Venting I'm impatient

[loveable_lamb]

Hey, today was awful. I miss my best friend so much. I cried a bit, but I mostly feel empty. Quite literally cuz of all the throwing up and diarrhea caused by my emotions. Also thought of JustHere1. I know I'm on a damn suicide forum, but seeing people go is difficult.

Cleaned some more today. Probably another wash will clear the pile of clothes in my bathroom. It's starting to look presentable again. Now that my dorm is nearly clean, I'm on the last roll of toilet paper and my fridge is getting empty, I'm getting impatient. I just really wanna go now but I'm still waiting for the Kraken account to get verified... It's weird sustaining yourself when you want to die

Oh, and I started rewatching The End of the Fucking World to kill some time

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I'm so sorry for your lost and your emotional state during this. It freaky hurts loosing people. I know how it feels and truly would never want this on anyone. I, myself, hate dealing with the thought of sustaining myself and supporting my own death, too.

You are stronger pushing through another day after loosing someone so valuable to you and hope more than anything you can hug them tonight if you can in your memories of their life. Memories are valuable, even though… it's not as real like this world… it's much realistic to hold on to something to fight through the day.

When is your date?

Hope your okay?

Wanna talk?

I sadly may be here for awhile

 

[loveable_lamb]

I'm so sorry for your lost and your emotional state during this. It freaky hurts loosing people. I know how it feels and truly would never want this on anyone. I, myself, hate dealing with the thought of sustaining myself and supporting my own death, too.

You are stronger pushing through another day after loosing someone so valuable to you and hope more than anything you can hug them tonight if you can in your memories of their life. Memories are valuable, even though… it's not as real like this world… it's much realistic to hold on to something to fight through the day.

When is your date?

Hope your okay?

Wanna talk?

I sadly may be here for awhile

Thanks for the reply. Just wanna clarify that my best friend isn't dead. We're just not talking anymore...

I don't have a date yet. I'd say asap. February 11th is my ultimatum but I'm still waiting for my materials so hopefully they'll arrive in time.
I'm always open for a chat. Feeling quite lonely ngl.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Thanks for the reply. Just wanna clarify that my best friend isn't dead. We're just not talking anymore...

I don't have a date yet. I'd say asap. February 11th is my ultimatum but I'm still waiting for my materials so hopefully they'll arrive in time.
I'm always open for a chat. Feeling quite lonely ngl.

They ghosted you?!?! So rude!!

Oh, gosh, you're living my dream hehe. I hope you make it out and please share anything you may want to.

I hope they respond back but that still hurts if they just avoid confrontation in general unless there were a reason. Gosh, why are people so difficult

And same here.

For me, perhaps end of Summer. I want to watch Squid Game 3, too, as I will be saying goodbye when I depart into my next universe in my happier life.

For me, SN.

What about you?

And same here. ((:

I am not fully lonely though, more so numb (and perhaps tired… I can't even watch anything I was suppose to finish and thinking about Jentry Chau so much and wonder when I'd be kissed by a boy still :((). I am naturally a lonely person, but I do love intimacy and company very much.

 

[loveable_lamb]

They ghosted you?!?! So rude!!

Oh, gosh, you're living my dream hehe. I hope you make it out and please share anything you may want to.

I hope they respond back but that still hurts if they just avoid confrontation in general unless there were a reason. Gosh, why are people so difficult

And same here.

For me, perhaps end of Summer. I want to watch Squid Game 3, too, as I will be saying goodbye when I depart into my next universe in my happier life.

For me, SN.

What about you?

And same here. ((:

I am not fully lonely though, more so numb (and perhaps tired… I can't even watch anything I was suppose to finish and thinking about Jentry Chau so much and wonder when I'd be kissed by a boy still :((). I am naturally a lonely person, but I do love intimacy and company very much.

No, he didn't ghost me. If you want the full picture, it's best that you read my first thread. Briefly explained our friendship got really toxic from both sides. He felt restricted in his life by how clingy I got (I have bpd). And he just kept reminding me of the pain from these last few months everytime I looked him in the eyes. So we mutually agreed to go no-contact.

If I am living your dream then you must sleep very badly...

I will not be watching something while I die, but right before I'll rewatch Her one last time. I'll be going for heroin.

My loneliness mainly comes from not having any friends/contacts beside that best friend that I have no contact with. His mom is still looking out for me, and so are my parents but that's it. I spend everyday just waiting for someone to text me

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

No, he didn't ghost me. If you want the full picture, it's best that you read my first thread. Briefly explained our friendship got really toxic from both sides. He felt restricted in his life by how clingy I got (I have bpd). And he just kept reminding me of the pain from these last few months everytime I looked him in the eyes. So we mutually agreed to go no-contact.

If I am living your dream then you must sleep very badly...

I will not be watching something while I die, but right before I'll rewatch Her one last time. I'll be going for heroin.

My loneliness mainly comes from not having any friends/contacts beside that best friend that I have no contact with. His mom is still looking out for me, and so are my parents but that's it. I spend everyday just waiting for someone to text me

Read through everything…
Oh, gosh, it doesn't say what happened?!?

Perhaps, I missed it again. ADHD brain >_<

I had reread your forums three times so I didn't miss anything ((:

Ah, also, that's okay. I can understand the frustration and how it must've been. I'm glad he's alive. I just hope nothing goes wrong this time with you finding someone who will support you.

Ah, I will support you if you ever want. I basically like company and you have BPD, right? I understand and oh gosh, I was waiting on my former friend who disappeared (we were friends but he disappeared on December 20, a day after my birthday and never came back, mentioned police but I don't know), and he thanked me for letting him talk with me and pray with him when I was a then Christian.

I truly will love to just talk or let you talk and listen while you just get through the process. Only issue is I have a roommate, but I can definitely make room to chat and share voice notes a bit

And yeah… I very much do :'))

And I understand that. Realistically I'm saying goodbye to some things I'll never see again, gave up on Arcane, and with Squid Game… it reminded me of when my life truly opened my eyes to me needing to leave, and that series showed me the truth of the world, so it's best I stay to see it's end, in a way.

And I get that…

I don't know if you know what monophobia but I have it extremely badly, but I was born naturally reserved and alone to myself but it started when I was in middle school when my hobbies didn't feel like it was giving me much life and I felt the loneliness creep up at me and having parents who didn't hear me…

I have always been gifted this heart and personality, but I've felt more alone having no one and been used and it was when I turned 18, I truly felt true fear from the psychological ability because I had moved away from my parents and needed a start… but I was abused anyways and I didn't want to be around people yet I clinged for someone to give me company.

I'm saying I know what it's like even though I don't fully understand isolation for how many see it, but I do get loneliness and why I would love your company and as this is more so psychologically manifested into my subsconscious the feeling I get from interacting with people, being around people, or living with people, I felt so alone knowing that when I needed people the most to be there for me and having a friend of 7 years from high school as my only friend, yet we never hung out… I truly wished I had more friends or company and was a dream of mine when I turned 19 when I was always that alone introverted, social able introvert who was kind, respectful, caring and never wished to join parties or be that around people to really wanting to feel like I belonged and watching shows like Before We Fall made me realize regret too… I watched that before I turned 18, and gosh, it was… something after enduring what I had.

Please open a chat box anytime ((:

I love your company and I love you.

I hope you find the peace you will someday get when you get it.

What do you like to talk about?

 

[loveable_lamb]

Read through everything…
Oh, gosh, it doesn't say what happened?!?

Perhaps, I missed it again. ADHD brain >_<

I had reread your forums three times so I didn't miss anything ((:

Ah, also, that's okay. I can understand the frustration and how it must've been. I'm glad he's alive. I just hope nothing goes wrong this time with you finding someone who will support you.

Ah, I will support you if you ever want. I basically like company and you have BPD, right? I understand and oh gosh, I was waiting on my former friend who disappeared (we were friends but he disappeared on December 20, a day after my birthday and never came back, mentioned police but I don't know), and he thanked me for letting him talk with me and pray with him when I was a then Christian.

I truly will love to just talk or let you talk and listen while you just get through the process. Only issue is I have a roommate, but I can definitely make room to chat and share voice notes a bit

And yeah… I very much do :'))

And I understand that. Realistically I'm saying goodbye to some things I'll never see again, gave up on Arcane, and with Squid Game… it reminded me of when my life truly opened my eyes to me needing to leave, and that series showed me the truth of the world, so it's best I stay to see it's end, in a way.

And I get that…

I don't know if you know what monophobia but I have it extremely badly, but I was born naturally reserved and alone to myself but it started when I was in middle school when my hobbies didn't feel like it was giving me much life and I felt the loneliness creep up at me and having parents who didn't hear me…

I have always been gifted this heart and personality, but I've felt more alone having no one and been used and it was when I turned 18, I truly felt true fear from the psychological ability because I had moved away from my parents and needed a start… but I was abused anyways and I didn't want to be around people yet I clinged for someone to give me company.

I'm saying I know what it's like even though I don't fully understand isolation for how many see it, but I do get loneliness and why I would love your company and as this is more so psychologically manifested into my subsconscious the feeling I get from interacting with people, being around people, or living with people, I felt so alone knowing that when I needed people the most to be there for me and having a friend of 7 years from high school as my only friend, yet we never hung out… I truly wished I had more friends or company and was a dream of mine when I turned 19 when I was always that alone introverted, social able introvert who was kind, respectful, caring and never wished to join parties or be that around people to really wanting to feel like I belonged and watching shows like Before We Fall made me realize regret too… I watched that before I turned 18, and gosh, it was… something after enduring what I had.

Please open a chat box anytime ((:

I love your company and I love you.

I hope you find the peace you will someday get when you get it.

What do you like to talk about?

He left on Erasmus in October and had sex with someone else. Technically he didn't do anything wrong. I'm not blaming him, but it hurt so much.

OMG, your story sounds even more awful. Your friend is missing??

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of being alone. I like being alone. I just don't want to feel lonely. I wanna be physically alone but be on people's minds

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

He left on Erasmus in October and had sex with someone else. Technically he didn't do anything wrong. I'm not blaming him, but it hurt so much.

OMG, your story sounds even more awful. Your friend is missing??

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of being alone. I like being alone. I just don't want to feel lonely. I wanna be physically alone but be on people's minds

Oh
I am so unsure about that one >_<
Where you guys FwBs? Hope you're okay!!

And he is… He left Telegram a long time ago…

And yeah… :'))

Hehehe same then
Oh? We are the same then

 

[loveable_lamb]

Oh
I am so unsure about that one >_<
Where you guys FwBs? Hope you're okay!!

And he is… He left Telegram a long time ago…

And yeah… :'))

Hehehe same then
Oh? We are the same then

Yes, we were fwb. But for 3 years so that bond went deep.

Oh, your friend was an online friend? Or did you know eachother in real life?

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Yes, we were fwb. But for 3 years so that bond went deep.

Oh, your friend was an online friend? Or did you know eachother in real life?

Oh, wow… I'm so sorry to hear that :((
Betreaual hurts :<

Online from Reddit to Telegram…
We would've… he was from VA