Venting I'm just tired of hurting

[Nanimoaru]

I look forward to the day my heart stops beating, the day where I dont have to fake a smile or crack jokes like a jester on its last legs. Like life has been hell these last 4 months. Life takes the one thing, the one fucking thing that made this shit bearable, the one fucking person who made me feel human and has the fucking audacity to want me to stay here. Ya know he would always complain that this(me feeling this way) would happen when he searched for his happiness, me reflecting on those words made me realize this shit is my fault and that I am toxic. Wounds of the heart dont heal, they spread, they fracture and crack until you have a cavity in your chest a mile wide and you feel empty inside. I think when I die, he'll finally be free to love without abandon and not have to worry about how I feel. The chains that link us will be shattered and I can move on knowing he's happy. I'm thinking on 10/2 for my exit date it gives me more than a month to prepare
Sorry for the incoherent rant

 

[Empty Smile]

I feel you. Life took the only person that mattered to me and could tolerate my mood swings, and depression. After that, it's been all downhill from there.

 

[Nanimoaru]

Dude I'm glad you understand, I've slowly but surely alienating friends in preparation for the big day

 

[Empty Smile]

I've not many people left to push away. The only people I really associate with anymore are people here. Other than that, I'm the way I like to be, left alone.

 

[Nanimoaru]

I've not many people left to push away. The only people I really associate with anymore are people here. Other than that, I'm the way I like to be, left alone.

Same!

 

[Empty Smile]

Same!

Yep... And you only have yourself to argue with!

 

[134340]

I feel this. Life just keeps kicking and stomping on you when you're already down. I wish you peace, whether you decide to ctb in October or not.

 

[Nanimoaru]

I feel this. Life just keeps kicking and stomping on you when you're already down. I wish you peace, whether you decide to ctb in October or not. ❤

Thank you so much. I want this to be my final year. I even tried to see if we could be psn buddies, i wouldn't go to his house as long as I had feelings for him. Even that was impossible for him
You know how painful it is to be written out of someone's life?
Someone who had been for best friend and lover for 7years?
I'm ready to pass on

Yep... And you only have yourself to argue with!

True!

 

[Aleksandra]

i just lost the love of my life too. i want him but he doesn't want me, and all i wish for him is to be able to find someone better and someone who will make him happy without having to think about me. i completely understand how you feel and i hope whatever you decide to do, you find happiness by the end of it

 

[Nanimoaru]

i just lost the love of my life too. i want him but he doesn't want me, and all i wish for him is to be able to find someone better and someone who will make him happy without having to think about me. i completely understand how you feel and i hope whatever you decide to do, you find happiness by the end of it

Thank you so much

 

[Aleksandra]

Thank you so much

if it helps, i'm here until you figure out your plan, whether it's to talk, or if you need a friend. no one should ever die alone.

 

[woxihuanni]

Wounds of the heart dont heal, they spread, they fracture and crack until you have a cavity in your chest a mile wide and you feel empty inside.
Sorry for the incoherent rant

Not incoherent at all. It is what it is, heartbreak just spreads. How I wish partners could heal together rather than break together.

 

[EmptySteph62]

I can relate to this so much. I left my best friend 2 years ago for similar reasons and I've just felt so empty and numb without him.
I know what it's like to have to fake smiles and laughs every day and I know how painful and exhausting it is to do so. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[woxihuanni]

I can relate to this so much. I left my best friend 2 years ago for similar reasons and I've just felt so empty and numb without him.
I know what it's like to have to fake smiles and laughs every day and I know how painful and exhausting it is to do so. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It's amazing how I have this scintillating smile when I have poison in my bag. And politely listen to conversation about stuff that I hate from the bottom of my fucking heart.

 

[who doesn't matter]

The second story that somewhat relates to mine( one away from hattrick). Well, in my case, my special person who made my life livable( my mother) is gone forever. No matter how hard I shout or cry, she will never come back. Life is beautiful you know.

 

[EmptySteph62]

It's amazing how I have this scintillating smile when I have poison in my bag. And politely listen to conversation about stuff that I hate from the bottom of my fucking heart.

Uugghh yes, it feels like my entire life is a poorly stitched together lie and the only truth is the pain I feel.

 

[woxihuanni]

Uugghh yes, it feels like my entire life is a poorly stitched together lie and the only truth is the pain I feel.

Precisely.