Im in so much agony but i cant bring myself to die

[Helpmeplease]

Please help kill me i bought the antiemetic but I changed my mind and threw it away at the pharmacy. Why did i do that?!
My agony is every second.

 

[I screwed up]

I can understand ur SI buddy ... Its a real bitch. Its because of SI I am here too ..

 

[SunnyPotato]

Yup, same here, walking that tightrope between SI/morbid curiosity about what new hell tomorrow will bring, and wishing I ctb long ago. Or any of the times since. Sorry you're hurting so bad.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Can you buy more at another pharmacy?

 

[muffin222]

I think a lot of us on here are in the same boat :(

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Really sorry to hear that you are being held prisoner by SI.

 

[Fedrea]

Please help kill me i bought the antiemetic but I changed my mind and threw it away at the pharmacy. Why did i do that?!
My agony is every second.

Maybe part of your mind is telling you it is not time yet. As long as drugs are available and you're physically able the option is there, so some might argue it is well to pause if you have doubts

 

[profoundexperience]

i bought the antiemetic but I changed my mind and threw it away at the pharmacy. Why did i do that?!

What you're going through is normal: It can be a very difficult thing to plan, prepare and ultimately "do it".

I've been suicidal for over a decade and very serious for over a year. Hopefully it will happen soon (I am making a lot more progress getting ready recently)... but I've set a date and then just let that date pass dozens of times.

So, like I said, it's normal.

My agony is every second.

Me too. Maybe not "every second" (I've been pretty good at distracting myself from my agony with trivialities).

I wish you freedom from your suffering!

 

[I screwed up]

Setting a date to ctb is also become my fav activity I feel ... Keep chickening out every time . so OP its completely normal bro to back out

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I can't even got a hold of an AE, so I'm super jealous. I understand the effect of SI, though. I do have a "go bag," though. It has all the things I need when I'm ready. It's stored away somewhere safe. I don't have to think about it all the time, but I know it's there. It's comforting to know I have it. I don't think there's a need to be scared of it quite yet. Believe me, as someone who's been through it twice - you get scared enough when you're going through the regimen. If you're able to get it again, just try to put it away in a safe place, ready for when you think the time is right.