I'm going to try everything in my power to CTB today.

[junko]

I'm going to eat an apple. I'm craving one very badly. It'll be my last meal.

I'll try shallow water + chloroform.

If that doesn't work, partial hanging.

If that doesn't work, I'm going to take meds that prevent clotting and go from there.

And if THAT doesn't work??? I guess it's the agony of my favorite household chemical.

I can't do full suspension -- my apartment is very old and none of the fixtures would be able to hold me. And I can't wait for SN, especially since I've lost my only reliable source of it.

I just want out. I lost my job again, through no fault of my own. I have no family I can stay with who won't abuse me. All of my friends are busy living happy, successful lives.

I can't afford to go to the ER, and even if I could, I don't trust the hospitals in my area at all.

I'll be here. If I change my mind, I'll update this thread. Wish me luck.

 

[hellispink]

Good luck. Best wishes on your transition.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry life made you do this. I wish you the best and peace whatever happens <3

 

[junko]

I know that it takes hundreds of apple seeds to be poisonous, but I'm going to eat them anyway. It's a psychological thing. Working myself up to actually do what needs to be done.

They actually don't taste too bad. If only I had 100 more apples, I'd be set, lol

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how it's not more straightforward to cease existing on our own terms. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you find peace! Good luck!!

 

[Nullm]

They actually don't taste too bad. If only I had 100 more apples, I'd be set, lol

Really? hundred apples seems easy to get

 

[junko]

Really? hundred apples seems easy to get

Definitely should be, but I have about $5 to my name RN and that many apples would cost at least $25 at my nearest grocery store.

Anyway, I've got the noose on. Trying to work up the courage. Trying not to cry, bc if I start it'll be so loud that my landlady will hear.

 

[DaSh]

I'm gonna sn in 2 hours and that already scares the shit out of me...

 

[junko]

I'm gonna sn in 2 hours and that already scares the shit out of me...

Do you have an active thread going on for this? I'd love to follow it if so.

I'm sorry that we've both gotten to this point. I hope we both get the results that will best serve us.

 

[DaSh]

Do you have an active thread going on for this? I'd love to follow it if so.

I'm sorry that we've both gotten to this point. I hope we both get the results that will best serve us.

Sure

Probabably last thread sn

Title say's it all I'll probly drink it in 5 or 6 hours I'll just go with benzo, pain killer and beta blocker. Thanks everyone. I'll update here.

sanctioned-suicide.net

Also if you still looking for a reliable sn source in europe text me

 

[junko]

Partial isn't going to work. None of my furniture is high enough off the ground. Just tried three times. Going to try one more time before going for the knife.
Fuck. I can't do it. I'm a fucking coward. I need something that I can't undo. I need something that I can't walk away from. I want this to end. I'm in so much pain. Only the people on this site understand. I can't do this anymore.

 

[Mx_Pathetic]

Partial isn't going to work. None of my furniture is high enough off the ground. Just tried three times. Going to try one more time before going for the knife.
Fuck. I can't do it. I'm a fucking coward. I need something that I can't undo. I need something that I can't walk away from. I want this to end. I'm in so much pain. Only the people on this site understand. I can't do this anymore.

I don't know if you're still alive but I wish you luck if you still haven't and if you have. I hope it's everything you've ever hoped for

 

[junko]

I don't know if you're still alive but I wish you luck if you still haven't and if you have. I hope it's everything you've ever hoped for

Unfortunately, I'm still alive.

I'm going to buy a lot of alcohol and see if that helps with SI. Thank you for the kind words. Hoping to be gone by Sunday night

 

[numbed one]

I wish for you a good and beautiful life .
I have same problem : i'm jobless and gonna face thé streets soon and i dont have money or source to buy sn , so i can't do hanging or jumping cause i'm afraid of pain , i tried an overdose lately on my treatment but it didn't work .

 

[warm dreams]

Why should people suffer? Why should people worry about whether they have shelter or food? Bro, I'm so sorry about your situation. Really, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure you don't deserve this. No one deserves such despair. Hope you find what you're looking for...

 

[junko]

I just need someone to understand.

I gave this job my all. More than I've given any other job in the past. I worked so hard to earn my position. I stayed late. I took work home. I did everything my boss demanded I change.

And it still wasn't enough.

Even though I came in to work on a holiday while everyone else stayed home, my boss still decided to take my position from me the following Monday

What did I do to deserve this? I tried to hard. She only ever complained. She was never satisfied. She kept moving the goalposts. Every time I started getting settled in, she'd change things.

Why am I not good enough? For anyone, or anything? Why can I not do anything right?

I begged God to kill me in my sleep last night. I begged Him multiple times. And here I am, alive.

He doesn't care. Not even Satan gives enough of a shit about me to take me. I'm disgusting. Unworthy even of death.

 

[junko]

Drinking now. I'm severely dehydrated, so it shouldn't be long before I've worked up the courage. I'll let drunk me decide what method we'll go with. I still have my noose tied.

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

You are very brave, I'm sorry it's come to this. I hope all goes well, and there is an end to your suffering.

 

[pineapple-chicken]

I'm sorry it's come to this OP, I hope you find peace <3

 

[HiddenHead]

Wishing you safe travels OP