Story I'm having an awful anxiety attack right now even though I should be happy

[RosebyAnyName]

I bought a house recently, but I really regret not getting the one I actually wanted. Instead, I got pressured into getting the one everyone else wanted me to get. The house I wanted to place an offer on was a beautiful century bungalow with a walk-out basement, huge backward, and a creek running out back. Only 1 neighbor and surrounded by nature despite being in town. A lot of the century decor was also still there, like hardwood floors and ornate wood trim. It was even well within my price range and in a great area. But no, it was "old", so I'm not allowed to want it. Instead I got a tiny fixer-upper in the city across from a church for more than I wanted to spend because that's what I'm "supposed" to want. I guess I should be grateful I'm getting real estate at all.

All I can think about is how I regret not attempting this weekend. My hands are always trembling, I'm struggling to breath and have tightness in my throat. I'm pretty sure if anyone saw me they'd think I were actually insane, I keep catching myself rocking back and forth or randomly vocalizing. Music helps but not as much as it usually does. I've stopped all substance use in the meantime but it's really not making me feel much better. I got no sleep last night even though I forced myself to go to bed at a reasonable time. I've tried reaching out but have been met with abandonment each time.

I'll be stuck eventually living in this house knowing my controlling parents have their grimy hands all over it and that I got no say, again. Is it even my house? They're bragging about it like it's theirs and they keep talking about the repairs and changes *they* want to make, I feel more like it's their house and I'm just the one stuck paying for it with my shitty job I can barely keep up with. I've taken almost a whole week off from work now on sick leave because I can't even force myself to work. The few times I tried to work, I'll sit at my desk and stare at a wall. Even doomscrolling doesn't work anymore. I'm really not seeing life getting better, and the time of me wanting to be free and financially independent has passed. Being financially dependent on my worthless parents into my late 20s has left me irreparably mentally damaged. I'm sick of this misery, I can't even force myself to enjoy what a lot of people only dream of having in this economy, instead I just can't stop trembling. My feelings are numb. I really regret not just ditching my dream of owning real estate and moving to an apartment the second I got a full time job.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I can't believe I forgot to mention the biggest reason I'm freaking out right now: the furnace at the new house broke and the pipes burst. The sellers are useless and the seller's agent is clueless. The sellers said they'd get it fixed with an insurance claim, but the closing date will be pushed back. Fml I just want to move away so bad, and who knows if this house is now in disrepair / unlivable. At least I can back out if I want because I'd need to re-sign the contract anyways, but I'm on the brink of taking the L and move into an apartment asap.