Venting i'm no one's favorite person

[fishlover]

i've always had a favorite person- sometimes theyre my favorite for weeks, months, even years. i always think about them when i'm sad, when i'm lonely. sometimes ALL i can think about is them, their name rolling around my head over and over. i want to talk to them every second, be with them every second. i want to know what theyre doing at all times, so much so i wish i could crawl into their body and wear their skin like a suit, feel and see and think and experience everything that theyre doing, at every moment and second of the day.

but it always ends once the fantasy is over. when i realize that theyll never care about me as much as i do them. it hurts so much every time, like im losing a piece of myself. and then, i have no purpose, like in those weeks and months and years i was only existing for them. and no one, NO ONE will ever think of me the same way.

 

[Seered Doom]

This is one of the most relatable posts on this website and I feel so sorry that you have to go through this, OP

 

[F&Inside]

Hello fishlover.
Sometimes we focus on people who don't deserve our time. I hope you find that special person who matches you. Focus on that, if you see that you are not reciprocated, let them go and go for another one.
Good luck.

 

[manuel1056x]

I feel that too I think. I don't know exactly what type of people you mean. I'm assuming you mean people from your everyday life. In that case I agree with you 100%. I'm also 100% sure that no one really thinks about me (except maybe family). That is exhausting. .I'd like to pretend I don't give a shit about other people, but that doesn't work. In the end, I'm always the one who's disappointed. And who will be forgotten. .

 

[jnpx321]

So are you a university student now?
How about the relationship with you and your classmates?

 

[fishlover]

So are you a university student now?
How about the relationship with you and your classmates?

i am. but my classes are all online at the moment, so i dont have classmates or anything.
i usually dont feel this way with random classmates or strangers, its definitely always someone im close enough with. at the very least, friends.

 

[ctbestie]

ive felt bad about this before too. for most of my life, id have that one friend whom i valued the most. i loved them so much that i'd think of them as much as a lover would even if i dont exactly want to date them. something like a platonic-romantic feeling i guess. though, perhaps, im not as fixated on it as you are. however, ive come to the realization that even if i want to be their favorite person just like how they are to me, it'll never be guaranteed to stay that way, especially now that most of my friends have lovers, including my dearest friend. ive come to accept that the most i can ever keep is half of their heart or a quarter of it, and ive learned to be thankful for that. though, i felt a bit better about it and moved on cus my friend reassured me that they still loved me, and i could feel that they still held me dearly…i just dont know by how much. im hoping that we stay as close even in the future as itd hurt me too much to lose someone i held so close to my heart.

although our experiences are somewhat different, and ur pain is different from mine, i hope u can feel better knowing that someone had a similar experience. somewhere out there are a bunch of people going through the same thing. you're not alone in the pain you're feeling. though, some day, perhaps ull find someone who'll value u as much as u do to them. im hoping u do. it def hurts to be in such a situation.

 

[Old Friend]

Try being someone's favourite person and then have that taken away without warning. Not even a goodbye. Not good.

 

[jnpx321]

i am. but my classes are all online at the moment, so i dont have classmates or anything.
i usually dont feel this way with random classmates or strangers, its definitely always someone im close enough with. at the very least, friends.

Is it due to covid?
What do you major in?

 

[fishlover]

Is it due to covid?
What do you major in?

no, im just anxious.
im an art major.

 

[jnpx321]

no, im just anxious.
im an art major.

I wish you to get out of depression and loneliness

 

[dogbreath]

!!!!!!!!! I understand the whole "wish i could crawl into their body and wear their skin like a suit" feeling and its always so painful once you realize that they will never love you like you love them ....I have a habit of making someone my entire world, focusing on them only, all my goals aspirations revolve around them and it sucks cause they always end up leaving....and its hard to move on, because they WERE my life,,,, I feel like its easier to live for someone else than to live for yourself.....

 

[letmejoindeath]

i've always had a favorite person- sometimes theyre my favorite for weeks, months, even years. i always think about them when i'm sad, when i'm lonely. sometimes ALL i can think about is them, their name rolling around my head over and over. i want to talk to them every second, be with them every second. i want to know what theyre doing at all times, so much so i wish i could crawl into their body and wear their skin like a suit, feel and see and think and experience everything that theyre doing, at every moment and second of the day.

but it always ends once the fantasy is over. when i realize that theyll never care about me as much as i do them. it hurts so much every time, like im losing a piece of myself. and then, i have no purpose, like in those weeks and months and years i was only existing for them. and no one, NO ONE will ever think of me the same way.

Honestly my own parents were incapable of loving me.

Now I will NEVER know what unconditional love feels like.

The only way I will ever feel that love is if the afterlife is real and Jesus is there.

If it's not real then I won't be in pain or tired or not in my own home any more anyways.

If it is real I get unconditional love that my parents were incapable of giving. since they are Gods "children" I hope he makes them suffer for 30+ fucking years feeling the same way they made me feel and no one will be there to help them. That'll teach them that were the good people!

Ctb sounds like a win-win and staying here sounds like a lose-lose either way

 

[fishlover]

!!!!!!!!! I understand the whole "wish i could crawl into their body and wear their skin like a suit" feeling and its always so painful once you realize that they will never love you like you love them ....I have a habit of making someone my entire world, focusing on them only, all my goals aspirations revolve around them and it sucks cause they always end up leaving....and its hard to move on, because they WERE my life,,,, I feel like its easier to live for someone else than to live for yourself.....

glad you understand the feeling! and i completely agree- its so much easier