to that of her being a hapless victim of whatever she has experienced, you may soften the image to one of pity that can prevent the tumor-like growth of resentment which can harm you for years.

We can all encounter toxic people. When they are our parents, it can take years to try to repair the damage. Sometimes distance is the only management strategy that is effective. However, we want to make sure that we don't carry anything away from such experiences that continues to harm us.