Venting I'm not a normal human being.

[DarkDg21]

What would you think of a 32 year old man who hasn't been able to keep a job for more than 6 months in his entire life?
Well, that's me. I feel extremely ashamed and useless, my self-esteem/self- respect is non - existent.
I'm a burden to my mother and brother. Not being able to help them pay for bills and food is f***ing me up emotionally and mentally .
My depression, mood swings and social anxiety have destroyed my dreams of a normal life, having friends, experiencing love, pretty much being a normal human being is all I asked for and wanted in my life.
Not having social skills and being an absolute dumb person without a personality thanks to my demons in my head is a torture that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I was sexually abused when I was 5, and I always wondered if that's what messed me up.
People around me judge me because they see someone who's healthy and physically "attractive" and expect so much from me but I can't meet such expectations...
What's the point of going on when I can't properly function in society? I wish I had a physical disability instead of a broken mind and soul.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is horrible being alive. I'm sorry you are in this situation, it is painful when everything is hopeless. It sounds like you have been through a lot. After all we are all human and there is only so much we can take, so it is perfectly understandable wanting to exit when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Need2Escape]

What would you think of a 32 year old man who hasn't been able to keep a job for more than 6 months in his entire life?
Well, that's me. I feel extremely ashamed and useless, my self-esteem/self- respect is non - existent.
I'm a burden to my mother and brother. Not being able to help them pay for bills and food is f***ing me up emotionally and mentally .
My depression, mood swings and social anxiety have destroyed my dreams of a normal life, having friends, experiencing love, pretty much being a normal human being is all I asked for and wanted in my life.
Not having social skills and being an absolute dumb person without a personality thanks to my demons in my head is a torture that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I was sexually abused when I was 5, and I always wondered if that's what messed me up.
People around me judge me because they see someone who's healthy and physically "attractive" and expect so much from me but I can't meet such expectations...
What's the point of going on when I can't properly function in society? I wish I had a physical disability instead of a broken mind and soul.

I know how you feel. I feel somewhat the same. I have self-esteem and confidence issues too. I have had a fairly ok social circle but felt that I was not able to hold on to a job for too long too. Max I managed was a 3 year stint at one company. Then at age 35 I decided to not be an employee and managed to hide behind running my own small business for last 15 years or so but even in that time I had episodes of major depression as I struggled with running the business and keep a grip on it.
My wife held a steady job and we managed to get through life but now at age 50 I am going through a nasty divorce and I am so scared for my future. I have no hope in hell to make it on my own and I feel terrible. I am all alone and estranged from my only adult child too.
I feel my end is Nigh...

 

[DarkDg21]

I know how you feel. I feel somewhat the same. I have self-esteem and confidence issues too. I have had a fairly ok social circle but felt that I was not able to hold on to a job for too long too. Max I managed was a 3 year stint at one company. Then at age 35 I decided to not be an employee and managed to hide behind running my own small business for last 15 years or so but even in that time I had episodes of major depression as I struggled with running the business and keep a grip on it.
My wife held a steady job and we managed to get through life but now at age 50 I am going through a nasty divorce and I am so scared for my future. I have no hope in hell to make it on my own and I feel terrible. I am all alone and estranged from my only adult child too.
I feel my end is Nigh...

It sucks man. It's beyond demoralizing and depressing not being able to support your own being. I'm really sorry that you're going through rough times as well.

 

[Need2Escape]

I wonder if there is medical term for this.

It sucks man. It's beyond demoralizing and depressing not being able to support your own being. I'm really sorry that you're going through rough times as well

 

[miserableforever]

What would you think of a 32 year old man who hasn't been able to keep a job for more than 6 months in his entire life?
Well, that's me. I feel extremely ashamed and useless, my self-esteem/self- respect is non - existent.
I'm a burden to my mother and brother. Not being able to help them pay for bills and food is f***ing me up emotionally and mentally .
My depression, mood swings and social anxiety have destroyed my dreams of a normal life, having friends, experiencing love, pretty much being a normal human being is all I asked for and wanted in my life.
Not having social skills and being an absolute dumb person without a personality thanks to my demons in my head is a torture that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I was sexually abused when I was 5, and I always wondered if that's what messed me up.
People around me judge me because they see someone who's healthy and physically "attractive" and expect so much from me but I can't meet such expectations...
What's the point of going on when I can't properly function in society? I wish I had a physical disability instead of a broken mind and soul.

You sound so much like me, it's unreal. I cant figure it out either. I have no work visa where I live and I don't know how to get by besides side gigs. Cant afford to go home either. Been away for many years and stuck here. Even if, my social anxiety has gotten so bad that I can't function normally. I know exactly how you feel.

 

[$nowLeopard]

Shouldn't have fucked around until your 30s

 

[miserableforever]

Shouldn't have fucked around until your 30s

We come here to use this forum as our safe space to say things we can't say anywhere else. Please be nice.

 

[Rational man]

'Normal life' ...not sure what that is.. !?

Do you think some people are judging you against their own standards and high bar expectations !? You make a good job of self judgement too.!.

So you can change things. But you may need some help and time doing it.

Be kind to you.

 

[miserableforever]

View attachment 79102
He's not a child.
He needs to stop wasting his time. I suspect he is in-between wanting to live or deciding on killing himself. He either needs to choose one or the other (not advocating anything), or he'll end up like pic.

He can't. That's why he's here.. I'm just saying, no one should be judging things they don't understand.

 

[DarkDg21]

I forgot to mention that I used to prostitute myself until my 30s, im currently living with my mom but I fucking hate myself for not being able to work. I have no energy whatsoever.

View attachment 79102
He's not a child.
He needs to stop wasting his time. I suspect he is in-between wanting to live or deciding on killing himself. He either needs to choose one or the other (not advocating anything), or he'll end up like pic.

To be honest, you're right. I need to make up my mind. Either gather enough mental energy/ strength and work or just end myself asap.

He can't. That's why he's here.. I'm just saying, no one should be judging things they don't understand.

Thank you.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

View attachment 79102
He's not a child.
He needs to stop wasting his time. I suspect he is in-between wanting to live or deciding on killing himself. He either needs to choose one or the other (not advocating anything), or he'll end up like pic.

That will be my future if i don't ctb. So I'm already planning ctb asap.

 

[$nowLeopard]

That will be my future if i don't ctb. So I'm already planning ctb asap.

I hope you find peace.

 

[itsallover]

Try being told you're a fuck up and a loser every single day of your shitty life just because you got sick after medical negligence.