Story I'm not going to start meds because I'm scared, giving a go to CBT and IFS and Reddit

[przeciwwymiotne]

I feel more real and authentic without meds + I'm scared of the side effects.

Found an AMAZING therapist with whom we'be been doing CBT since May.

I'll try to do some self-therapy using IFS.

Subreddits around CPTSD, BPD help a ton and keep me focused on processing my pain.

I really hope it'll help

 

[Looking]

If meds aren't for you, then they're not for you. The way I decided if I needed them was doing a pros and cons list.

I'm glad to hear progress is happening with you and that you feel great about it so far! I'm also glad to hear your therapist is working out great for you so far.

I know what CPTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder), BPD (Borderline personality disorder) and CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) means, but I'm not sure what IFS means. I tried looking it up but I'm not sure. What does IFS stand for, if I may ask?

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

If meds aren't for you, then they're not for you. The way I decided if I needed them was doing a pros and cons list.

I'm glad to hear progress is happening with you and that you feel great about it so far! I'm also glad to hear your therapist is working out great for you so far.

I know what CPTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder), BPD (Borderline personality disorder) and CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) means, but I'm not sure what IFS means. I tried looking it up but I'm not sure. What does IFS stand for, if I may ask?

Thank you
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I feel more real and authentic without meds + I'm scared of the side effects.

Found an AMAZING therapist with whom we'be been doing CBT since May.

I'll try to do some self-therapy using IFS.

Subreddits around CPTSD, BPD help a ton and keep me focused on processing my pain.

I really hope it'll help

Best of luck! I have found IFS to be helpful.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I feel more real and authentic without meds + I'm scared of the side effects.

Found an AMAZING therapist with whom we'be been doing CBT since May.

I'll try to do some self-therapy using IFS.

Subreddits around CPTSD, BPD help a ton and keep me focused on processing my pain.

I really hope it'll help

It's been a month.
CBT is helping greatly, first time in my life actually cuz I've had so bad experiences with CBT.
I feel a bit more calm and hopeful. I'm in the process of getting diagnosed and I'm also waiting for an appointment with an IFS therapist.
Slowed it down a bit with the Reddit.
I think my next goal is going to be reading more. Anything, there's a few books that I really wanted to read and I kinda slowed down with the reading lately.
So yeah, heard it helps with being calm
Honestly I feel so lonely and tired. Don't have the energy to be a good friend rn and I'm beating myself up for that.
But I'll be starting uni again in October so that might make it better.
Do you want guys have any tips on how to be a good friend whilst extremely anxious, tired, sad and potentially also BPD?
Almost forgot. I did almost start the meds.
But didn't because I'm too scared of permanently losing my sex drive among other things

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I had an appointment with and IFS specialist finally. The session was respectful and professional but I had a panic attack because of the relaxation techniques (that's normal for me rn) she ended up stating that with such a degree of distress and somatic reactions it's better for me to take up EMDR instead. Breathing was stressful, focusing on the surroundings was stressful, touching my body was stressful, talking was also stressful.
She said my trauma symptoms are too severe for IFS and EMDR will be more effective and more comfortable.
I somehow feel proud that my trauma is 'severe enough' for her to have referred me to another therapist. I feel relieved and I feel that my trauma is valid because of this.
She recommended a great EMDR specialist and I'm going to see them next week. She told me I can always come back to her if I feel like I meed IFS after the initial EMDR 'calming of the nervous system' but it's also fine if I stay with the EMDR specialist.
We tried to make me imagine all the stress as it sits down on a chair in front of me, leaving my body alone. But it was too difficult and only worked for a few seconds, then the stress jumped back at me.
I'm hopeful about the EMDR

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

FIRST EMDR SESSION
A couple of thoughts
The therapist was very respectful and professional. We're going to have a few sessions where she's going to help me get ready for EMDR. I trusted her immediately which rarely happens. At a point during the session I felt almost like it's destiny. It's all coming together.

Here's how the session looked:

1. She asked me to tell her a short synopsis of my current life (panic attacks, constant anxiety, dependency and almost not functioning)

2. Then asked me whether I feel comfortable mentioning the trauma so that she can determine whether EMDR can be used for it. I agreed, ofc that's why I'm here

3. I LOVE that she didn't want me to describe it like I'd normally be during therapy. She asked whether I feel similar things in my body as I did during the traumatic events and describe it to her. So I did. Then asked about any images or things that trigger flashbacks. That's all. Didn't have to describe the entire trauma.

4. She told me the trauma seems to be quite severe so the prep is going to take a lil longer and I trust her. She's not ripping me off for money. I only told her a chunk and I KNOW it's a lot so it's a reasonable claim

5. She went onto describing how the memories are stored in the body and brain and what it means to process memories. The difference between processed and unprocessed

I was really worried that I won't be able to do EMDR along CBT.
Turns out I can very well combine CBT with EMDR, she said the processes will compliment eachother.
I'm very hopeful and also tired haha
Gonna keep updating this post
I hope this is informative, that's the main reason I'm updating this post

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I feel more real and authentic without meds + I'm scared of the side effects.

Found an AMAZING therapist with whom we'be been doing CBT since May.

I'll try to do some self-therapy using IFS.

Subreddits around CPTSD, BPD help a ton and keep me focused on processing my pain.

I really hope it'll help

Okay so I have decided to start meditation. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow and will probably end up taking Duloxitine as they recommended it before.

Reasons for this decision:
1. Plenty of intrusive thoughts about hanging myself, about being assaulted with random objects, about getting my spine or veins ripped out
2. Almost CONSTANT dissociation, I'm scared of loosing consciousness or sth
3. The EMDR therapist is on a month long holiday
4. I'm having troubles falling asleep and sleeping at night
5. Constant health anxiety and visions of dying
6. Cannot function when my significant other is away

I also got a prescription for medical marijuana from my reumathologist because of my chronic illness and I might try that in the future. Hope it could also help with regular exercise and with panic attacks