I’m killing myself this weekend hopefully..scared to death

[Powderedmonster]

I can't tell you the number of times I've failed hanging. With partial suspension my SI always kicks in right before I pass out and I've never been ballsy enough to jump off full suspension, even though I've tested full suspension off a place where I could stand. My N is getting here next week but if it's intercepted by customs like other people on here, I'm fucked. So I need to hang myself this weekend while my parents are away. I won't get this opportunity again for a long long time. I only have 3 nights. It's gonna scare the shit out of me to end my life and I'm worried I won't be able to do it. But I need to do it this weekend. Reading stories about people who are concerned they'll never be able to kill themselves on here scares the shit out of me. Im hanging myself from my backyard this weekend, either tonight tomorrow or Sunday and that'll be the end of me. Using alcohol for SI and a towel for padding. Doing full. Any tips/input?

 

[Guizin239]

I don't think you can encourage people to commit suicide here. It's against the rules, and probably against the law. I hope you find peace.

 

[woxihuanni]

My heart aches, couldn't you get something else that is almost as peaceful as N? Nobody should die terrified.

 

[color_me_gone]

We don't encourage anybody to ctb.
That is not the intention of this forum.
This site is pro-choice, which means if you want to die, it must be YOUR choice, not ours, so no encouragement from us.
Alcohol is a good choice to overcome SI, it frees up inhibitions. Just don't drink too much.
@woxihuanni is correct about using a more peaceful method.
SN is easy to get, cheap, and works almost as good as N.
I hope you can achieve what you wish.

 

[Powderedmonster]

We don't encourage anybody to ctb.
That is not the intention of this forum.
This site is pro-choice, which means if you want to die, it must be YOUR choice, not ours, so no encouragement from us.
Alcohol is a good choice to overcome SI, it frees up inhibitions. Just don't drink too much.
@woxihuanni is correct about using a more peaceful method.
SN is easy to get, cheap, and works almost as good as N.
I hope you can achieve what you wish.

Erased the part about encouragement

 

[Jean4]

Is there a reason why you have to do it now, or won't have the opportunity for a long time? It seems that you want to CTB because of timing. Not because you really want to or are ready.

 

[color_me_gone]

It seems that you want to CTB because of timing.

and rushed ctb's most often fail
it takes careful planning

 

[Powderedmonster]

Is there a reason why you have to do it now, or won't have the opportunity for a long time? It seems that you want to CTB because of timing. Not because you really want to or are ready.

Yeah, my parents are gone all weekend and that won't happen for an unknown amount of time. I don't want them finding my body, especially before it's dead so this is really the only weekend I can do it unless my N arrives

 

[Powderedmonster]

Update: still alive unfortunately, weather was too cold so I didn't have the motivation to do it. Tested it out from my outdoor shower and the winds were icy, I just couldn't get that burst of energy to push me over the edge this weekend because of the cold.
My N should be arriving in the next couple of weeks which gives me comfort as long as it's not intercepted, and I'm also getting ketamine in about 5 days. I guess I just need to wait now and see what happens. If I need to and I have my N I'll just take it.
Really really hating how hard it is to ctb

 

[trynacbt]

Will you do the 48h regimen before taking the N?

 

[wanttodie]

all the best to you

 

[Powderedmonster]

Will you do the 48h regimen before taking the N?

Yeah most likely

 

[Jean Améry]

If you're that scared perhaps you should postpone and at least consider another method. While society is too barbaric to allow each individual the right to choose the time and manner of their death I think we owe it to ourselves to try to ensure a humane self-chosen death.

This must be an extremely difficult time for you. I hope you find peace one way or the other.

 

[Read123456788]

Could you not set a date and book a night away for them on the date you pick? Could be a bittersweet last gift from you and gives you more time to make a more timed decision ?

 

[color_me_gone]

book a night away for them

or book a room for yourself
many do this with N

 

[Powderedmonster]

If you're that scared perhaps you should postpone and at least consider another method. While society is too barbaric to allow each individual the right to choose the time and manner of their death I think we owe it to ourselves to try to ensure a humane self-chosen death.

This must be an extremely difficult time for you. I hope you find peace one way or the other.

Thank you

Could you not set a date and book a night away for them on the date you pick? Could be a bittersweet last gift from you and gives you more time to make a more timed decision ?

Yeah I'll probably do this if everything goes right with the N and it doesn't get intercepted.

 

[color_me_gone]

Thing about N is, most failures are because either the person puked it up, or somebody found them in time to pump the stomach.
So to insure success with N, you want to follow the antiemetic routine closely.
If your parents are suspicious you booked a room, fair warning is that you can be found via your cell phone.

 

[Powderedmonster]

Thing about N is, most failures are because either the person puked it up, or somebody found them in time to pump the stomach.
So to insure success with N, you want to follow the antiemetic routine closely.
If your parents are suspicious you booked a room, fair warning is that you can be found via your cell phone.

I hope puking up N isn't likely, because I have emetophobia on top of everything else. If I follow the antiemetic regimen, I won't puke right?

 

[color_me_gone]

I won't puke right

It reduces the chances immensely, but nothing is ever guaranteed 100%.
It is the best you can do.