im not doing so good

[fieryending]

I can't deal with my problems. I don't know how to talk to people. I just sit there in silence and don't say a word. I don't even know how to reply to people who comment on my posts in a suicide forum.

I sit on this couch all day and use my laptop, doing nothing.

I don't know what to do.

I can't even kill myself because I have a fear that if I do, if anything comes next, it will be even worse. It wouldn't be an escape from the pain, it would amplify it.

I fucking suck. I don't even talk to my friend/sister even though she payed for the plane ticket for me to come out here. I don't know if I can go back to live with my guardian. I bet she doesn't even want me to come back. I want to die but it seems like I have to wait for it to happen naturally. This life is the punishment. There is no hell, we're already here. Heaven is here too, but I can't reach it.

 

[Disintegration]

In regards to an afterlife punishment... I like to look at it this way... Do you think there is a different place for good and bad animals after they die? If you had a dog and he bit your hand, do you think he'd go to doggy hell? To me it sounds pretty ridiculous to think this way. I can't imagine people are any different than animals in this sense. It just doesn't make sense to me that there would be an afterlife punishment. Punishing people is something we do here in this realm, death is a different story.

 

[fieryending]

In regards to an afterlife punishment... I like to look at it this way... Do you think there is a different place for good and bad animals after they die? If you had a dog and he bit your hand, do you think he'd go to doggy hell? To me it sounds pretty ridiculous to think this way. I can't imagine people are any different than animals in this sense. It just doesn't make sense to me that there would be an afterlife punishment. Punishing people is something we do here in this realm, death is a different story.

The reason I feel like there might be an afterlife punishment is this: HOW IS ANYTHING REAL? If you start thinking about how there is something rather than nothing, it makes sense that there probably is a higher power, not even necessarily god or a creator. How are we conscious? If there was a big bang, what was there before that? I'm not religious, but I see why a lot of people are.

On an unrelated note, I'm crying now for no reason. It feels kinda nice to feel something. That's why I like tears.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Man i would love to talk to you on PM or phone. There are various comparative religions and occult answers to your queries. Gnostic, Cathar, Hermetic...

 

[Disintegration]

I believe this life is an autonomous system. At the core of existence there is nothing. We give life meaning with our thoughts and actions. Even if there were a creator you would be an extension of that entities expression. If a creator were to punish you, it would be punishing itself like some sick self loathing masochistic weirdo. I've thought long and hard about this subject and I strongly believe there is no judgement after we die. The heaven and hell stuff comes from religions and governments that want a less laborious and intrusive way to control the masses.

 

[Kvotheloner]

It doesn't make sense to be punished for suicide when we have no free will choice over coming into existence in the first place.

 

[Stan]

I can't deal with my problems. I don't know how to talk to people. I just sit there in silence and don't say a word. I don't even know how to reply to people who comment on my posts in a suicide forum.

I sit on this couch all day and use my laptop, doing nothing.

I don't know what to do.

I can't even kill myself because I have a fear that if I do, if anything comes next, it will be even worse. It wouldn't be an escape from the pain, it would amplify it.

I fucking suck. I don't even talk to my friend/sister even though she payed for the plane ticket for me to come out here. I don't know if I can go back to live with my guardian. I bet she doesn't even want me to come back. I want to die but it seems like I have to wait for it to happen naturally. This life is the punishment. There is no hell, we're already here. Heaven is here too, but I can't reach it.

For someone who says they can't can't communicate, you did an amazing job on telling us how you feel. I think you are a better communicator than you think. Maybe you should explore that more on this forum.

 

[alexithymia]

You have put into words exactly how I feel. It's almost as if I could've written it.

 

[Alec]

I can relate, thank you for sharing!❤
I wish I could offer some help, hope and advice but really I haven't figured out this for myself either. I don't know I just kind of keep drifting on in the wind. But you are right, the hell is here, and so is heaven.
Please stay strong, I do care about you and I do love you, even if you don't know how to talk to me, I don't know how to talk to anyone either:)

 

[lofistos345]

I can't deal with my problems. I don't know how to talk to people. I just sit there in silence and don't say a word. I don't even know how to reply to people who comment on my posts in a suicide forum.

I sit on this couch all day and use my laptop, doing nothing.

I don't know what to do.

I can't even kill myself because I have a fear that if I do, if anything comes next, it will be even worse. It wouldn't be an escape from the pain, it would amplify it.

I fucking suck. I don't even talk to my friend/sister even though she payed for the plane ticket for me to come out here. I don't know if I can go back to live with my guardian. I bet she doesn't even want me to come back. I want to die but it seems like I have to wait for it to happen naturally. This life is the punishment. There is no hell, we're already here. Heaven is here too, but I can't reach it.

Get some help and find out what's going on with you. Self Determination is a given and a right. But, try to figure out what's going on with you. Suicide is helpful when you know what you are doing.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

I can't deal with my problems. I don't know how to talk to people. I just sit there in silence and don't say a word. I don't even know how to reply to people who comment on my posts in a suicide forum.

I sit on this couch all day and use my laptop, doing nothing.

I don't know what to do.

I can't even kill myself because I have a fear that if I do, if anything comes next, it will be even worse. It wouldn't be an escape from the pain, it would amplify it.

I fucking suck. I don't even talk to my friend/sister even though she payed for the plane ticket for me to come out here. I don't know if I can go back to live with my guardian. I bet she doesn't even want me to come back. I want to die but it seems like I have to wait for it to happen naturally. This life is the punishment. There is no hell, we're already here. Heaven is here too, but I can't reach it.

Oh, how I can relate to what you wrote. Sounds so much like me and my Aspberger's Synrome Disorder. Not so much the death part but having a hard time talking to people and not knowing how to reply or communicate. ASD is survivable, really, and you can still have a relatively good life. I am no shrink but if you can, try to get a copy of Nerdy, Shy and Socially Inappropriate by Cynthia Kim. It helped clarify so many relationship problems I used to beat myself up about. Only wish I knew about being an Aspie when I was younger. It would have saved me decades of grief.

 

[fieryending]

Oh, how I can relate to what you wrote. Sounds so much like me and my Aspberger's Synrome Disorder. Not so much the death part but having a hard time talking to people and not knowing how to reply or communicate. ASD is survivable, really, and you can still have a relatively good life. I am no shrink but if you can, try to get a copy of Nerdy, Shy and Socially Inappropriate by Cynthia Kim. It helped clarify so many relationship problems I used to beat myself up about. Only wish I knew about being an Aspie when I was younger. It would have saved me decades of grief.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out. My guardian has told me she thinks I have autism(along with a whole other slew of disorders). I haven't been diagnosed by a professional so I don't believe her. I do keep on entertaining the thought that I actually do have autism and it makes me feel bad. I don't want to have autism, though it would explain a lot of shit. It would make me feel like I'm broken, a mistake, genetically fucked up.

You have put into words exactly how I feel. It's almost as if I could've written it.

thats cool

Man i would love to talk to you on PM or phone. There are various comparative religions and occult answers to your queries. Gnostic, Cathar, Hermetic...

sure you can PM me

I believe this life is an autonomous system. At the core of existence there is nothing. We give life meaning with our thoughts and actions. Even if there were a creator you would be an extension of that entities expression. If a creator were to punish you, it would be punishing itself like some sick self loathing masochistic weirdo. I've thought long and hard about this subject and I strongly believe there is no judgement after we die. The heaven and hell stuff comes from religions and governments that want a less laborious and intrusive way to control the masses.

I never thought about it like that, a creator punishing itself. If that was true wouldn't that make all of us the creator? We'd all be one and the same. I just have this feeling that everything in existence came from somewhere, it's impossible to know where. Just think about this: everyone on this forum(besides sneaky aliens lol) is from this planet, which is a blue and green sphere that somehow stays in place with nothing to support it in the middle of a pitch black universe. Have you ever thought about how planets just sit there? We are the only conscious being in the universe that we know of, so if the creator is punishing itself, would it also be experiencing itself through us?

 

[Kvotheloner]

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out. My guardian has told me she thinks I have autism(along with a whole other slew of disorders). I haven't been diagnosed by a professional so I don't believe her. I do keep on entertaining the thought that I actually do have autism and it makes me feel bad. I don't want to have autism, though it would explain a lot of shit. It would make me feel like I'm broken, a mistake, genetically fucked up.

thats cool

sure you can PM me

I never thought about it like that, a creator punishing itself. If that was true wouldn't that make all of us the creator? We'd all be one and the same. I just have this feeling that everything in existence came from somewhere, it's impossible to know where. Just think about this: everyone on this forum(besides sneaky aliens lol) is from this planet, which is a blue and green sphere that somehow stays in place with nothing to support it in the middle of a pitch black universe. Have you ever thought about how planets just sit there? We are the only conscious being in the universe that we know of, so if the creator is punishing itself, would it also be experiencing itself through us?

This is a really good article of gnostic belief about the cycle of creation and the creator being one. Pretty similar to most Buddhist teachings on that matter. These teachings helped me get through most of my 20s.
I have taken large doses of psychedelics and it shines through so perfectly. lsd and dmt have shown this to me in ways I cant describe, more clear than my life has ever been.
I wish so badly I had the courage to stay and create something positive, but I just can't. I have tried for years. Thankfully I have lost the desire to be scared of death through these experiences as well, so at least I have that. It really pains me to know that there are people of sound mind that will never have these awe inspiring moments with these substances, for whatever reason.
Its infinitely more important than the material world we slave away for that I will never understand, and people of Ancient times that were not distracted by capitalism and self gain knew this.

 

[fieryending]

This is a really good article of gnostic belief about the cycle of creation and the creator being one. Pretty similar to most Buddhist teachings on that matter. These teachings helped me get through most of my 20s.
I have taken large doses of psychedelics and it shines through so perfectly. lsd and dmt have shown this to me in ways I cant describe, more clear than my life has ever been.
I wish so badly I had the courage to stay and create something positive, but I just can't. I have tried for years. Thankfully I have lost the desire to be scared of death through these experiences as well, so at least I have that. It really pains me to know that there are people of sound mind that will never have these awe inspiring moments with these substances, for whatever reason.
Its infinitely more important than the material world we slave away for that I will never understand, and people of Ancient times that were not distracted by capitalism and self gain knew this.

thanks for the article, ill check it out.

This is a really good article of gnostic belief about the cycle of creation and the creator being one. Pretty similar to most Buddhist teachings on that matter. These teachings helped me get through most of my 20s.
I have taken large doses of psychedelics and it shines through so perfectly. lsd and dmt have shown this to me in ways I cant describe, more clear than my life has ever been.
I wish so badly I had the courage to stay and create something positive, but I just can't. I have tried for years. Thankfully I have lost the desire to be scared of death through these experiences as well, so at least I have that. It really pains me to know that there are people of sound mind that will never have these awe inspiring moments with these substances, for whatever reason.
Its infinitely more important than the material world we slave away for that I will never understand, and people of Ancient times that were not distracted by capitalism and self gain knew this.

that was a cool article, I'm really interested in stuff like that. It does assume that I asked to be human though, if I did I guess I wanted to experience suicide this time. Which sucks, but I guess my spirit self was like, lets not do fun shit, lets fucking suffer. I can't wait to experience the eternal now moment.

 

[Disintegration]

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out. My guardian has told me she thinks I have autism(along with a whole other slew of disorders). I haven't been diagnosed by a professional so I don't believe her. I do keep on entertaining the thought that I actually do have autism and it makes me feel bad. I don't want to have autism, though it would explain a lot of shit. It would make me feel like I'm broken, a mistake, genetically fucked up.

thats cool

sure you can PM me

I never thought about it like that, a creator punishing itself. If that was true wouldn't that make all of us the creator? We'd all be one and the same. I just have this feeling that everything in existence came from somewhere, it's impossible to know where. Just think about this: everyone on this forum(besides sneaky aliens lol) is from this planet, which is a blue and green sphere that somehow stays in place with nothing to support it in the middle of a pitch black universe. Have you ever thought about how planets just sit there? We are the only conscious being in the universe that we know of, so if the creator is punishing itself, would it also be experiencing itself through us?

I believe so. Yes.