Venting I’m lying to everyone

[hipsnake]

for the past few weeks now I've been preparing for suicide. I'm unsure when it started, I don't particularly feel sad though I am suffering mentally. It's as if I don't want to live at all. I already have my method set up, and I'm writing letters to people I care for. I got to spend time with a lot of family today, and my friend as well.
I do feel guilty lying to everyone but I don't think I can be stopped. It will be soon, July perhaps is when. I've told everyone that I'm doing better and not having these thoughts, and people are happy for me. If only they knew how it really was in my mind, but I'm not sure even I understand it..but I made sure to hug my friend extra tight in case that was the last time.
my friends cat has been all over me this entire time..I think he knows

 

[leftdreaming]

You and me are in the same boat, from the guilt to the month and even the cat.

I wish I could tell my loved ones, I want them to know it isn't their fault.

 

[inmyhead]

I am exactly the same as you. Although my next time is whenever I get a free minute to do it. Need to ensure it's long enough that I am not discovered. Can't decide if I should wait until July or seize my opportunity next Tuesday when I have the house to myself. People will be traumatised either way.

 

[animetal]

Same here :/ I've been lying to everyone I love but I just feel so terrible about it. There's no way for me to live a normal life now but I don't want people to worry about me so I've just been hiding everything

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[hipsnake]

You and me are in the same boat, from the guilt to the month and even the cat.

I wish I could tell my loved ones, I want them to know it isn't their fault.

It's like cats are able to tell

What's your method?

partially suspended hanging

I am exactly the same as you. Although my next time is whenever I get a free minute to do it. Need to ensure it's long enough that I am not discovered. Can't decide if I should wait until July or seize my opportunity next Tuesday when I have the house to myself. People will be traumatised either way.

I hope the best for you, whatever choice you make.

 

[leftdreaming]

partially suspended hanging

Dang, are we the same person? This is getting scary now.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly for the best not to tell people about plans to die anyway, so you shouldn't feel guilty, as being open about suicide could very easily just make existing much worse as sadly we exist in a society that punishes people who open up about wanting to die, it sounds horrible being punished by ending up in a psych ward. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans, I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[hipsnake]

It's certainly for the best not to tell people about plans to die anyway, so you shouldn't feel guilty, as being open about suicide could very easily just make existing much worse as sadly we exist in a society that punishes people who open up about wanting to die, it sounds horrible being punished by ending up in a psych ward. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans, I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find freedom from your suffering.

yeah the psych ward is big fear of mine as I've been there before..doesn't help at all

 

[woh6]

Sorry to hear this is happening. I know you feel guilty but it's probably for the best. Wish you well.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry that life has become this unbearable. I totally understand. We can't tell people we want to end our lives.
It just makes things worse. Then you are watched. I hope you can find freedom from this horrible world.

 

[lazyegg]

in the same boat as you as well. worse part is that im experiencing anhedonia so im currently extremely numb from seeing how this will hurt everyone. it helps carrying out the plan but i just feel guilty that i dont feel anything. :,(

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

I hope you find peace.

 

[hipsnake]

I've written goodbye letters now, all that is left is to finish preparing