Im letting someone who doesnt know i exist ruin my life

[phem___]

i let my boyfriends ex control my mind, shes in there rent free and we have never even met, this is just me being fucking insane, he never mentions her but every time i see any kind of media that i know she likes it makes me emotional to the point of going nonverbal, i keep like looking at her accounts, they are private so im not even seeing anything it just drives me insane, im litteraly letting someone who hates my boyfriend and doesnt know i exist control my life

 

[U. A.]

Why?

 

[deathwish]

It's great that you know. Getting away from it is possible.

 

[phem___]

idk i dont rlly care about any of his other exes i think its because they dated for over a year and shes the only ex ive never met?

It's great that you know. Getting away from it is possible.

im trying so hard but it seems impossible right now, its been eating at me multiple times a day for nearly a month now

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

It will go away after a while. Give it time and let it play out. It's understandable that you would feel this way. Totally normal if you asked me.

 

[phem___]

It will go away after a while. Give it time and let it play out. It's understandable that you would feel this way. Totally normal if you asked me.

i really hope, weve been dating for over a year now and its only gotten worse i used to be completely fine with this stuff, im just a mess i guess

 

[deathwish]

It will go away after a while. Give it time and let it play out. It's understandable that you would feel this way. Totally normal if you asked me.

Personally I don't think it's normal at all; her fixation seems strange, unhealthy, and if someone I was dating was behaving in such a way, it'd be a massive, massive red flag. But again... self-awareness is critical, phem has that, so she can work on moving on. Maybe try deleting the SNS you're using to stare at her pages, SNS is harmful all around anyway.

 

[phem___]

Personally I don't think it's normal at all; her fixation seems strange, unhealthy, and if someone I was dating was behaving in such a way, it'd be a massive, massive red flag. But again... self-awareness is critical, phem has that, so she can work on moving on. Maybe try deleting the SNS you're using to stare at her pages, SNS is harmful all around anyway.

im not even on social media im fucking insane im litteraly looking at her steam and spotify i kinda need those, i know im fucking insane i get it i just have no one i can talk to about this

 

[deathwish]

im not even on social media im fucking insane im litteraly looking at her steam and spotify i kinda need those, i know im fucking insane i get it i just have no one i can talk to about this

Oh okay, well that's better than SNS lol. And hey, you can talk to us, you are, you're doin good

 

[phem___]

Oh okay, well that's better than SNS lol. And hey, you can talk to us, you are, you're doin good

thanks, i just wish i could like stop thinking about her, everyones advice is like "oh just ignore them" ok? how? tf? try leaving a dog in a room with a cake he'll end up eating it eventually, i have no self control i dont work like that yk

 

[deathwish]

thanks, i just wish i could like stop thinking about her, everyones advice is like "oh just ignore them" ok? how? tf? try leaving a dog in a room with a cake he'll end up eating it eventually, i have no self control i dont work like that yk

The way you say you work seems like a problem. I'd have to advise you work on that, though ofc I know how massive a task that would be, and to say it so simply here sounds preposterous. But versus the alternative--continuing, letting yourself do this--it seems the only way. Seriously, rather than address the symptom--you say you may be fixated because you haven't met her, so in theory you could relax if perhaps you met her--I think tackling the compulsion to think so much about her to begin with needs solving. but as an internet rando, i sure do don't know how to do that~ A professional may know!

Aside from a pro, the only solution that presents itself is good old-fashioned self-analysis but ofc that is hard and pros can be a second opinion to make it easier

 

[phem___]

I will never be able to meet this person, im sure it would help if i could.
i just dont know what to do, blocking isnt enough my brain knows i can just go around it ive been thinking about just getting rid of all of my tech or something for a bit

 

[deathwish]

You ignored everything I said lol-

Don't address the symptoms! Look into your brain, ask yourself why you do this and that, ask if it's rational, if it's reasonable, and if it isn't, come up with a plan you can follow to begin stopping. You're not a dog, right?

 

[phem___]

You ignored everything I said lol-

Don't address the symptoms! Look into your brain, ask yourself why you do this and that, ask if it's rational, if it's reasonable, and if it isn't, come up with a plan you can follow to begin stopping. You're not a dog, right?

from my initial post i aknowledged i was insane, i know its not rational, im not trying to avaluate myself, im just simply unable to stop myself from thinking about her

 

[deathwish]

I was operating under the assumption that you had an interest in acting rationally so my bad for the mistake. Hope it gets better, sounds like you're on a positive path trying to move past it