I've put myself in similar situations. I feel for you so I have some advice. Sleep in your car tonight. If the SN won't arrive for several weeks then put on a fake smile go back home and lie about wanting to live until it shows up.
I'm still here, couldn't make it, tried a lot of times with my belt but that shit aint work. Didn't come back to home either. I'm done, there's no other option for me. Thanks for your messages, really appreciate.
I hope you are doing all right. If you do decide to CTB please make sure you do so in a way that is thought out so you don't make things worse for yourself. We are all here for you if you need people to talk to you are not alone.
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