I'm just so tired.

[Stroopwafel.]

First of all I wanna say I'm really glad I found this forum. In the past few days I've been reading a lot of posts and it's really really good to see so many people who help each other out and are there for each other. I think everyone on here knows how hard it can be to talk about suicide in real life, because people just don't understand, and many of them even don't want to understand. It's really nice to see there is a safe place to talk about this.

My life has never been really easy, but it was 'okay' I guess. Until about 4-5 years ago. My mental health issues became worse and worse. The mental health care in my country is extremely bad and they have damaged me a lot. I've had suicidal thoughts for many years now. I'm just so tired of life and I'm so done with it. Every day I feel more and more ready to leave this place forever. I HATE this place. I always have. Humans are just terrible creatures and I've had enough. I don't wanna be around them for another 50 years. Life has always been completely meaningless to me and I've never understood the point of life tbh. I think I was just waiting for the moment to really realize this and decide I don't wanna be around any longer.

A few years ago I have tried to end my life, but I had no idea what I was doing so of course I woke up in the hospital. I never ever want that to happen again, so I've been doing a lot of research. Recently I decided the method I wanna use. I wanna order N. But at this point I'm a bit hesitant, because of everything that has happened with A in the past few months. So I'm not really sure what I wanna do right now. I've been looking into many other methods as well, but none of them really have my interest so far.

Not really any questions here, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts.

 

[Thereisnothing]

First of all I wanna say I'm really glad I found this forum. In the past few days I've been reading a lot of posts and it's really really good to see so many people who help each other out and are there for each other. I think everyone on here knows how hard it can be to talk about suicide in real life, because people just don't understand, and many of them even don't want to understand. It's really nice to see there is a safe place to talk about this.

My life has never been really easy, but it was 'okay' I guess. Until about 4-5 years ago. My mental health issues became worse and worse. The mental health care in my country is extremely bad and they have damaged me a lot. I've had suicidal thoughts for many years now. I'm just so tired of life and I'm so done with it. Every day I feel more and more ready to leave this place forever. I HATE this place. I always have. Humans are just terrible creatures and I've had enough. I don't wanna be around them for another 50 years. Life has always been completely meaningless to me and I've never understood the point of life tbh. I think I was just waiting for the moment to really realize this and decide I don't wanna be around any longer.

A few years ago I have tried to end my life, but I had no idea what I was doing so of course I woke up in the hospital. I never ever want that to happen again, so I've been doing a lot of research. Recently I decided the method I wanna use. I wanna order N. But at this point I'm a bit hesitant, because of everything that has happened with A in the past few months. So I'm not really sure what I wanna do right now. I've been looking into many other methods as well, but none of them really have my interest so far.

Not really any questions here, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts.

Hello, welcome and also am pleased you found the forum. I was interested to read what you had to say so thank you for sharing that. I dont know where you live in the world, but some places have truly awful mental health services/care, I know its very bad in UK.
I am similar, I dont wish to be here anymore yet cant fathom out a good method which I would feel comfortable in using. Sometimes I get desperate and think just do it in haste and try anything, but that would probably not be a good move. I am so empty and dont wish to be here, yet then I cant end my life either, its often makes me so confused. There is one method am researching which might be ok to try, but still not sure. As I have very severe health problems alot of methods I couldn't do anyway. I am here as we are all if you need any advice, help, just to off load or say 'hi'. Again thanks for posting. xx

 

[Stroopwafel.]

Hello, welcome and also am pleased you found the forum. I was interested to read what you had to say so thank you for sharing that. I dont know where you live in the world, but some places have truly awful mental health services/care, I know its very bad in UK.
I am similar, I dont wish to be here anymore yet cant fathom out a good method which I would feel comfortable in using. Sometimes I get desperate and think just do it in haste and try anything, but that would probably not be a good move. I am so empty and dont wish to be here, yet then I cant end my life either, its often makes me so confused. There is one method am researching which might be ok to try, but still not sure. As I have very severe health problems alot of methods I couldn't do anyway. I am here as we are all if you need any advice, help, just to off load or say 'hi'. Again thanks for posting. xx

Thank you very much.
I'm from the Netherlands, and mental health care is extremely bad here as well. I've tried many things until it came to the point where they didn't even wanna help me anymore. At this point I don't want their help anymore, because I'm 100% done with life. But it's just unbelievable how they refuse to help people like me, like literally refuse.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and I hope you will eventually find a way which you feel comfortable with. I really understand the desperate feeling. I've tried to end my life twice when I was in a desperate state and I didn't think things through. I would really not recommend doing that, even though sometimes it seems like a good solution.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your problems. I hope you can get something positive out of the site. People will listen here and you won't be judged.

 

[MysticPerception]

I really feel you on that one. Being alive for another 50 years sounds like hell. This forum has really helped me feel better while I'm waiting to ctb though so at least there's that. I hope you find a method that suits you if N doesn't work out and I hope the forum continues to help you share your feelings as well.

 

[Csmith8827]

Dude join the club! I walk down the street cursing like a sailor everyday. But to be honest human beings are fine IT'S ALIENS you have to look out for. There the terrible/evil ones IMO....

 

[Xaphous]

Feel the same with that outlook myself. Sorry you found mh services to be terrible, they suck on purpose it seems to the point where people give up on them. Awful everytime I hear they've let another down, hope you find better support here.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Welcome to the group!

Strangely enough I had a dream about Stroopwafels 3 days ago! I'm in the UK, never had one or anything, so bizarre.

My best advice to you here is ask lots of questions, you can guarantee someone will understand and offer advice.
Love and peace ❤

 

[Stroopwafel.]

@Underscore thank you. I'm so glad I found a place where people won't judge me.

@MysticPerception thank you. And with a bit of bad luck, it would even be more than 50 years. I'm glad to hear this forum helps you feel a bit better. It's great there is a place like this.

@Csmith8827 thank you. I guess 99% of the people are aliens then?

@Xaphous thank you. Yes it's very sad to hear all the stories about bad mental health care. I just feel like they make things worse for SO many people and that just terrible.

@MsMaudlin thank you. Haha that's a bizarre dream! Stroopwafels are good tho, you should try them.

Thanks everyone for being so nice already. It means a lot to me.

 

[Carrotcake]

I was a bit confused when I read your post, It could have been mine I'm Dutch too, a lover of stroopwafels, and my experiences in mental health-care are similar. Liefs

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Hello and welcome to the forum. You will find much info and love here. I'm sorry about all your troubles. Hugs.

 

[Stroopwafel.]

@Carrotcake who doesn't love stroopwafels? I'm sorry to hear your experiences with mental health care are bad as well. It's just so sad how bad things are here.

@Throwmyselfaway thank you very much.

 

[Csmith8827]

@Stroopwafel1 -they LITERALLY are.

 

[Trjan]

I'm here if you ever need to talk.