I'm jealous of those that do it

[missingpeace]

Been watching suicide videos and I'm jealous of the people that make a decision to ctb and just go through with it. How easy they make it look and how peaceful they seem after death has come to them. I'm still in hell struggling with my damn SI and other health problems that keep getting in the way of my goal. I know if I'm determined I can do it but someone will have to hold a gun to my head to go through with it. Every day all throughout the day I keep wishing death upon myself, my suffering doesn't stop because my sickness never stops. It's already night, I'm tired and I guess I will just have to try again tomorrow..try try try again till the job is done.

 

[Viranamari]

I agree. People who were able to CTB were not only courageous to do so but are free from this rotting world. They were able to overcome their survival instinct and finally found peace. Its hard not to be jealous of them.

 

[froggy_enjoyer]

I feel bad for them because they were in so much pain that they had to do something risky to themself because every non-agonizing suicide method is criminalized. A lot of them die in pain, and a lot of people try but fail. That being said I also feel bad for those that are stuck here and in pain because they don't want to put themself through a potentially agonizing death.

 

[FuneralCry]

I very much envy those who left this world and the courage that they had. It certainly does make suicide seem so much easier when you hear of people managing to succeed. And I just think that it's something so admirable to manage to overcome all of the complications and difficulties involved in ctb, in this pro suffering society where we are all programmed to survive. Permanent non existence is what I see as being ideal as nobody can be harmed by it unlike existing in this world, so of course it's understandable being envious of those that are free from this hellish world, as they are now incapable of being tortured by life.