Venting I'm jumping in 2 days

[protocoltwentytwo]

11 storeys onto gravel (abandoned construction site) at 6 AM. I'm writing this as I my chest feels like it's collapsing on itself. At this point I want to do it to stop thinking about doing it or not. I'm so tired that I feel I have nothing more to say. Using this to try to ease the pain. Sorry for wasting your time. If I don't post again in a week or so assume I'm gone.

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry that life has brought you to this point

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

I am so sorry that life has brought you to this point

It's all good, I will find my way, and I hope the universe reciprocates your good will.

 

[shatteredspine]

I completely understand where you're at. I hate it when people try to dissuade me so I won't do that to you. I am really sorry that you are suffering and I wish that you could find some relief without reaching this point. I genuinely don't recommend this method. As you can see in my name and my profile picture I'm disabled. I shattered some of my spine using this method. I also traumatized a lot of people and I have a lot of guilt for that. I met the police officer that tried to talk me down and witnessed it all. I have never seen an officer crumble like that before. He showed up to my house to get information for my sister that was in crisis and as soon as he took my name and realized who I was he started sobbing and asked me for a hug. That was 6 years after and I have nightmares about that moment. There are a lot less violent and risky methods. I bought the book final exit and I recommend reading that.


I genuinely hope that you find some relief. I don't know what your religious beliefs are but I am praying for you. That's from a completely non-judgmental stance, as I too, am here on this forum. Whatever your decision, I wish you peace and success. I hope that you're okay

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

I completely understand where you're at. I hate it when people try to dissuade me so I won't do that to you. I am really sorry that you are suffering and I wish that you could find some relief without reaching this point. I genuinely don't recommend this method. As you can see in my name and my profile picture I'm disabled. I shattered some of my spine using this method. I also traumatized a lot of people and I have a lot of guilt for that. I met the police officer that tried to talk me down and witnessed it all. I have never seen an officer crumble like that before. He showed up to my house to get information for my sister that was in crisis and as soon as he took my name and realized who I was he started sobbing and asked me for a hug. That was 6 years after and I have nightmares about that moment. There are a lot less violent and risky methods. I bought the book final exit and I recommend reading that.


I genuinely hope that you find some relief. I don't know what your religious beliefs are but I am praying for you. That's from a completely non-judgmental stance, as I too, am here on this forum. Whatever your decision, I wish you peace and success. I hope that you're okay

Thanks for you kind message, you're a real soldier and wish you the best, I tried starting a private chat but I don't really know how to use this site, if you can pm me I'd be really grateful

 

[darksouls]

Thanks for you kind message, you're a real soldier and wish you the best, I tried starting a private chat but I don't really know how to use this site, if you can pm me I'd be really grateful

you have to post more then the privat chat will be unlocked

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

you have to post more then the privat chat will be unlocked

I managed to create a conversation, is that private?

 

[darksouls]

I managed to create a conversation, is that private?

yes this is the first chat that will be activated

 

[rozeske]

Jumping has variables that are unpredictable and the failure can be gruesome. I hope you can reconsider your method or even better your decision. But if you have thought it through I wish you only peace.

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

Jumping has variables that are unpredictable and the failure can be gruesome. I hope you can reconsider your method or even better your decision. But if you have thought it through I wish you only peace.

I appreciate your thoughts, I have read online that after a certain height variables become miniscule, that after after a certain height the body is not designed to withstand the deceleration. I've read studies that say 8 storeys are almost always fatal, and that seems to be the consensus with everything I've read and 11 storeys seems like enough insurance, if you have information that contradict this I'd be happy to hear you out. Thanks for taking the time I wish you the best too

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I'm sorry you had to choose this. It's possible that SI gets huge when jumping. Whatever you finally decide I hope you find peace.

Spoiler: for users other than OP

I think that jumping from 11 stories is enough fatal. I understand some users have concerns, I respectfully disagree.

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

I'm sorry you had to choose this. It's possible that SI gets huge when jumping. Whatever you finally decide I hope you find peace.

Spoiler: for users other than OP

I think that jumping from 11 stories is enough fatal. I understand some users have concerns, I respectfully disagree.

Yeah I've gone to the site twice, and it's indescribable compared to talking about it. Every time I went there and didn't do it telling myself there's room for things to get better, but things naturally became worse than I thought imaginable before. I've come to terms that my brain is using this line of thinking to protect me just for survival sake, but I plan on doing it in spite of my thinking, again like you said it's easier said than done but I'm just so over things that this time I'm convinced this is the only way going forward. Thanks for your concerns kind stranger

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering in this cruel, painful existence, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[Irisse]

I wish you a departure as peaceful and painless as possible.

 

[searchingforpeace]

I give you a lot of credit for having the courage to do that

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering in this cruel, painful existence, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.

Thanks for the kind words

I wish you a departure as peaceful and painless as possible.

Nice of you to say, thank you

I give you a lot of credit for having the courage to do that

I Haven't pulled it off yet, but I'm hoping I can get it over with. Nevertheless thanks for the kind words

 

[Alexandra_]

I hope you can get rid of your suffering. I wish you good luck

 

[protocoltwentytwo]

I hope you can get rid of your suffering. I wish you good luck

Likewise