edu0z
carried away by a moonlight shadow
- Aug 25, 2021
- 552
I just want to let go of things that I have inside and that I haven't expressed in a long time because I made a promise for the "common good" and I can't tell anyone close to me and I seriously feel like I need to get those feelings out or at least express them somewhere that's not a notepad.
For as long as I can remember I have felt like a girl, obviously a little child's mind doesn't understand why he shouldn't do certain things in a certain way, but from a very young age your brain simply learns that those behaviors are wrong when everyone makes fun of you at school and your parents punish you.
So you adapt. You learn to act like other kids act, to do the things that other kids do, and you try to at least like those kinds of things. You learn to speak coarsely and rudely, to walk with poise... elbows out, feet apart, long steps, serious look. I don't even know if these types of sentences make sense in English because I'm using a translator, but who cares?
You start exercising, the most important thing is your arms, chest and back. Wide and open back, upright chest with marked pectorals. Big arms, biceps and triceps, thick forearms and rough hands... the rougher the better, you must take your testosterone to the maximum.
Deep and penetrating gaze, marked jaw... sometimes you even enjoy your view in the mirror. Your pose when walking, when sitting, when standing... must be open, very open, you must project a lot of security. You should be like an alpha lion when he rest, relaxed and confident.
Feelings are silly and stupid things. You should never talk about feelings with your friends. At least not the types of feelings that men don't talk about... maybe the only part I liked about being a man is that when I was with a woman I could express myself more emotionally, but of course they only listen to you when they want to have sex with you, and if you go too sentimental they will look for another man so stop that nonsense. Those girls are with you because they like the mask you have created, they have fallen in love with the character...they will never meet the actress behind it and if they do meet her they will only be scared and see you as someone weak.
You must be very careful with the things you consume... music, movies, anything that enters the 5 senses. You can't listen to that music no matter how much you like it, it is a music that makes you weak, you must listen to the other one... those movies, those movies are not for you, those are stupid movies... you must reprogram your mind.
the clothes... or bro, don't even think about those clothes, those clothes don't exist for you.
With time you learn to put yourself on autopilot. You automate your responses, your movements, your actions... when you want to realize you are nothing more than just one of the people who have been created along the way, and you are not even in control anymore. Maybe it's for the best, I never wanted to be in control of this.
And it doesn't matter how much you would like to one day cry out of heartbreak, or how much you would like to tell a friend that you love them. It doesn't matter what things you want, because you were born the wrong way. Because you were weak in childhood and you didn't know how to impose yourself and now it's too late to back down.
For as long as I can remember I have felt like a girl, obviously a little child's mind doesn't understand why he shouldn't do certain things in a certain way, but from a very young age your brain simply learns that those behaviors are wrong when everyone makes fun of you at school and your parents punish you.
So you adapt. You learn to act like other kids act, to do the things that other kids do, and you try to at least like those kinds of things. You learn to speak coarsely and rudely, to walk with poise... elbows out, feet apart, long steps, serious look. I don't even know if these types of sentences make sense in English because I'm using a translator, but who cares?
You start exercising, the most important thing is your arms, chest and back. Wide and open back, upright chest with marked pectorals. Big arms, biceps and triceps, thick forearms and rough hands... the rougher the better, you must take your testosterone to the maximum.
Deep and penetrating gaze, marked jaw... sometimes you even enjoy your view in the mirror. Your pose when walking, when sitting, when standing... must be open, very open, you must project a lot of security. You should be like an alpha lion when he rest, relaxed and confident.
Feelings are silly and stupid things. You should never talk about feelings with your friends. At least not the types of feelings that men don't talk about... maybe the only part I liked about being a man is that when I was with a woman I could express myself more emotionally, but of course they only listen to you when they want to have sex with you, and if you go too sentimental they will look for another man so stop that nonsense. Those girls are with you because they like the mask you have created, they have fallen in love with the character...they will never meet the actress behind it and if they do meet her they will only be scared and see you as someone weak.
You must be very careful with the things you consume... music, movies, anything that enters the 5 senses. You can't listen to that music no matter how much you like it, it is a music that makes you weak, you must listen to the other one... those movies, those movies are not for you, those are stupid movies... you must reprogram your mind.
the clothes... or bro, don't even think about those clothes, those clothes don't exist for you.
With time you learn to put yourself on autopilot. You automate your responses, your movements, your actions... when you want to realize you are nothing more than just one of the people who have been created along the way, and you are not even in control anymore. Maybe it's for the best, I never wanted to be in control of this.
And it doesn't matter how much you would like to one day cry out of heartbreak, or how much you would like to tell a friend that you love them. It doesn't matter what things you want, because you were born the wrong way. Because you were weak in childhood and you didn't know how to impose yourself and now it's too late to back down.
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