heirofvoid
Member
- Dec 20, 2021
- 71
After weeks of chickening out from job interviews, I finally went to one today. I went with no preparation at all because that's what made me so anxious when I was applying before. So, I thought fuck it let's go without preparing for anything and just get that experience.
I ended up looking stupid lol. I didn't have most of the requirements needed and the interviewer was shocked that I wasn't working on them. I literally had no idea that I should be getting those documents even while applying. She carefully explained how applying works but I can tell that she was irritated because I didn't know shit about applying at all. Most people I asked told me to lie on my resume but turns out I'm the worst at lying so I fumbled a lot. I also let it slip that I didn't know what to do with my life and she asked "Why should we even hire you if you don't know what to do with your life?" I froze for like seconds like DAMN I'M SORRY I'M NOT NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. I honestly don't expect to hear back from them since I was a stupid mess earlier so I really just went for that experience.
I can tell that I have to lie in future interviews but it's so hard for me. It's so hard to act like a normal person. I literally don't have any long term goals nor any dreams. I am just here because I cannot CTB at all. That's just it. I'm just trying to fit in. I feel like even if I did finish college I would look dumb like I am right now. I don't feel like I can be an adult at all and I just can't see what is my life worth living for. I kept saying this for every inconvenience but I hope I can just CTB before this month ends. I don't care how painful it will get. I just can't stand being alive with nothing to live for. Every time I get asked about my future, I just don't have any answer! I don't see myself anywhere! I'm not even good at anything. Like the things I think I'm good at, someone's obviously better at it. I just don't have anything special to show.
Some people told me to get into a trade but I don't like any of them either. It'll be the same case as college where I'll just take whatever course is available even though I don't like it nor am I good at it. What if I just repeat what I did in college and drop again? I know I should be thankful that I can even get an education but honestly I just don't know why I'm doing all of these other than to pretend that I'm like everybody else.
Even if I did get into a trade I'll have to pay for my tuition so I have to get a job first. I'll also need my own place because I don't want my family to know that I'm taking a 2 year course instead. They'll look down on me.
I am so tired. I feel like I'm just not cut out for this. Why the fuck was I even born and why am I still alive when I have no contributions to the world at all?
I ended up looking stupid lol. I didn't have most of the requirements needed and the interviewer was shocked that I wasn't working on them. I literally had no idea that I should be getting those documents even while applying. She carefully explained how applying works but I can tell that she was irritated because I didn't know shit about applying at all. Most people I asked told me to lie on my resume but turns out I'm the worst at lying so I fumbled a lot. I also let it slip that I didn't know what to do with my life and she asked "Why should we even hire you if you don't know what to do with your life?" I froze for like seconds like DAMN I'M SORRY I'M NOT NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. I honestly don't expect to hear back from them since I was a stupid mess earlier so I really just went for that experience.
I can tell that I have to lie in future interviews but it's so hard for me. It's so hard to act like a normal person. I literally don't have any long term goals nor any dreams. I am just here because I cannot CTB at all. That's just it. I'm just trying to fit in. I feel like even if I did finish college I would look dumb like I am right now. I don't feel like I can be an adult at all and I just can't see what is my life worth living for. I kept saying this for every inconvenience but I hope I can just CTB before this month ends. I don't care how painful it will get. I just can't stand being alive with nothing to live for. Every time I get asked about my future, I just don't have any answer! I don't see myself anywhere! I'm not even good at anything. Like the things I think I'm good at, someone's obviously better at it. I just don't have anything special to show.
Some people told me to get into a trade but I don't like any of them either. It'll be the same case as college where I'll just take whatever course is available even though I don't like it nor am I good at it. What if I just repeat what I did in college and drop again? I know I should be thankful that I can even get an education but honestly I just don't know why I'm doing all of these other than to pretend that I'm like everybody else.
Even if I did get into a trade I'll have to pay for my tuition so I have to get a job first. I'll also need my own place because I don't want my family to know that I'm taking a 2 year course instead. They'll look down on me.
I am so tired. I feel like I'm just not cut out for this. Why the fuck was I even born and why am I still alive when I have no contributions to the world at all?